I've put my dreams aside again. I'm working every day this week, same as last week. Next month I should be receiving my first full-time work level salary. I imagine I'll want to splurge on food and drinks like most of the mindless worker bots I know. And that's ok.
My goal right now is to find peace and keep it, even in this situation. Dreams? Goals? Future? Community? Art? Whatever.
Of course this is only temporary. I will get back to making music and writing and building meaningful things, hopefully sooner rather than later. But for now I need to face my greatest fear, and that is being uninteresting and average, leaving the world as it is, even when. It's a shithole, having a meaningless existence.
I will find meaning in the meaningless and power in being powerless.
I didn't even think about any of my passions this week. I just watched season 1-2 of the Expanse and slept a lot. It was nice. I listened to a lot of Chicago footwork DJs on the train and spaced out and didn't get upset about anything.
I even had a great time with some friends who were visiting and kind of sort of connected with a community across the city by accident, but I have 0 expectations for future interaction with them, because that always leads to disappointment and more importantly, I want my enjoyment to be unconditional.
So here's to mediocrity! Peace and love!
@whatamidoing san, remember that everything in this world is temporary. The good times and the bad times. Even the peace that you are talking about.. don't forget that you will lose peace, but you have the power to get it back too..
May the peace be with you...
Whatever works at the time :)
Though having said that you're much better than me at settling into that kind of thing when you need to x_x