Why I Hate Job Interviews
In a society where it's important to at least pretend everyone is equal, job interviews are a stark and constant reminder that we're not. Well, I suppose it's only constant in my case because I never land the job and therefore, am always looking for another, but my point stands. I find it very reassuring that many of us live in a world where any drunk off the street can shout something at the President about his mother, and the President is forced to feign dignity and walk away with aplomb, or at worst, tweet a comeback 6 hours later in the middle of the night. My heart swells with pride in knowing that regardless of how high and mighty you are, a complete nobody like me can still make your life a bit shitty without fear of reprisal. The freedom to call the President's mother a whore to his face is very much the gold standard for an egalitarian civilization.
Allow me to answer your question with a question: what was your question again?
The Power Disparity
So you can imagine my consternation at the social dynamics of a job interview. Here we are, just two people sitting here, engaging in a conversation dull enough to be considered normal; except one of us is desperately trying not to appear desperate to cling on to this last crumb of hope that could provide them and their family with a stable stream of resources necessary to subsist, while the other holds the fate of the former in the palm of their hand.
However, despite this, we're not to grovel or beg or cry, for the rules of social propriety forbids it. Instead, we're expected to pretend we're oblivious of the stakes and meet the ensuing banality with platitudes of our own. Such is how the game, which will determine our future prospects, is to be played.
The Stupid Questions
Ok, so we have to try really hard to trick them into thinking we're not a worthless sack of shit with a forced smile on our faces for the the next 20 minutes. This would only be a nearly impossible task but for the type of questions being asked in these interviews. Whoever came up with the saying there's no such thing as a stupid question has obviously never had a job interview or looked in the Steemit help channel before. Now, the smartasses among us are caught in a dilemma: the very situation that carries the stakes of our eternal livelihood also represents an irresistible opportunity to take the piss.
How would you describe yourself in 3 words? 'Not great at maths'
Every time I hear something like What would you say is one of your weaknesses? I have to fight the urge to respond with 'Well, where do I start?' or 'Stealing office supplies' or 'Blondes'. By the time my brain gives me a usable answer I'm already being asked to find my own way out of the premises. This is why I'd never go on Family Fortunes. Name a bird with webbed feet 'umm Tiffany from back in my 8th grade geography class whose parents are cousins.'
I was once asked in a job interview 'If you had to get a tattoo, what would you get?' I answered 'then I'd get a tattoo.' I didn't get the job, so I couldn't afford the tattoo either.
The Not So Stupid Questions
And just when you're starting to get good at not being a wisecrack, the curve ball hits you smack in the face: Imagine you snap a straight stick randomly at two different points. What is the probability that you can make a triangle with the remaining pieces? What?? Are you kidding me? There are sort of annoying questions like 'How many piano tuners are there in the city of New York?' or some shit, designed to test your patience, then there are questions that even the Asian kids leave blank on a calculus exam. When I get something like this I just do a few arm pit farts, hope a wet one doesn't come out, and leave. I'd have a better chance getting job waiting tables at Hooters.
Where do I see myself in 5 years time? Well alive would be a good start
Conclusion
There's a lot of condescending job interview advice out there that are almost as uninteresting as they are unhelpful. Dress appropriately for the position they'd say, in case you were going to wear your mother's crotchless wedding dress to the occasion. I envy the people who never have to go through this demeaning process. A job interview that is, not walking down the aisle in a crotchelss wedding dress. For example, I can't see Cristiano fucking Ronaldo ever needing to answer Do you work well under pressure? In fact, I'm not even too sure why the first letter of his middle name isn't capitalized...
If you enjoyed this piece, please Upvote, Resteem and follow me @trafalgar, especially if you believe non steemit/crypto related articles are good for the platform
My net died out for over a day so I'm not going to be able to reply most of the comments on my last post, sorry about that. Still going through comments to determine winners on my contest
Hilarious fucking post. Apologies for swearing but you think like I think, and I mainly post on here after at least a drink or two (see: my last really drunk post.)
Thanks for the post and the laughs!
--
Nailed it right there. Most people are barely subsisting with the pressures on them. I hardly ever see anyone using that word anymore, but I have for 30 years.
I used it a lot in my activism speeches too.
