I read twice to make sure i understood every word. I don't think you're in a dilemma, or stuck between choices. I think you know exactly what to do, you just need an affirmation of some sort from maybe someone, an event, something, or so. I'm not sure exactly how it feels when you're burning your mind with all these thoughts together, but if my suggestion is welcome, i'll say you write down all the choices you think you have, analyse them accordingly, by: the level of peace attained when thinking of them, their possible relevance to the future you, the potential effect of engaging or disengaging them, their worth of your current time considering your satisfaction, happiness and sanity.

I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but i think these are the kind of situations that make you restless and unsettled for no reason.

I admire your sincerity.