Santa's Coming

Ho ho ho... Merry Christmas!

I hooted in the Good Lady's ear before giving her a resounding smack on the booty.

Will you bloody stop slapping my arse?!

The Good Lady exhibited a distinct lack of Christmas spirit by not immediately giggling and jumping up like a Japanese anime girl.

Have you been good for Santa? Ho ho ho.

I attempted another swat of the bahookie which the Good Lady managed to field deftly by whacking me with a wooden spoon.

Right you, enough. We have guests coming?!

She gave me a stern look as if I wasn't the most incredible Christmas man ever.

Santa's came already

I leered channelling the very best of old bearded white men.

Oh my fucking god. You are incorrigible, beat it. Entertain the children or something, I am getting my potatoes on.

She turned away from me swiftly dodging another Christmas bum slap.

Maybe Santa's potatoes need some basting. Ho ho ho.

I danced the way I envisaged that old people in snowy countries would. Which involved lots of sideways swaying and leering as if you had buried a fish in your garden and were digging it up in the early hours of a frosty morning two weeks later.

The Good Lady darted up to me, snake quick, jabbing her wooden spoon under my chin.

Right you, go and make yourself busy for our guests or Santa's wife will be mashing some bloody potatoes.

She grinned as if winding up a watch and getting to the tight finished bit.

Reluctantly I stepped backward like Homer disappearing into a hedge.

This ain't over baby. Santa's coming, potatoes or no potatoes.

I marched off to do some Christmas Scut work. Damn, bloody guests on Christmas day, they ruin everything.*

A short snippet of a post just so I could say Merry Christmas to all my Hive buddies and mortal enemies! MERRY CHRISTMAS HOMIES!

_{^{I almost didn't post but I saw my feed was festooned with mad folk posting like fuck so thought I would join in :O)}}