Nice stuff man, have a good weekend @trafalgar.
Barry, I just upvoted your comment but since I am currently nothing more than a little desert mouse here on Steemit it only gave you 4 cents. I did want to congratulate you on your winning of the Steemfest contest! The other day, before I knew anything about you, I made kind of a snarky comment in regards to your salad post. Then you responded back to me and you were so warm and welcoming to me since I am just a noob here on the Steemit platform that I really felt great about being here on Steemit. A few days later I read your comments under the Steemfest post and I felt so bad when I learned that you had been in a serious car accident. It really brought a smile to my face when I read that you ended up a winning the contest. I hope you have a great time in Lisbon. I love that city!
If not all steemians community can reply but most or many of the neighborhood like to engage conversation and replies us and yes one of the good man is @barrydutton and congratulation man! And hopefully everything is ok. For newbies or not we are really glad and felt happy if somebody that came higher than us will replies us and noticed our effort. So goooo steem!!
Thank you for your comments, Diane. I just checked out your past posts and I noticed that you write some beautiful original poetry! Steemit is lucky to have you. 🙂
Ooh what a nice words to have from you, thank you a lot! :) Everyone is trying to be someone and steemians make us one. Goo steem!
Thanks for the comments Paul.
I suffered thru the driest darkest days here when my posts made literally 5 10 or 50¢ for months.
The reason my posts started making more money is because I gained a reputation for trying to build community, be nice, and encouraging to people, and put out a lot of solid advice, and some of my activism stuff.
People asked me to write more personal things, the salad post was one of them --- I did not want to write much personal type info on here so that was also me trying to branch out.
Thanks for taking time my man. That was nice of you.
No problem, Barry. Although I think your considerate and thoughtful response is worth more than the 13 cents my up vote just gave you. I hope your trip to Portugal is awesome and as one of your many followers I hope you post some great Steemfest moments for us all to enjoy. But don't feel any pressure to do so, just enjoy the experience. :-)
I think your outreach to me is one of the nice things I have seen, it is great of you!
The apology was worth more than 13¢ buddy!
have a look on my posts today, you will get a laugh, and also maybe learn something with us after too!!
Nite my man!
Nice to meet you sir,
If you got sometime,will you please read this artical,i hope you really like it,
Thanks
https://steemit.com/steemit/@thecrytotrader/11-steps-you-should-follow-to-increase-your-reputation-score-and-gain-more-attention-on-steemit
The Energy Level here on Steemit is unmatched...we 80s babies have been starving for this Type of environment to expose it self...Above All Love and keep it steemie @paul.atreides love your content and connection Power @trafalgar
Thank you for the kind words, Erron!
Hello, I am just starting steemit and I would like some advice if you don't mind. Thank you
thaanks a lot, you too barry
Yes job interviews are scary :(
@trafalgar can't connect net often times and looking forward to know who's the winner of your contest and one of the not so unlikely one answer is mine hahaha.
what if you were asked to tell a joke at a job interview what would you say?
You cannot make a triangle if one of the pieces is longer that the sum of the two other pieces.
So, if both points are in the same half of the stick, you cannot make a triangle with the three pieces.
There are two halves in the stick.
Let's suppose that your first point is in the first half. You have 50% chances of this. then, you are able to make a triangle only if your next point is in the second half, again a 50% chance. That gives you 50% x 50% = 25%.
Same probability with the first point in the second half and the second in the first half. 25% again.
So, in total, 25% + 25% = 50%.
You have a probability of 50% of being able to make a triangle with the remaining pieces.
QED
what if the first break is only about 10% into the first half, and the second break is right at the end of the second half? :)
Wait a minute, I think the response depends on what your definition of a triangle is. A triangle is three connected lines. Unless the interviewer slides a stick and a bottle of Elmer's glue across the table then you are just dealing with three sticks pushed together and that, my friends, is not a triangle. Do I have any of my fellow brothers in Mensa here that can give me an Ahmen?
Damn! I am wrong! And a guy with the name of a defeat pointed my mistake! (I am French)
So, what I have just established is that the probability is less than 50%.
L = length of the stick.
If the first point is in the first half, at x between 0 L and 0.5 L, to be able to have a triangle, the second point need to be between 0.5 L and (0.5 + x) L.
