My father is dying on cancer and I am dying with him

Hello Steemit I need to tell someone what I am feeling, because I do not want to talk with my close family.

I am 22 yr old man, I am studying at university of technology, but I am doing this for my family because they wanted this. I am dying inside me through disease of my father, addiction of betting and cs go.

My father is in 57 yr old, he is sick on lung cancer. We knew that he was terrible sick , when he had first chemoteraphy , we were optimistic because he had 90 % regression but a 3 months later it comeback a much much stronger . Currently cancer is on liver , lung and stomach.

I am helping my father all the time, but a few days ago, cancer attacked him with very strong power. I took him to hospital. He could walk first day, but on the second when I came to hospital, I saw vegetable, my heart his bleeding all the time. He lost 35 kilograms of weight in one year, he is like skeleton.
Doctors gave him special painkillers, which made him not him. He is only looking at wall, he does not want to eat anything.
You know I am atheist but I was praying yesterday to my grandmother, which died 10 years ago. I pleased my grandmother to help my father to not suffer.

I am trying to be hard man, for my mother who needs my help. I am not walking into school, because I know that is more important to be with my father in his last moments in the life. Doctors told that he has a few days of life.
When I am in my room , I am closing doors , taking a bottle of a vine , and I am crying all the night .

I can’t sleep , I can’t eat , I can’t live , I am doing all for my mother . You know it is the strongest power in the life. Love to mother or father.

I don’t know what to do in my life, when my father will die, what will be with me ? I have big problem with betting , I don’t tell it to anyone but I lost 2000 $ through a few months , because it was form of fight with stress, I know I was stupid now I have to comeback to my real form . I told it for the first time , to someone , I won't make bet anymore I promise to you steemit people. If you had problems with this give me advice please.

I know that many people of you survived the death of relatives people , please tell me how to fight with self inside ? Thank you in advance.

Maybe I will write my shitty things to steemit, or make some videos to d.tube despite this that anyone will listen to me.

Bye steemit people