The Beverage Outcast - I never thought what I DON'T drink could make me awkward, but think again!

I never thought that what I don’t drink could make me awkward. Unfortunately, I don’t like coffee, pop (soda/coke), or alcohol, the three fundamental beverages of society.

One can’t make it far through life without hearing about coffee. Adults always go out for coffee. Acquaintances introduce themselves over coffee. It’s a casual, friendly, and simple way to get to know someone. Whether it’s co-workers going out to grab a cup, or you’re making a cup for your boss, you’ll definitely run into many coffee situations in this world! Coffeehouses and cafes are nice places to meet up and exchange ideas. People go to Starbucks and order their fancy frappamochalattechino.

Have you ever had to make a coffee drink for someone when you have no idea what kind of drink they’re talking about?? There’s iced coffee and cold brews. They add sugar/creamer/milk/flavoring/what have you. I don’t get it. I usually resort to asking a coffee-drinking friend for help, and hope that it tastes okay while silently telling myself how much it would help if I could work at a coffeehouse for a while. In my opinion, coffee-drinkers have a leg up in this world! I do enjoy the smell of coffee though, does that count?

I also don’t care for tea. So many different kinds of teas exist, which to me just taste like lightly flavored hot water. I don’t really care to drink hot water. It’s just water, that’s hot. Maybe if you’re sick I could see this being a good thing. The first time I had to make someone an iced tea, I was so lost. I was baffled that you’d boil the water, add the tea, and then make it cold again. I added ice cubes which melted because the water was hot, leaving it more of a watered-down, room temperature drink, and I had no idea if that’s what they’d been wanting. It seemed strange to me.

Drinking pop (soda/coke) is also not my thing. No energy drinks either. Are those actually healthy? When I was a child it was hard to find something to drink at school pizza parties and friends’ birthday parties because they usually had two-liters of pop, and I didn’t like any carbonated beverage. I wouldn’t drink anything, and I’d be very thirsty until I became brave enough to ask to go to the water fountain to fill up my cup with water. Sometimes I’d be saved by Hawaiian Punch or Minute Maid Lemonade. Any fast food place that has lemonade in their soft drink dispenser instantly gets an extra plus from me because that’s what I always treat myself to if I’m out.

As far as alcohol goes, I don’t fully understand it. I don’t like alcohol, but I wish I did. I’ve tried to like it on multiple occasions, but most of the time it’s me trying to pretend. It’s one of those things that was never a part of my life, and I never thought about it until college. When I saw people drinking alcohol like it was no big deal, I was horrified. What were they doing?! Didn’t they know that it was a bad thing to do?? I felt uncomfortable when I saw adults drinking around their children of various ages and no one seemed worried. I came to realize that this seemed to be a more “normal” way of life than the way I was raised, where you’d get disgusted looks for even mentioning that you tried it. It’s the norm for people to “go out for drinks”, and parties usually include drinking. You’d feel ostracized because there would ALWAYS be a conversation at every party about what people were drinking, had drunk, or liked/disliked to drink, in which I had nothing to contribute. People would go out on weekends and socialize – and they’d drink while doing it.

Why is this a thing?? People ask me, why aren’t you drinking? And usually there are a variety of explanations, usually I’m just not thirsty. I’m sitting here. I’m fine. I’m just not thirsty. Plus is tastes awful. “This tastes almost exactly like an apple!” someone would exclaim. I try it, and to me, it does not. Why not just eat an apple if you want an apple?? “You can’t even taste the alcohol in this, try it!” I try it. I can taste it. Ugh. I look around at parties at all the people happily drinking and wonder why can’t I be like everyone else?? Why can’t I fit in? Why can’t I be that classy lady drinking a glass of wine, or the woman who guys admire for downing shots of whiskey? I still struggle with this, often waiting until I have to, to tell people that I don’t drink, wanting to feel like I’m part of the group for as long as possible before the truth comes out, or I’m faced with a glass of something I really don’t want to drink.

Once, when attending a social event taking place at a bar, I grabbed a can of some sort of beer I saw most people walking around with, and carried it around, sipping occasionally. I talked to enough people that no one knew I had the same drink in my hand the entire time. I had a conversation with someone who looked down at my drink and said, “Oh, I’m sorry! We’re talking too much, I’m not letting you drink!” (Haha, that is not the case, but I’m glad you think so). So I excused myself to the bathroom and dumped half of the thing down the sink so people would think I’d consumed most of it. This is what I resort to?

If you don’t drink coffee or tea, you might feel out of place. Same for pop or alcohol. But all three?? How to you expect this girl to survive socially in a society of social drinkers?? I can order hot chocolate at some coffee places. I can order an alcoholic mixed drink at some bars where I can sip on it, pretending to enjoy it, while everyone else has 2 or three drinks, laughing about their ‘once when I was drunk’ stories to which I have none, until the gathering is over and I head out, leaving half the drink still sitting on the table. But if I actually enjoyed these beverages I think I’d have an easier time in the world.

Is there anyone else out there like me?! Do you ever feel the struggle? My advice is, teach your kids the valuable skill of coffee making, and maybe letting them taste an alcoholic beverage or two wouldn’t hurt either.