I have the feeling that we need to integrate a function, but I an too old and tired for that.
Unless the job is somehow related to snapping sticks or figuring out arcane algorithms, it doesn't fucking matter.
Unfortunately, as a software developer, I sometimes have to figure out arcane algorithms…
took me a long time to get it
it's not an easy question
i can't remember the reasoning, but i remember the answer
you don't need calculus for it, but I'm sure if it's strong enough it can help
you can just reasoning it out in your mind, but it's not easy
i don't want to attempt it again
I cheated and found the answer googling "stick 3 part triangle" :
https://www.quora.com/A-rod-is-broken-into-three-parts-what-is-the-probability-that-the-three-parts-can-be-arranged-to-form-a-triangle
The answer is: 25%
haha yes it is :)
took me a long time thinking it over to get it right
You can still make a triangle...it's just one side would have a longer/running edge beyond the outer limit of the triangle. Granted, it would be a small triangle, but as long as they don't expect each piece to connect exactly at the ends, I think it still qualifies. :-)
haha :)
how thick is the stick tho, gotta think about slenderness ratios.... can only contact at the outter edge of the stick so the perimeter of the triangle would be the interior edges not the centerline.
Lol! Let's not complicate things too much!
But a triangle can be made with two parts. Just will not have one wand :)
"The freedom to call the President's mother a whore to his face is very much the gold standard for an egalitarian civilization." @trafalgar this is pure genius! I think you should seek a job at Human Rights Watch or similar, in the Key Performance Indicators Department, and propose the First Mother Whore Test to be included in their KPI/best practices handbook :-)
P.S. I adhere to your religion, stipulating that self-votes are fine :-)
"Why I Hate Jobs!" :-)
I disagree.
You've got to have some way to determine who is the best person for the job.
If a group of people are asked the SAME stupid questions, you can still pick out the best of the bunch.
haha probably
probably prefer standardized tests though
I do agree, a job interview can lead you to get the job and then you have to start working. I hate working! :p
This made me think about this video which depicts how comic job interviews really are.
If everyone was honest at job interviews:
Hating job interviews really does make good sence!
lol, can't agree more on your sharing. And you know what we face in Hong Kong?
Sometimes the employer request is to write the expected salary on the CV. Well, I think that's fine. And one day the HR call is and ask us to have a interview and go through all those stupid process. And than they ask: well, you seems suitable for this job, but we can't afford your salary requested. Can you drop a little bit about 15%? I feel like what the hell you are doing? If you cannot afford my salary request, why did you call me out and have that interview? Don't you think time is treasure?
haha that's horrible
you should just write a number 15% above what you'll settle for :)
actually that's not quite the correct maths is it? :p
Thats a fact about salary you mentioned there. I believe its a HR trick what they do intentionally either to test you or to get your skills at a cheaper. Most of the candidate will agree with them and took the job at a lower salary as they are already mentally prepared to take the job.
If the candidate disagree, HR still has the chance to hire him at his/her asking salary. So they got nothing to loose.
In negotiations, the first person to show their hand is always at a disadvantage.
Oh not to mention in Hong Kong, some insurance company would open an advertisement for say "Account manager" or some back office job title with attractive salaries. But when you go up to interview they start to persuade you that working a fix office job won't get you anywhere to get rich, and start telling you becoming a insurance sales would be a much more rewarding job.
So guess what, they are actually just hiring more people to sell their product, via the employee's personal network. That back office/ manager positions never even existed.
Oh, I've had that kind of garbage happen to me in the States too. It's an international phenomenon, I'm sure.
People will do anything for money I guess haha
If that was the case, saying no to that question would not be such a bad thing. Showing a strong opinion on what you think your skills are worth may give them a good their impression.
"Can you name what you consider a weakness?"
"Well, I keep coming up with ideas that wind up being worth millions to my employer, but forget to document as my IP..."
Try that sometime for a substantially different experience.
hahaha that's awesome
Haha great one!
You still should not do this - at least until you know his mother intimately.
haha =)
If she's a whore it will only take a few bucks.
One job interview I had, they started asking me riddles and timing how long it took to answer. It was terrifying!
LOL that's insane!
Lol very true.
