The Wormhole

Just another day in work when an earth shattering announcement was made by a very senior manager. For convenience we will refer to him as El Jefe.

Everyone, gather round. We have important news regarding our second office.

Now when you hear a comment like that your first reaction is to keek your breeks.* Were we all about to get sacked?
_{A popular saying in scotland, keek means to poo and breeks are trousers. I wil let you figure it out.*}

We gathered. There was an expectant hush as some thirty odd of us clustered near a whitewall which was covered in runic scrawls. Besides this stood a large covered tv screen on a stand.

El Jefe, inflated his chest like a penguin and began to speak.

We know communications have been difficult since we opened a second office down south. Some of you might say fraught!

He paused for the sycophantic chuckle that followed. Sure enough, over half the crowd guffawed and brayed their approval at his wit. Myself and a few others sighed, waiting to find out what warranted such an impromptu meeting.

He began to walk back and forth. Warming himself up by recounting the trials of a young company spreading itself wings geographically. We had to work on a solution he declared. I fought the urge to yawn like a rhino in the sun.

Then, he pulled the proverbial rabbit from the hat.

Everyone, allow me to unveil... The Wormhole!

Hot salty potatoes?! The what? Wormhole? I could barely believe my ears. As an IT department we created nicey nice software applications for people to use. But this? A wormhole?

The very foundations of my world were rocked. Did we have a secret team of boffins in the basement untangling the very fundamentals of the universe itself?

I felt a burst of pride. This. This was going to change

El Jefe stepped close to the TV screen on its stand and with a theatrical flourish whipped the covering from it.

Underneath, the TV was on and a slightly fish-eyed picture of a similar group of people standing before a similar TV was displayed.

The folk around me erupted into an exuberant bout of clapping and cheering. The people on the TV screen did the same.

I looked around. Slightly baffled I must confess.

El Jefe cleared his throat.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the wormhole! A live link to our other office which will be on 24/7!

The cheeering and clapping continued. I swear a woman nearby me looked ready to faint with the forced jubilation.

Holy cowfuck? The wormhole was a fucking webcam? What was this? 1995?

El Jefe turned to the screen, accepting a microphone passed by a mysteriously appearing assistant.

Can everyone hear me down there?

We can hear you El Jefe. What a pleasure it is too.

Replied back a similar El Jefe type.

El Jefe swept around to face us.

With the wormhole I expect a lot of our face to face communication issues will be a thing of the past. If anyone has any questions I would be glad to answer.

I couldn't help myself. I piped up.

So the wormhole... It's a webcam then?

Part of me yearned to be corrected. To be told that no, I was being silly and that we had perfected technology that allowed us to pierce the veil of the multiverse and that these folk on the screen were our other selves.

El Jefe tittered.

Not at all, what we have done is establish an instantaneous, always on connection to further communication with our colleagues down south.

What about getting webcams for our pc's and some decent teleconferencing software?

There was a deadly hush.

El Jefe wrinkled his nose slightly as if suddenly smelling fart water.

Well, that's further down the line. Let's concentrate on the low hanging fruit, the quick wins that will act as enablers for the department to go forward more efficiently.

Ah. Splendid then.

Someone clapped.

I fecked off back to my desk to ponder the hard life that was the cutting edge of software development.