Buying my dream home, aka "worst case ever" - part eight

When I moved into my house, there were papyrus reeds planted next to the kitchen wall and I assumed that it had been done to soak up excess rainwater, as the gutters discharged into the small alleyway between my house and the boundary wall. I noticed that the outlet from the kitchen sink also went into the reed bed but I assumed that there were pipes leading the dishwater to the sewer. There was no external drain but it would have been difficult to lay large pipes because the house is built on the rock.
A year and a half later, I got around to cleaning up the bottom of the passage as my tenants were complaining about water coming through the floor and and once we had cleared the bricks and building rubble that had been dumped against that wall I saw that there was a similar situation to the one that had existed at the front of the house: there was rain water pooling against the wall. I threw more concrete to direct the water away from the wall and then turned my attention to what lay beneath the reeds at the back door. I put the reeds up for adoption in the neighbourhood garden swop and there were plenty of happy takers for the tall papyrus. Once the reedbed was lifted, I realised to my horror that the kitchen sink outlet had a piece of concertina pool hose attached to the end with gaffer tape and the dishwater drained into the reeds.

There was a broken elbow about 6m away which had been obscured by the reeds and it went through the wall and connected to a downpipe that led to the sewer. When I discussed reconnecting the pipes with the neighbour, he told me that the reeds had been there for many, many years and that he’d often had dishwater flowing down his stairs. Why he’d never mentioned this before is anybody’s guess, but as the utilities saga shows, he steadfastly avoids dealing with anything.
It seems that a 6m length of pipe had been forced to bend over a stepped surface and when it had inevitably cracked, instead of spending a little bit of money on a pair of 45 degree bends, somebody thought it would be a fabulous idea to go off to the garden centre to buy some reeds and create a swamp down the side of the house instead.

There was a poplar tree on the front side of the house that had sent roots under the house and was being sustained by the kitchen sink. Once I had cleared the roots and mess and stopped the water flow, the tree died. I wasn’t sorry, as they are an invasive alien species of plant and I want to plant something indigenous that is more suited to the dry conditions.

It beggars belief that anyone could have thought that this was a viable solution and although there is evidence of damp on the kitchen walls, it doesn’t appear to have turned into dry rot in the house, only on the boundary wall, and that is a minor miracle. I bought some rainwater tanks to catch the water from the roof to further reduce the water flow down the side of the house and I will install these over winter, once it is all dry below and I can replaster the wall and throw fresh concrete. I grew up on a smallholding with french drains and I know better than to use the kitchen sink as a dustbin so I am unlikely to block the drains but all the elbows do have access ports just in case.

By now, anyone who has been reading this must be wondering what on earth possessed me to buy this house and the short answer is: for the rocks. Next episode, pictures of said rocks.