One of the things I have noticed myself is that the first few seconds are crucial - if you handle that well then you can generally ace it.
One of the things that has tripped me up before (although not enough to lose the job but enough to be embarrassing) is the question:
Simply answering "no" can create an awkward silence.
hahaha yeah if your'e not expecting it you're sort of forced to either just say no or ask some meaningless bullshit lol
Just literally ask them anything about the company. Or ask them to repeat a crucial bit of info that you feel is important to knowing how to work there (showing interest and thinking you will be hired). This has never failed me so far. I always have it in my mind that saying "no" for that question is the worst thing you can do.
Interesting tip
Yes I have heard that too. An alternative is to say something along the lines of "I think we have covered everything for now."
Just ask them a random riddle and time it.
Saying no says you didn't do your homework. You should ask them about those rewards and marketing bs you saw on their website.
Or maybe it is just being honest. Why should you make something up?
Hang on - apart from being a very entertaining post as usual - stop fishing for compliments all the time lol.
Job interview - two people is a no go - i had it when I started my current job but that is middle age stuff - we have job interviews where at least three people from the company will nail you lol.
The stupid questions like What would you say is one of your weaknesses? are still there and you know for sure how to tackle them turning your weakness in a strength - not difficult for talents like you @trafalgar
Stealing Blondes or get them laid is sth every employers knows you will try - solution from our side - female colleagues look like this:
The rest is where i need to dive into tomorrow (maybe I lie) as I have no time now! But sure you will achieve any goal you might have not nailed yet! Namaste!
@uwelang What a pretty face :D Is that your dog?
hmmm - not allowed to mention real ID :-)
pitty :P
hahaha fair enough :)
No you always take a positive and spin it into a negative. "My issue is that I always want to take on more work and sometimes don't understand my own limitations. I am always eager to help my teammates and as long as the team is successful then it shines a good light on all of us." You can use that, I give you permission. :)
In this day, one of the stupid question I think is where do you see yourself in 5 years time. Dude, I think 5 years time, your company may not even exists. Good luck.
haha
because I'll be stealing all your know how and outcompeting you
First the taxis are being threaten by Uber but Uber drivers are being threated by Uber also because the ultimate is: DAVE? Driverless Autonomous VEhicle.
There is a lot of evidence these questions do nothing, and overall job interviews have a predicting power of a coin flip in determining suitability (and that term itself needs contextually relevant unpacking) of a candidate for the job.
It is a different question whether you have a choice or not. The choice is to have a job or not to have a job, and I think it is naive to go to an interview and expect the interviewer to respect your intellectual capacity. It is not going to happen because the interviewer, if smart, is probably a pawn in a larger game or, if stupid, is, well, too stupid to understand they are doing it wrong.
That said, when I was young and asked about my weakness, I answered "ice cream" and smiled charmingly. They never called me back. And 2 years later they closed down. Yes, I felt good. Because ice cream. =)
hahaha yes you're right, if you want what they have to offer you have to play by their daft rules
and ice cream rules :)
Job interviews suck, one day I hope to be able to go into an interview and say to the interviewer, "Can you make money just by posting cat pictures online, I sure as hell can"!
hahaha and just walk away from that 7 figure job :)
LOL!
Imagine going to the Social Security desk, saying:
I wanted to get he piece of paper I need to fill out for getting the money the next 6 month. But you know, I have decided otherwise. Here, take this.
Then hand a "I don't need your money any longer" written on the highest bank note there is. While walking out give everyone you meet a 100$ bill.
Then, on the street, imagine the faces when they have to put your "I quit" note into the file using a hole puncher.
drop the mic right after, chuck deuces, turn around and walk out. would be the perfect commercial for Steemit!!!
DANG, I think you're onto something!
