We are nearing the end of our vacation. I am feeling quite refreshed, but there is a resistance in my heart to going home. A return means taking up the mantle of responsibilities of parenthood. It's interesting how I am perfectly willing to bring my work with me. I find it fulfilling--writing, reading and responding to other writers. It is orderly and sensible, whereas parenting is often chaotic no matter what systems may be in place to ensure stability and routine.
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As we get closer to departure for home, anxiety blooms in my body. I feel myself retreating into my head. My ideal is that I will feel excited to see my children, delighted to be home, relaxed and ready for the hum of family life. This is not my reality. And that is perfectly okay.
This morning I will breathe deeply. I will work to remain present to enjoy the rest of this reprieve. I will be happy when I see my children. I will enjoy all of us being home. But I will also give myself compassion. Parenting is hard. Adulting is hard. Feeling overwhelmed is not bad or wrong. It just is.
Through acceptance I release resistance. The stress my body holds, just thoughts. I recognize the thoughts and let them go. I love being a mother even when I don't like it. I love my children even when I don't like their behavior. I love my home even when I want to run away.
I am a human bring living a human experience.
What thoughts are you working to let go?
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There is no other place in the world like home. We work hard because we love our family. We always want to see smile on their faces. I love my family.
Thank you @shawnamawna for sharing this! Hope you will find my posts interesting as I found yours!
Hello @shawnamawna , I like your blog. It's really helpful. Please stay with us, And thanks your share.
At first it seems like children are impulsive and can’t commit to systems. But from time to time they need to be off-grid and be unconditionally allowed to be themselves - of course with keeping an eye on them to assure their safety-. Being themselves out of any system from time to time would give them the opportunity to understand themselves and be me confident and most importantly would release the energy that makes them chaotic.
Thank you for sharing your ability to be honest with yourself and to be ok with it...
That struggle between the real and the ideal is very prominent in my life... Often leading to stress and guilt and overall lack of progress...spinning gears not working gears.
This post has been a gentle reminder to me to honor this knowledge not vilify it. Thanks again.
Hugs
Either this is the most genuine piece I’ve read from a parent, or your children are really just that naughty hehehe.