The answer is simple. It's not your time. You may feel like it is, but you're still here for a reason. We all have a purpose. We may never figure it out. I firmly believe in the ripple effect. We meet people for a reason, why or how they came into our lives whether it is something we need or something they need or they will pass on to someone else, there is a purpose to it all. I think by the actions of your family and the outpouring here on Steemit people do care.
I know if I can make it through, you can. If you need to play video games and sleep right now, then that is what you do. Eat when someone 'makes' you even if it's just a few bites. Don't think right now. Don't analyze it will keep your head spinning and you need to get the spinning to stop. If you zone out and don't think when you're playing games, right now that's good. Sleeping is your body's way of healing both physically and mentally. It helps work out the problems going through your mind. My only other recommendation is 5 minutes outside in the sun. If you start with just a 1 minute that's ok, the next day make it a little longer. Stare at the sky and the clouds, then go back to what you were doing. If a thought pops in shout Squirrel or Shiney. It's just a distraction to stop the thought. That's all.
I don't think you can make anyone understand how your feeling, unless they've been there. I know there's that part that of you that feels you're making things better for others. To not worry about you or 'have to deal with you'. No you're not selfish and don't believe anyone who tells you that or you were wrong. These feelings are normal and natural. It's the acting out like you did that people don't understand or frown upon.
I admit I have a plan and a back up plan. It's hard to say, if you want to get put in the hospital you say that to any doctor and they will. My therapist knows this. I did ask her to trust me that I won't act out. Since I don't show any signs, I am pretty much left alone. That is by my choosing. I put on my mask, because I am surrounded by people that don't understand and don't want to understand. This time of year is hard for me. Not because of the holidays, but because of my birthday. I remember bits and pieces, but I don't know or remember the whole story at least the part from my childhood. I have gaping holes in those memories. My ex-husband played a major part in this too.
Each year I approach it openly. It's going to be different. I am choosing not to feel this way. Each year it ends up the same.
Hang in there please. For yourself.... No other reason. I know that's a hard thing right now. Right now is about YOU and taking care of yourself.
Thank you for the advise.
People want me to get out, to fix my life and to move on. It is not the end of the world they say. That I can bounce back. That I held it in so long and now that its in the open I can deal with it and be better.
Some say that I held it too long and it should be enough.
I haven't really gotten out the past three days. I haven't even walked my dog outside and he has been stuck inside the house looking at me with sullen eyes. I will take your advise on getting some sun becayse I know it does affect my mood when I don't get any sunlight.
I have been seeing a therapist all this time but I dont think she has been able to make any breakthroughs lately.
funny how you mentioned bday because it is nearing mine too and it was last year I decided to end it on my bday. Most studies show that depression is particular hard during holidays but I agree it is doubly hard when your birthday is near.
I hope that I can hang on and see the beauty of life. I really do.
You're so welcome. Just little baby steps. There is no timeline on getting better. It still upsets me when friends and family tell me 'Just get over it' Our brains do work that way. When it's been damaged the way ours has been, we don't even have confidence in ourselves to get through any time there is conflict, a degrading comment and so forth. Our brains automatically see the negative.
You're doing great. Just go moment by moment. The moments get longer then days. I'm sure you see where I'm going wit this. Tell your therapist how you're feeling that you're not progressing. Ask her about EMDR, it really helps. It takes longer for the bigger issues, but some of working through some of the smaller issues, helps ease some of the frustration.
You can hang in there, you might not see the beauty for a while, just don't rush it. I'll help as much as I can, as long as you want it. If I get too chatty tell me to shut up LOL. To be honest, you're helping me out too. This is forcing me to think rather than dwell or try to escape.