Human beings seem compelled to put their focus on the end result.
How much of what we do comes out of the pure joy of doing it?
Being attached to outcomes comes with a high cost.
The other day, I was speaking with a friend of mine and he was telling me how every time he motivates himself to start exercising again, it never takes long before he gives up altogether on this endeavor as he tells himself that it’ll take too long before he starts noticing a difference. That’s precisely where we cut ourselves short. The more our focus rests on what’s external to us, the harder it will be to find the strength to keep on going when things don’t go as planned.
Romantic relationships are an interesting example to examine in light of this tendency of ours to lay our attention on the reward. According to different people, there can be a myriad of different rewards that come out of being in a romantic relationship. If there were nothing "positive" to gain out of being in one, no one would dive into the complex territory of committed partnerships to begin with.
That’s what’s the most interesting part to me: the fact that on their own, romantic relationships aren’t intrinsically pleasurable per say. It is what you add into them that makes them so. Yet again, we rely here on some form of hope based on the fragile foundation of expectations. Like a Jenga tower, if you take away one of the "wrong" piece, the whole thing crumbles. In other words, it is risky business to solely depend on the external benefits that come with the relationship package we signed ourselves up for.
This way of operating is fucking us up real good. First of all, because we are giving our power away in the hands of whatever holds it, whether that’d be faith, expectations, our paycheck, our spouse, etc. Consequently, if life doesn’t match up with the narratives in our mind of how we’d like it to unfold, we become disappointed, sad, angry, decide to give up, you name it.
Yet it’s silly because it does not have to be this way. We inadvertently sabotage ourselves by being attached to things we do not have full control over.
If your job didn’t provide you with a paycheck, would you still do it?
If you knew that your current romantic relationship was not going to last "forever", would you still choose to stay in it?
If you knew that sitting on multi millions of dollars was not going to change how you feel internally, would you still pursue your quest to the riches?
As a retired ballet dancer which I’ve been for 13 years of my life, I wouldn’t dance anticipating the end of the dance. I would dance, enjoying each step as they’d come, not overly focused on the next one ahead. It’s the process that matters. The growth that can happen throughout each of the endeavors we choose to venture into. The reward is in you. Don’t ever look outside to find it.
Truth be told (lol.... jks...or not:P)
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ENGAGEgo to steem-engine.com.The problem with humans is that we are granted with terrible foresight. We have great hindsight. Every new adventure, looks like nirvana when looking ahead. We flooded with excitement to prospect of what and where we could be going. Through romance in there and we are hopeless. We become addicted to a fleeting feeling that can really never be quenched. Maybe in short bursts, but not over long periods. Like with the metaphor you used about working out, we can sustain for short bursts and ride the dopamine releases, but the outcomes are either to far out or completely out of bounds. There either has to be an unstoppable "want to" or a undeniable love for whatever it is to sustain us to the desired outcome.
The other problem with humans, is that the finish line is a forever moving target. Our lives are filled with "if only" and "when I" statements that make getting to a point of happiness a virtual impossibility. As crazy as it sound, we have to let go of things to gain control of them.
FYI, you are the first ballet dancer that I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. I am very interested in how being involved in that world impacted or related to your world outside of dance. I am sure that, like with many specialized communities, like dance or sports, sometimes the inner workings are much different than the outside world. Almost like a bubble.
Wow! I love it!! Terrible foresight. Great hindsight. You are spot on about everything! Like a mirage, it always looks like something different from afar, but the closer you get, the more your initial illusion gets crushed;)
You’re sweet! That is such a great question! Sadly, my memories revolving around my dancing journey are tinted with a lot of sadness and pain. I started dancing at 4-5 years old, and in high school I was in a private school that had a dance program. We would dance everyday and had courses to take after school. It wasn’t initially meant to be competitive, but the competition was there anyway. It’s interesting because ballerinas make it look easy on stage, but there’s a lot of work that goes into it. It’s really a demanding sport. My teenage years were extremely hard for me, and I ended up developing an eating disorder which affected tremendously my ability to perform all the sports I was practicing at the time, including dancing. I picked up a lot of dysfunctional coping mechanisms from my dancing years actually. For the first time in my life I faced rejection (I had no friends in my dance program) and that really took a huge toll on my self, especially because in high school you get “judged” for that kind of stuff. I’m not sure I really answered your question:P but ya still to this day I carry some scars from that time of my life and it’s one of the reasons that led me to quit.
💗💗