Chaos and Creativity: 2

I drew this a year ago, and learned a very valuable and hard-won lesson around the time I created this piece...

Barn Owl:
Medium- Oil Pastels and Micron Pen.

You can love someone and for the greater good need never be in their presence. Wow that was a large, bitter pill to swallow, because that lesson was disguised with the sugar coating of all of my dreams coming true. I wanted so badly to believe the past could be rewritten, and I lied to myself- I pretended that the only price of such a feat was my forgiveness of this person whom ment so much to me. I didn't allow myself the dignity of being angry, too. It is fantastically simple to blame only yourself and to exalt someone else. It took longer than I now wish it had (it took years) for me to realise that I deserved to be angry for the way that person treated me, to be furious even, for the fact that he demanded loyalty and fealty from his friends but somehow I was excluded from that lot. I was striving to be worthy when I was already so much more.

The hardest lesson to learn is that someone can hurt you, be dishonest with you and at the same time never once lie to you about their true feelings. You can lose, even when you are the only one left standing as the dust settles. Panting and breathless, victory can quickly turn sour as your essence leaks from your being. You survive, but you are clearly different now, angry for having been left behind by those defeated. What is left? Well, still you of course, with everything you thought imortant seeping out of you and into the earth.

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