Nice topic about interviews! As technology becomes more advanced, I do think there are more ways of assessing a candidate on top of traditional interview questions. For example, nowadays companies will look for personal websites, githubs, linkedin and something like that. Online presence can showcase your continuous effort, which is also a main consideration by companies (at least for the tech sector)
I've never been in a job interview before and I find the prospect of ever being in one anxious and depressing from your post. The fact the silky questions are always asked seem so frustrating. I hope that I don't freak out qhen the time comes. And I admire yoir frankness.
idk, maybe its cuz my field is engineering, but interviews for me are usually super straight forward. I've had interviews for jobs that pay $80k last about an hour. although i do hate the general theme of a job interview, basically begging to be able to feed yourself and not be homeless.
haha ya glad you see it that way too, feel like such a fraud doing that dance
I seen your posts.... cant imagine a lifestyle where you @trafalgar would need income from a job 🏄
haha i'm a full time carer for my mom who has a minor disability
I don't post too frequently, partly because this stuff takes a while to write but also because I don't have a lot of time
Thats super nice of you!!! family is so important to us and I would hope that if I ever needed it my family would be there for me in a similar manner!!! Happy to upvote your comments to contribute to your financial freedom to make it easier to be present for her. white light and warmest regards!!!
Engineers rock. Love Engineers - my dad was a Civil Engineer. Such a straight forward bunch of people...no gray there, either it is or it isn't.
nice!
Hey @trafalgar
I really apprecieate the effort your doing on steemit . Your producing a valuable content for the people of steemit . I am very much thankful to you ..
It is really good to see you and your posts always produce awesome content ..
A Big Thanks To You
Very close to reality... more than a million people think the same thing...
I think people just put on a fake persona when they go into an interview. A good interviewee knows what answers the person conducting the interview wants to hear. A good interviewee also has questions prepared to ask, but not just any questions. Questions that makes the interviewee look like he is knowledgeable in the topic.
I would recommend studying the company you are applying for and never do this!! LOL
^^^UPVOTED^^^
haha thanks
stepbrothers is awesome
yeah most ppl go in with rehearsed answers, it's all a fraud
Well I guess they go with the adage... 'Fact it till you Make it!'
If a "job" is nothing more than a status from which "resources" flow to you, then your comments make sense. And no better experiences than those you describe could possibly be imagined. If you actually want to invent something, for example, then applying for a "job" with an inventor might not be demeaning. I am not equal to the person I used to be. And I hope that my work makes me a better person tomorrow.
that's a very insightful way of looking at it
unfortunately most of us aren't in a position to be too picky and a job is merely a way of subsistence
right
Spot on! My first job ever was in HR. I quit within 6 months and never ventured into it again. Jobs advertisements were usually glamorized and offered salary gets slashed. place I worked at didn't give two flying ****s about your CV really. Mostly they hired on who knew so-and-so and not to be racist, skin colour. Some male managers shortlisted candidates based on their face value, cleavage and skirt length. As an interviewee I still complied with all the standard textbooks interview Q&A model answers and dressed "appropriately". I'm not working for anyone anymore and am eternally grateful to be rid of interviews!
Snap the stick along the grain, 100% chance of an equilateral triangle, you'll probably get the job for thinking out side the box and the boss will be so impressed he'll let you bang his wife in hopes you impregnate her so he can claim your seed as his own. Wait, am I late?
By being underemployed you can free yourself from the man and playing his games at the job interview.
Benefits of being your own boss.
Yes. But to be own boss need insights too! But I see what you mean!
ya that's definitely true
Weirdest job interview I ever had was years ago for an internship with the Army Corps of Engineers. 250 of us had applied, 70 got through an initial screening process, one of them being me even though I'd never taken an engineering class. First off, they interviewed two of us the same time, for the one position. And the interview was done by four men with crew cuts and white shirts. And I was at the time a faux hippy dude with hair down to the middle of my back. Immediately knew that the interview was a waste of time. Which releived all stress and put me entirely at ease. The other guy really, really wanted the job and could hardly stop talking. I couldn't care less so gave calm and cogent responses, just killing time.
And of course they hired me.
I went for a job interview as an engineer, but I was been asked art and administration questions, like for real?
They should have told me its a music contest.
sure you weren't on the X factor? :)
rofl
Lol, I wish I was. But it's not me.
I agree that job interviews are awful. Since I became an independent contractor, I have found them to be much better. No more questions about strengths and weaknesses, what would you do if....... or ridiculous hypothetical questions. Questions are usually based around a description of client need and then asking for examples of where you have met that need previously.
