@onceuponatime, your post strikes a chord in my heart because I lost my dad early this year who lived until 90 year old. You mentioned about visiting your dad in the full care nursing home and it reminds me of the day when we had to take dad to the nursing home almost the year earlier before my dad died. At that time, nobody knew how long dad would be in the nursing home, but I remember the first night when he was there, I cried seeing him trying to get out of his bed to go home. Of course, he didn't have strength to get out of the bed because of the high bed rail, but watching him like that was very torturing. When I left that evening, he told me: I will die here. It's true, he never went back home. His will to live was not very strong either. He was facing death head on like what you are sharing here. And then after 4 months in the nursing home, he was on tube as he could not swallow very well. So it was very miserable for him. And then I saw his frail body getting weaker and weaker . Watching his helpless situation was very difficult for me as he finally breathed his last. This past year's experience makes think more about old age and death. Old age is really tough and we don't have any choices in this matter. So I believe we really need to live well while we are young and 'give' as much as we can to those around us to make our strength count, because one day we won't have the strength even if we want to. Just some thoughts here.
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Thank you for telling us about your experience with your father. I would also like to hear what you have to say about your own death.
I think about my own death now more than before, and it is because many close relatives and older friends die every year. After this year experience with my dad, I am more afraid of aging than dying. When one day I see myself helpless physically, I think death is very welcoming to end all the suffering. But we dont have a choice on this matter of when we will die. It seems most people need to age to die. I remember reading about Tuesday with Morrir where Morrie welcomed both old age, aging, and death. He talks about true freedom, to enjoy the aging process leading to final death. I prefer quick death. Dont want it prolong. What about you?