Ok, imagine you've just had one of those days when you're boss has passively aggressively told you that you're not productive enough.
You know the type... always with the questions.
Q: "Do you think taking 4 days to produce a report is acceptable?"
A: Yes, I do when the report is potentially going to win us over half a million pounds to complete our project within the charity. The fckn KPI's are on your database and therefor your responsibility to add a page to the report indicating they were all met or exceeded.
Q: "How long does lunch break really need to be?"
A: One hour. I was told firmly by my line manager that not taking a one-hour lunch break was against the charity's own rules, and also illegal based on what is written in my contract.
Q: "Since when did it become so hard to use a mobile phone to email 1000 people?"
A: Since forever you mad person.
Q: "Why don’t you have MailChimp installed on your phone?"
A: Because I value my life and don't try and text while doing 80 MPH down the M6 to attend a meeting about what the agenda will be for the next meeting.
Q: "Why couldn't you email the list while driving half the length of the country using your hands-free headset?"
A: IT'S ILLEGAL IN THE UK TO USE HANDS-FREE TECH NOW!
Q: "When will the press release be ready, tomorrow?"
A: The press release was ready yesterday; it is just that the overzealous ex-journalist in our coms department believes he needs to proofread everything I write because I only got a degree in 'Imaginative Writing'.
I mean... what does that even mean?
It means I can put myself in the mind of a journalist, and write in a journalistic style to put together a simple press release about the rare breeding pair of mating birds of prey called Merlin on one of the nature sites we manage.
At this point I need to clarify I didn’t actually answer my project manager most of the time, the answers in this post were hypotheticals, what I would have said if I’d just let my mind free to speak the truth. Generally, I just ignored the stupid questions or dropped a piece of work (such as a report on her desk in front of her without answer) and in extreme cases I’d take it up with my line manager, who always agreed with me. Fckn corporate culture is what it is though, and it has even infiltrated ecological charity organisations!
Quite honestly, there is nothing I find more idiotic and counter-intuitive than micromanaging passive-aggressive bosses. I'd have preferred a simple, "get it done, it's what you're paid for"... ahhhh I'm so glad I no longer work for a company 😂
Phewweee, well that was quite a rant and perhaps you can see why I have never worked for anyone other than myself since I worked the job that I lifted that conversation from... and they were a fairly well-meaning charity, who treated their employees with a decent measure of respect.
So, my question to you is this - if after a day of pointless questions taking up valuable time where you could be completing the tasks that actually needed doing, would you want the healthy option (picture one) or would you go for A Dirty Big Yorkshire Pud with Mash picture two?
One is undoubtedly better for your body, option one is a lovely Thai noodle salad with 5 protein-rich fishcakes (and to be honest I've probably chosen too nice a healthy option here to make my point), or would you go with the comforting, belly busting, carb coma-inducing, option two.
Some people might think I'm a little mad here, and they're probably right 😂
Number one is the more sensible option, and you'll probably sleep better and wake up better able to face the day.
But stress can do strange things to a person, which is why I raised this point. The Thai salad and fish cakes would take ages to make, whereas the pre-made Yorkshire pudding takes 5 minutes in the oven, and the accompanying veg about 10 minutes to boil up (I'm a vegetarian so I know this would all take longer if you were adding meat into the mix), then whack some onion gravy granules in a jug, give it a good mix and then pour it all over that oozy carb fest.
The funny thing is that ordinarily, I would go for the Thai salad and fishcakes any day of the week... apart from when I used to have to deal with unnecessary stress from a particularly passive aggressive project manager.
Speaking of project management... I'm off now to cook up a lasagne.
"Do you really feel it's necessary to blend up the chopped tomatoes into a fine sauce?"
Oh, sorry I was channeling the spirit of my old project manager again there, I must exorcise her spirit quickly before the lasagne ends up ruined 😉
So, out of the two options, given the stress scenario I’ve narrated, which would you choose. Please let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading 🌿
All photos and media design used in this post are my own.
Camera Used: Samsung S7 Smart Phone.
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Number two carb bomb toilet exploaive lal the way. And my answers to the boss would be 'bugger off, I quit' xD
Yeah, I do enjoy a carb-bomb every now and again as well.
Luckily, I have no more boss these days to have to answer to 👍😀
Btw, aI'd regret the decision shortly after if there wasn't a plan b hahaa
Never understood why person in position question those employed for a task, checked all your credentials before you started, phoned all references to make sure you not on a wanted list, then why tell them how to work?
Option 1; trim down, take out the 'boss', leave me to do what I was employed to do, then enjoy lunch....
Ha ha, yeah I am usually an option 1 person these days tbh Joan.
Aye, I'm not a big fan of micro-management, and I'm glad I don't have to put up with it any more. If I'd known at the time how dodgy my boss (at the time) methods were, I might have tried to make some type of complaint. Such is life, in the end that project I worked on helped a lot of people, so I guess it was worth all the stress... 😒
Thanks for reading my rant 👍
Walking away sometimes the best we can do for our own mental stability, obnoxious middle management can be the absolute worst! Good rant gets rid of negative for more positive thoughts to prevail !LOLZ
Delicious and healthy