I happened by when I saw @denmarkguy resteem your story. This looks to be an awesome series! I love the idea of common threads.
My pursuit of love... hahaha... I fear it may be longer than a comment may allow but I'll share one... I was in such a hurry to find love, get married and start a family. At the age of 23 I was beginning to think I was an Old Maid. My mother had me when she was 20!
So I began dating a young man and eventually moved in with him. There were things that sent up little red flags in my mind but I was "so in love" - or rather maybe it was the idea of being in love - and I ignored those little red flags.
After giving birth to our first child I wonder if I stopped being a woman and became a wife and mother in his eyes. Wife = barefoot, pregnant, happy homemaker. Mother = evil. You can imagine he had mommy issues and I was not a happy homemaker.
Somehow I knew from the very beginning that we were not meant to be but, the pursuit of love, or being in love with the idea of love made me quiet my intuition. It was a very hard lesson in learning to love and trust myself after my divorce, but because of those experiences, I was able to recognize and appreciate my true love when he came along a few years later.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us, @merej99! That sounds like a difficult, and yet important, lesson to learn. I can relate, somewhat, to the pressure to get married young. I was raised Mormon and ended up going to BYU for college--where there's a huge focus on getting married. In fact, if you manage to graduate without getting married (or without having plans to do so) you're something of an enigma and people assume there's something wrong with you. I was almost married out of college, and now, 20 years later, I'm still single... but I love my life :)
Thank you again for sharing your story. I just checked out your profile and I can tell your very active and very giving to the community. I'd love to follow you and I'll look forward to reading your posts! Cheers
I definitely put on the pressure of getting married all by myself. I have no regrets because I've taken ownership in my decisions. With those lessons, I've been blessed with 3 amazing kids, one awesome stepson, and I'm married to my best friend/love of my life. :)
That's wonderful! I admire your perspective and I'm thrilled for you--you're life is blessed.
Reminds me a bit of elements of my first marriage... also in my early 20's; it was a strange "you'll do" situation-- me feeling pressured to conform with social norms; my ex very much "in love with love" (but not really with ME)... and then the strangeness of it being a relationship we somehow stayed in even 8 years after you could declare it "ended." We do odd things when we're young!
Yes! I know this "you'll do" attitude. In hindsight, I also recognized that I based my first marriage on false information/perceptions of what marriage was supposed to look like. I never saw my parents argue. My mother was always conciliatory. To the outsider looking in, I'd say she was obedient. I thought that was a mix of culture and how things were supposed to be.
It was after I got divorced that my mother told me how she and dad used to fight like cats and dogs when all the kids were sleeping. I felt like I was duped! LOL
I never saw my parents fight, or even raise their voices to each other. Nor did I see them being even remotely affectionate towards each other... they divorced when I was in my teens but it wasn't until after my mom died that her cousin explained that their marriage was pretty much "a business arrangement;" she got security, status and lifestyle; he got "a pretty arm ornament."