If you can't feel your legs, but can move your toes. Your not paralyzed! 10LBS of soupy Dookie

To start this off,

I want to explain its weird how certain situations and moments in life stick in your head for what ever reason. No matter what you always remember a certain fact or process for no reason. You could of heard it for a split second on the background tv noise and it stuck with you forever or it may have been through a certain event that made the certain information stick in your head. I don't actually remember where I got this fact or who I even heard it from, but when I was very young I learned that if you break your legs and you can still move your toes; your not paralyzed. So that fact was burned into a corner of my brain and has stuck with me. I don't know if anyone else has certain weird things that have stuck with them, but this is one of my facts that for whatever reason didn't leave.

I liked to dirt bike and atv growing up. Ironically never broke a bone in my life, excluding fingers and toes. Its funny, I always thought to myself that I made it too far with out actually hurting myself severally. I always think its funny how one certain thing can change everything. For instance, you drop your keys and it makes your a little late. But then while sitting in traffic, the car in front go you gets hit by another car. Do you ever consider the fact, that if you didn't drop your keys that would be you? Or if you take an extra moment to change the radio station before you leave, could alter so many things.

Well one day I was with some of good friends 4 wheeling around and we made it back to the house. For some reason something in me just kept going. Even though I was super tired from the whole day, I felt like going for one more run. The crew fallowed behind and we had a track around the corner, figure I would hit a lap and then go home. Needless to say, I hit 2 whoops and got boosted upside down. The atv is still moving forward at a high rate of speed and I'm literally upside down hanging on for dear life. I remember turning my head a little and see my buddy riding next to me. I thought I could push myself away from the bike enough. I ended up throwing myself to the side but not far enough. I hit the top of a whoop and the atv came down after at about 30mph.

I heard this crack in my body that sounded like the loudest pop ever when you crack your knuckles or back. But this one came from inside and I could feel the loudness from the pop inside my eardrums trying to escape out my ear. I instantly tried to push my body up. Nothing. I couldn't move or feel anything under my waist. I lay back down for a second and catch a breath and try and pick myself up again, NOTHING. Never felt anything like this before, completely no feeling or ability to move anything from my waist down. So I stop trying and lay out. I can hear my friends coming back from me. My heart is racing now, I have so much adrenaline running through me, I honestly feel no real pain just yet. Im starting to freak out..... Then it hit me.

The fact that was burned in my brain as a child, if I can move my toes I'm going to be ok and not paralyzed. Its funny at that one moment, everything was in slow motion. I mean so slow that the world stopped for me at that split millisecond. As this old memory hit my receptors, I felt my brain shoot the transmissions of this knowledge from my brain down through my back down to my toes to move,THEY MOVED! Every single one I felt moving.... I didn't stop moving them for about 30 seconds to make sure lol It was crazy that one moment when I was a child, the certain subliminal information that was burned in my brain, is being used for exactly the purpose it was intended for. Makes you wonder about predestination. But that moment of moving my toes, gave me a sense of relief. I was about to calm down for a moment, until the adrenaline wore off and the unbelievable pain set in. Thankfully the ambulance was there shorty after to hit me with some drugs to numb the pain.

The fun continues. Remember I never broke a bone before in my life. The emts knew it was a long bone fracture, they were suppose to bay flight me out, but didn't. smooth ride in the ambulance....NOT. Im at the hospital and they run me through an xray. Soon after I find out, my hip is out of place and I broke my pelvis.... Need immediate surgery. Imagine the phone call my mom got from me lol

So they hit me with the news, "first I need to pop my hip back in place before the transport to another hospital for surgery". There are only 5 doctors who do the procedure I need in my state. The surgery is new and has only been around for about 5-7 year. ( will see how they did in another 10 years) They come in there and tell me whats about to happen. Doc says, "were about to hit you with what Micheal Jackson died off of and pop your hip back in"( he recently passed away at this time). They show me this huge shot with white liquid in it. I just remember waking up after seeing it and asking when we are about to pop my hip back; guess they already did it lol Drugs are crazy. So they watched me for a little while until the drug wore off and hooked me up to some different ones. Got me on an ambulance and sent me on my way. I had motion sickness from all the drugs, puked.

Got to the new hospital and say they are doing surgery in the morning. I don't really have a choice. No matter how afraid I am, its a life treating injury and needs to be operated on. Before 2007 they would put you in a full body cast with a poop shoot for 6-8 months. Crazy.

Its morning time about 7am. I haven't slept much. Scared, really scared. Im now down stairs in surgery prep room and they are just making me sign papers, basically saying if I die its not their fault and so on. I remember how much of a Scary feeling signing those kind of papers. Don't really remember being put under, just remember the yellow walls and weird smell, the beeps of the machines and the clock on the wall and staring at it.

I woke up to the wall of the previous room with the clock in front of me again. I feel even worse then before. The feeling of being butchered is weird. Everything was super soar. I could barley move now, everything hurt so bad. I was on Dilaudid and I had this button where you can hit it every 10 minutes and I would get a dose in my veins.... those 10 minutes couldn't come quick enough, believe me I did not miss an interval.

