Hi Diary, Wao! I have not written since 1st January. I planned on writing on the 1st but was not able to because that day my mom called some poor children to give them food and some clothes. My whole day went in that as I was managing things for her. Anyways, The first day of the year was very good as I didn't face much problems.
Yesterday:
I traveled to another city AGAIN! And just for food. It was really an amazing day for me. Actually, as always I went there with my sister. It was noon when she finished her work and it was time for food. And so we went to dominos. After the lunch, I accidentally bumped with a very nice man. He holds 2 Guinness book of world record. When I came to know this, I was seriously surprised! It was really an awesome experience for me because there was this positivity around him, that I constantly search for. He was truly a gentleman.After the meet, my sister told me that my elder most sister is coming to the same city to meet me [I actually knew this before but was pretending that I don't know anything infront of my sister]. I really wanted to meet her but at the same time, I was scared! I don't want to write a lot because I am depressed right now and I seriously don't know what the heck am I doing?My sister gifted me an RC car as well as a smallest RC helicopter. But it's so sad that I was not able to do anything for her these years. I cannot even face myself. Everything aside, I absolutely love the toys. I don't know how to fly an RC helicopter but I am learning it.
And Today:
I thought that I will write about my trip and all the awesome things happened to me in these past 2 days very beautifully, but I failed just because I am very depressed right now.Everything is fucked up!Less than 2 months are left for my final exams and no matter how hard I try, I am unable to keep things in my mind. My brain has seriously changed in 2 years! I am not able to study! But there are much bigger problems standing right infront of me. I thought of a year but I only have 3 more months to do something because...SHIT!I don't have money for business, I can't study, I am good at just one thing - NOTHING. And to back this shit up I only have 3 months to do something or after that thing will go so much worse that there's a huge chance of everything ending with DEATH! I am serious!I anyhow need money before 5 February as Valentine's will be a week away. And Valentine is only a single thing that can save everything. I will do a short-term business which can not just help but will drastically improve things by 1000%. But as always, everything going on is super highly fucked up!I cannot express how bad will things go. But the things happening today are just because of my fault. I am the shittiest person on earth! Every vulgar word is smaller than what I did. But wait, What I did? The problem is I fucking didn't do anything. I was sleeping for 2 years. I am the person who thinks that he is very mannered but in reality, I am just a fucking person who just know one fucking thing - COMPLAINING. Complaining gave me nothing but depression and failure. I wasted 2 years of my life just by doing nothing! I had a lot of time and I was waiting for things to automatically get better. I was constantly manipulating myself. This Is The Truth.And nothing better happened but eventually, things now became much worse than they initially were. Nothing happens Automatically!And now I am laughing because I am an idiot. I don't know what to do? I am totally depressed. I cannot find a way to reach my destination! If I focus on studies, I will not be able to do anything and in result after 3 months from now, everything will be finished. However, if I focus on what I really want to do, I will fail in examinations! And on the second note, I don't even have money.
I want to write a heck lot but I have to finish some basic routine stuff at my home so I will write more tomorrow noon.MY LIFE IS FUCKED UP VERY BAD!