This is a much better approach and leads to a much better outcome. I don't understand why interviews for permanent roles don't take this form also?
beats me, they love asking stupid crap i guess :)
Next time don't do this! xD
haha simple but ineffective
I've decided never to go to a job interview ever again. I just cant handle the whole thing. I've figured out how to make my living off of the internet..
I think the most important question that should ask yourself before job interview - I want to give the company and what I want to receive in return.
I unfortunately don't know how it happens in USA but in my country people often do not understand - what you need to do what you love and then the work will not be a burden, and in pleasure and with interest.
But in General for interviews, I fully agree with your point of view - most of them degrading.
I'm a Psychologist, so I've had had to be on the other side of the table a couple of times too, and I have to say: For those asking the questions it's no easy job either, if the applicant screws up, we are also responsable. Furthermore, some people lie even about their age, so that makes every interview really exhausting.
So a great tip is: Remember the interviewer is human too! Empathy will go a long way.
Thanks for sharing! You got a new follower. If you're interested in short stories, I'm a writer and I think you'd enjoy my stories here on Steem. ^^
haha well i'm only 14 so i wouldn't know better
Something I forgot to mention in my reply to @trafalgar... If you got as far as the interview you can let yourself feel at least a bit confident... they wouldn't be wasting their time interviewing you if you didn't have a skill set they needed.
You're so real and I love that! You just cut the crap and get straight to the point. Yea I also believe job interviews suck big time. Hopefully steemit can provide us with financial independence in order for us to live our life instead of sitting behind a desk working our lives away.
yeah that would be awesome
job interviews are just a facade
I finally got my job after 6 layers of interviews. Man oh man that took a long time. And I feel I earned it as I had prepared night and day for it and now finally I got the job. :) Great post. Followed and upped and resteemed your post. Looking forward to reading more of your wonderful posts. See you around :)
thank you :)
The pleasure is all mine :)
had one interview, lady asked me to tell something about myself and it left me spechless... i expected something about my qulifications
Job interview really sucks
you can say that again
"Ok Mr. Trafalgar, I'm sure we will be in touch with you soon. Just leave us your Facebook password and the phone number of your most recent ex-girlfriend on your way out."
here, 52358954
note that he's post op now
Oh Shucks! I forgot to mention that we will need finger prints and those transcripts from West Sydney Wallaby Community College too......wait a minute. A humble mouse like me should not be trolling a whale. Mr. T., your investment in this exciting endeavor is one of the reasons we all are able to be here. We luv you Mr. T.! If I was your personal investment advisor then perhaps I would tell you to bug out to New Zealand and buy that ranch. Alas, I am not, so my dreams of being a cowboy and sheering sheep for a living will have to wait.
Yea I hate them too, especially in the programming field. They make you code on a white board, asking questions on algorithm... it's the worst. I'm trying to take the entrepreneur route, hopefully I never have to be the one interviewing. Following, look forward to your next post.
thanks a lot
i guess the questions in programming interviews are more interesting though
I have never cleared any job interviews and hence Steemit. Steemit rocks :P
haha i'm in the same boat as you're in
....and you get a job :D
good point :)
I hate jobs more than job interviews!
lol
so true
fail the interview = win/win
I even go further: I never look for job interviews!
I have an interview tomorrow morning and reading this post at 1.29 am in India, thinking Do I really need to go for it?
hahaha good luck
don't take any of my advice, i'm full of shit
My job interview, I'm awesome.. you need me.
haha, could work!
Its good for you that you hate giving interviews, Chances for you to be an interviewer increases.... ;)
haha that's why i go around hoping to get shat on by a bird to decrease the chances of it actually happening
To be honest I love job interviews, I don`t know why but i get such an adrenaline rush, and my mind is sharp, clear and precise ;)
i think it can be fun if you don't take it too seriously
I always hate how they always ask you "what is one of your biggest weaknesses" ...well I like to eat a lot of chocolate...
hahaha
as you shove a whole kit kat bar into your mouth :)
It would probably work in my favour . I usually say the dumbest things in interviews . Im better off having my mouth full of something other than my foot.
Super welled said. I really hate those stupid questions. HR said those queation can make them know your personalities or strength, no they are not. For me I am a super nervous person.I need time to think. If people ask me a question that I have not prepared, I cannot deliver a good answer. Job interveiws only suit for people with certain personalities,ie the outroverts.