Just wait, Its gets just a little better lol

I will be honest I was not the best patient. Because I have never been stuck in a bed before or even in a hospital for more then 2 nights( being there for someone else). I am and always have been fully depended on myself. Needless to say I did not get the best care from some of the nurses. ANNNNNDD when my mother came to visit me the next day, my catheter bag over filled and so happens when you put pee back in your body, your body starts freaking out because it knows something is wrong.... well so happens you can seize up from it. Well thats exactly what happened, I felt my whole body tingle real bad mid sentence. Boom, I just start going stiff. First my jaw locks up in this weird sideways positions and I can't talk, only making sounds. Which makes me start panicking and I try and get up, but I can't. My arms now lock up, my fingers are stiff as metal in this weird formation. I felt like the lady from the exorcist, all crumpled up. Basically paralyzed at this moment except I can move my eyes. Im still trying to say things and I'm yelling sounds by now thinking "I'm going to die". I don't know whats going on. My poor mother if freaking out screaming for doctors to come. Screaming, " my son is dying"... I remember one of the nurses coming in what felt like a life time later and stood over me. I could see it in his eyes that he was a little freaked out when he looked at me. He says, I remember thinking, "damn" when I saw his reaction. A few moments later more doctors and nurses came in and surrounded me.

I only remember waking up a few hours later.

things went normal for the next few days. Then about the 6th day in ICU, I still haven't went number 2. All the drugs for pain and through the surgery locked me up inside. Well on about the 6th day, they give you the option you try all day and get it out or we have to put a suppository and let it come out..... damn it. Soooo for the next 4 hours straight I drank endless amount of prune juice. I had a commode next to my bed, I had a roomate and he was next to the bathroom. I had to get carried, so they tried to cut off the distance; which was nice.(thinking about it, its weird I got that option looking back it. I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't put the commode next to my bed; in hindsight) about 2 hours after consumption I woke up. straight pain, I'm sweating and panting like a puppy. Hit the button for help, because they said not to get up by myself, I'm hooked up to an iv and have no mobility in one leg and not allowed to put any pressure on it what so ever or my leg could break. They had to cut in through my butt and completely open me to get to my pelvis. I had to get every muscle and tenant cut to reach the bone and put in the plate and screws. I basically can't do a single thing except lay on my back and sit up some for 6 months, then 6-8 months more to learn how to walk again. Alright, so a gallon of prune juice down and a week of back up is ready to come out.... No one is coming and I really don't know how long I can hold it waiting for a nurse to help me.... I'm in serous pain now and about to faint from holding it. I really don't want to shit myself in this bed, it would be the worst clean up ever. They would have to burn the whole bed how much I had coming. I would be embarrassed as well and wouldn't want anyone cleaning up after me like that. I hated asking them for anything, let alone clean up a week of soupy dookie. So I look at the commode and figure, I know life is about to be hard with this thing. I can either be a fighter in this moment and time or I'm going to lay in my own shit until some one comes and helps me. I have way to much pride. I get the rail down on the side of the bed and grab the commode with one had. I have one arm up in the air because the IV is on the other side of the bed.... (I just thought about the fact how lucky I was the IV was long enough smh) so now I start to lift my body up. I slide my left leg off and have it hang, I grab my lifeless leg and pick it up and slide it over some. I don't know what hurts more at this point, my leg or me having to poop. I slide more and more, hanging my other arm in the air with the damn IV, I finally feel the floor with my good leg. Im one step away from weighing 10 pounds less. I put a firm grip on the commode and put all my weight on my good leg plop down on the commode. I think as I'm plopping down, Im also pooping out. One of the best feelings I remember in a while. It was so bad and smelly, I had to apologies a few times as I'm filling this thing up to my roomate. He's there spring air freshener in the hospital lol. So like 10 minutes later a damn nurse finally comes in and are surprised to see me. Im drenched in sweat, pale white and ready to pass out. Honestly to this day, that was one of the most difficult things I ever did in my life. The girl helped me up and cleaned me up. I apologized a bunch. Some guy came in to throw it out, he gave me the gratification of knowing I pooped more in that bucket then he ever saw before in 7 years of work.

I remember that moment and think back to it when I'm in some tough or angry moments in life. I remember how hard that one thing was and I compare it to what I'm dealing with at the moment. Funny because, ill usually laugh at my current situation and brush it off after words. I stayed there for about 3 more day, then I was sent to a closer hospital. Puked again from motion sickness with all the drugs. I still have my 10 minute button. I don't have insurance, so they are trying to kick me out asap. But there are a few things I need to be able to do by myself before they can release me. I think another 8 days and they released me. Fresh air was amazing, car ride sucked. I was in there for almost 3 weeks.

The rehabilitation was tough and I couldn't go to a doctor after the 2nd free visit. I had 57 staples removed. I had to sleep for a year on my back. I could only sit up and had to have my leg elevated at all times. Slowly taught myself how to walk properly and had to stretch out so I could try and keep full mobility in my leg. I did pretty good, not great. It was a long battle. I had to use a commode for about a year and sit in the shower for a year. I basically couldn't do anything by myself for a year. It was crazy. I remember getting into a huge fight with my X at the time and got in the car and drove away at like 8 months in. I remember almost pissing myself from the pain of trying to press on the gas peddle. (it's funny the more and more I reminisce on those times, the more my leg is tingling)

But that was my journey, I had many many many obstacles to get through. Some that really stick with me today, putting on socks was a tear jerker. Sleeping on your side or getting all the way down on a toilet. Everyone has difficult moments, Im not happy I had to go through all of that, but I am understanding and grateful of what it has taught me. The kind of ethics and standards I hold of myself to, are stemmed back to my each of my injuries. I have to be the best I can be at all times and when I'm going through something really difficult, I have to sit back and think about that really hard time in my life. How scary that one moment was when I couldn't move my legs. The moment of either fight or flight when I had 10lbs of soupy poop about to bazooka out of me. Life throws you curve balls all the time, its how you handle them is the truth to the kind of person you are and will become. Im a fighter and will always be a fighter.

Thanks for reading