I was born by mistake. Unplanned, but nonetheless a welcomed surprise. Whether it was a fluke of nature or the twisted joke of the Universe, I've yet to find out for I was born without complications, on a honey stained Tuesday morning at 9:45 am.
As I later found out, the joy of my arrival was more to my grandparents than to my parents who were still in the wooing phase of their relationship.
Both at their beginning of their careers, my father as a short distance runner and my mother, participating on the national volleyball team, they were suddenly propelled on the flip-side.
Tied to this little creature with protuberant eyes for a lifetime, being constantly flooded with requests that made them tired, anxious and discombobulate, immersing themselves in troublesome and tiresome daily tasks of kissing boo-boos, unable to handle me at full capacity. On top of that, they were stuck in a former communist country with no sign of escaping, dreaming at the pie in the sky, trying to accept my then unbearable presence. To say at least, some years were filled with bitterness and anger.
I don't blame them now. Their feelings were justified.
Statistically, the majority of people are fairly certain their parents are at the root of their psychological problems and one of the greatest challenges one may face is avoiding to throw the blame on the parents for their current problems.
Most people have a few skeletons in their cupboard for good reasons. I take my skeletons out, one by one, and deconstruct them in plain sight.
My parents will always have a real chip on their shoulder because they didn't do the things they wanted because I believe wholeheartedly they would have done things differently if I was still a speck in the Universe. That feeling of being unsatisfied was there for many years, as I felt it between the lines of confusing messages, quarrels I did not start and what if's I still can't answer.
One of my greatest challenges in life was to forgive my parents because they’re human. To see them in a different light and to start cleansing away the root of my bitterness. To give thanks for everything they have bestowed upon me until now and pray for their continuous health. To stop withholding love and affection on both sides and to start a simple conversation without biting my tongue.
In hindsight, we should have done this a long time. But that's the thing with hindsights, it's always twenty-twenty and what works for someone in that moment, may not work for the other. We cannot always click, we cannot always sync.
We will have setbacks in our life because of things we cannot control. Conflicts, unspoken words, unsettled subjects. We may or we may not find the root of some of our problems, hear the other persons point of view and some relationships may remain aloof infinitely. I do not hold the answer as I am still deconstructing this particular skeleton.
I am pushing 30 and I still didn't found the courage to stop and ask them about the story of their cracked palms..so there's that :)
Gee, that’s so darn profound. :)
There is this story that we carry 2 bags, one in front of us with the mistakes of others and one in the back with our own mistakes. So in a way it is kind of natural and easy to blame the parents. Me, i love the easy way :-)
Such a good story....Going to keep it in my mind. ❤
My Dear Szuri, i think our life is not that different you know... i was too unplanned, and I too kind of "ruined" the plans, but I don't believe things happen for no reason, and to be honest with you, I did have that convo with mom once... it was liberating...
much love
Hopefully one day I will have that conversation as well and maybe find some sort of balance in this imbalance...a leap of faith. Much love!
I’ve got some years on you and I’m still deconstructing the parents. It’s like an onion; layer after layer. Writing about it helps peel them away so I applaud your courage. Here’s a link to a piece I wrote some months back about my mother. Perhaps it may strike a chord. Or even a potato 😉 https://steemit.com/story/@outrayjust/poppies
Superbly written! ❤
I will no longer look at a field of poppies with the same eyes.
I’m following you, btw. This journey is always better with kindred spirits.
Forgiving them is a huge step.
I was a mistake too and both my parents treated me terrible and I have a hard time forgiving them.
❤
What the unconscious hides & cajoles, particularly its rigidness to be altered, I find to be a major problem; à la when one has tried exhaustively.
That there are some issues deliberately persevering that cannot be solved, & perhaps futile.
Id est quid est.
What you have described alludes to the conundrum of Epoché and its consequence (more free from distress=equanimity; yet discomfort if rejecting worldview/ideology/loss of self?) vs
Persistence in anschauung (faith to self=not feeling like one has rejected their spirit; yet distress and worry evident, never content)
Yet isn't the former indifference? Reminds me of 'what is hardened will never win' (Tarkovsky).
Which of these should you, I or anyone choose? (If what I'm saying is understood)
"But that's the thing with hindsight, it's always twenty-twenty..."
Not always. I think mine's only about thirteen eleven :-)
It's still better than no hindsight at all :)
Thank you for reading.
Ah 30 and so wise. So I am going to tell you what I know about you. I could be wrong but I am pretty good at this kinds stuff.
You are or was some kind of perfectionist. You have suffered some kind of heartbreak or abuse and you are in the process of healing. You are an empath and can feel others pain and if you could you would help everyone. You like to fix people because deep down inside you think that you are broken, but you know this isnt true and want to find out why you think things that arent true..
ok ok. Truth here. Thats really more about who I am which is why I think I see it in you. Thanks for stopping by my post.Btw We are not Broken, We do not need to be fixed, We are here for a purpose and if we continue to practice awarness, forgiveness,gratiude, empathy and compassion we will live a life congruent with our purpose. You are a shining beacon especially when you are leading by example
I am pretty glad we are on the same page :)
So now we can comment on each other's posts and we can also speak in a thousand silent ways.
❤
Took me years to forgive my parents for the mistakes they made that scarred my sister and i. They were 18 when they had my sis and five years later had two kids. They did the best they could possibly do and kime most people, seriously fucked up.
As long as we don't make the same mistakes, or at least try not to make them, I think we're good to go. Although, I do know we are going to fuck up as well.