Self Identity

We exist as an "identity" in our minds. It starts with our name, our gender identification, our sexual orientation, what race/tribe/family we are apart of, and then it builds from there through experiences. Eventually we form personal identity boundaries based on the pleasure or misery of our past experiences. For example someone might say, "I do this, but I don't do that" based on their past experiences. "That's just who I am," he or she would say.

The concept of who we are, or our self identity, that we build over time provides a framework for us to operate within in an otherwise wild and scary world. So creating it can help us feel safe, and is somewhat a necessity. BUT, when we start to hunker down and attach so tightly to the identity we have created it can begin to function not as a structure and an order within which to operate in a scary world, but instead as a confinement. As in walls. As in rigidity. As in lots of rules and restrictions we place on ourselves based upon past experiences, and anticipated results we are now trying to avoid based on those past experiences. In other words the walls we build for safety and protection can end up boxing us in and closing us off to opportunities and to the flow of life.

For example, my mother used to serve me Lima beans as a kid. I hated those Lima beans. She rarely forced me to eat anything I really did not like, but I recall not being allowed to leave the table until I ate my damn Lima beans. 😣 The texture and flavor of these beans was nasty as hell to me. So, I learned how to swallow them whole. No texture. No taste. Down the hatch. Excused from the table. Done ✌🏾The problem is that from that yucky childhood experience, I still carry "I don't eat Lima beans" around with me as part of my identity to this day, 40 years later. I'm a grown-ass-adult who loves most vegetables, and yet I still avoid those beans because they are part of my story! I identify as someone who doesn't eat those beans because of what happened to me in my past experience.

Why am I still choosing to carry that negative story around as part of who I am today? What if I could let that go and try the beans today? And if I still don't like them, would that the the end of the world? No. I would just know what is true for me NOW vs carrying around a heavy load of bullshit rules like, "I eat or do this, but I don't eat or do that."

What if we dropped even larger parts of our story beyond what we eat? What would happen if we just let it go of the labels, the aversions, the accomplishments, the failures, the relationships we think we have to maintain? What if we released our grip on the roles we cling to...like our roles as the hero or the victim? Letting go of that stuff we built up around us for safety, but that may have slowly become very confining unbeknownst to us?

What would your life be like if you let go of your story...your walls?