Back when I was religious, I read a book on religious etiquette that mostly told me to be barefoot in the kitchen, but there was one section that continues to speak to me. It talked about keeping up your home as an act of love for your partner.
I loved the equitability of this. More than that, I loved that it reframed chores as gifts. It helped me shift from being angry that I "had to" wash the dishes to taking pride in dishes washed because I did it to increase harmony in my life.
You may think that still sounds colonized, but it's fine to gift acts of service to others. It's also okay--and this is what really clicked for me--to gift those acts of service to yourself.
In a nutshell: I stopped cleaning for anyone else. Keeping up my home is an act of love I do first for myself.
This morning, I washed the dishes. My wife does that all the time. But she doesn't do it the way I do. I took apart the dish rack, scrubbed it and the counters. Washed the stovetop and dishes, and thought I skipped it today, I usually also sweep the floor. I like a clean space. I made myself happy by creating one.
The kitchen may not stay clean for very long. My wife loves oatmeal cookies, and I'd like to make her a batch. I don't often feel like baking, but it's a nice, cool day with sprinkles of rain. The leaves are starting to turn. It seems like a good day to do some baking. Plus, baking can be a gift to myself. Even though oatmeal raisin isn't my favorite cookie, the process of making them can be slow and calm. And washing up after will be a bonus.
It's always a little weird to me when I find I've held onto something from my faithful days. Especially when it was meant to indoctrinate the division of labor across the sexes. Fortunately my wife and I are both women, so that logic doesn't apply. ;)