I saw the empty car parking space near the front of the shopping mall.
Bingo.
I shouted over the wild banging gangsta rap that was blaring from my car stereo. The car park had a silly one-way system which meant to get in the space I would have to drive a half a mile round journey the opposite way to come back to this bit.
There were no other cars about.
Playas gonna play!
I yelled with happy abandon as I splobbed the car in the wrong way and quickly reversed into the golden space. Halfway through my reversing I heard an angry car horn.
Beep!! BEEEP... BEEEEEEEEEP!!
I looked up merrily. There was a small white sports car close to mine revving its engine and sounding its horn. At the wheel was a woman in her late forties with a leonine mane of hair swirling around a worn and angry face. The red lipstick smeared liberally over her lower jaw made it look like she had just munched on a bison.
I gave her my best smile. One which I reserved for ladies who were lucky enough to be in the running for a little turkey's neck.
It was my daughters birthday today and I had been dispatched to pick up her cake from the shop. I was in an exceptionally good mood. The coffees had flowed like wine and the chocolates and sweets eaten so far meant everything was a little sparkly.
I got out my splendidly parked car At the same time, the leathery-faced lion woman got out of hers.
It's a bloody one-way system!
She screeched in a white-haired madwoman way.
I paused momentarily as I was searching for a spare plastic bag from the boot and looked up.
Yes, yes it is. Well done!
I called cheerily and went back to my bag hunting. There, found one. I surfaced from the boot. The dead sea scroll faced woman had taken a step or two closer. Little flecks of white at the corners of her lips.
THAT IS HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!
She yodelled like a demented Swiss.
Not today milady, not today!
I chuckled like a man observing his shaved nadgers in a mirror for the first time.
She turned purple, then a sort of mauve. Her jaw trembled and it looked like some pustulent hiccup was forming deep under her jacket.
TYPICAL BLOODY MAN!
She screamed as if she was holding on to my ears and ejaculating.
I swaggered past her as if wearing wet tracksuit bottoms and tipped her a wink.
Calm down lass. We don't want your insides falling out of your vagina!
I carried on with a lively spring in my step and a song in my heart. Life is too short to get all angsty over a parking space!
I kill you, LOL! You know, I haven't really been subjected to road rage personally, but I've been in the car with my mother when she was, haha, to this day we have no idea what she did but a car pulled up beside her and the guy, whose face was the shade of your crazy lady yelled "What an asshole!" into the window. He seriously looked like he was about to have a seizure. My kids were with us, and about two seconds of stunned silence later we were all cracking up so hard we couldn't breathe. The guy saw this, threw out his middle digit and sped away, LOL. But seriously, what kind of rage do you have to have to scream at my mother?? haha!
My girlfriend had someone tooting and swearing behind her one day, when she was waiting to turn onto a busy highway. So got out of the car, tottered up to the guys behind, in her high heels, car full of guys yelling abuse. After an exchange or two, she told them to "fuck off" and watched their jaws drop. Then turned onto the busy road, and drove slowly down the middle, straddling the two lanes, so they couldn't get past.
Hahah, that is the way to do it!
They go nuts. I had a guy trying to ram me the other day. He didnt realise he was playing ram games with stone cold dawg so I never moved and he kind of backed down in a sneaky way. Mother funkers.
And shouting that at your mother. The filthy swine!!
Haha! I remember this story! Felt like it was so long ago!
Happy Birthday to the doll!
Hmm.. sounds like a scene in the Phil parking lots
there we have no rules
we just say - "mauna una"
meaning whoever's first it's his
no need to honk or get raged
perhaps she's having her period?
ahahaha but it's the EU so here you'd be reprimanded chico :D
I dont think she would be having any periods anymore. She looked all husk'y
I think thats the right way to just let what is be. Mauna una, Iam going to say that in future :O)
The doll has had an awesome day :O)
Back from vacay and just checking in...Happy Bday to the little lady!! I bet she'll love her cake.
and as for the lipstick-smeared wench...that'll teach her to drive a stupid little white sports car that no one can even see from normal car mirrors!
HA, you are absolutely right there . It was about a foot high off the ground. How do you get in and out of these things?!
Cheers lass, she is having a smashing time. Lord knows how we will get her to bed after all this sugar!
Hope you had a lovely vacay!
Thank you, I did indeed! warm days, blue skies :-)
I would kill for some warm. Ah well, not ong till summer and a week of sun. Ala Scottish summer
80 degrees and sunny. Some of us got a nice catamaran sail :-) yes, that's me in those foster grants... It's more of a sailfie vs a selfie ;0)
A Sailfie!! Awesome!! Man, look at that sky!! I havent seen that kind of blue for yonkeys!
Ahhhhhhh...... you're a rule breaker Mr Boom... and therefore should be screeched at by banshees every day of the week. Rules are there for a reason young man, sure, those reasons might be useless and make zero sense... but if you're going to be part of society you'll need to abide by them.
What if the lioness was a viking?
Obviously I'm kidding... ridiculous rules should always be ignored. It's your duty as an intelligent human being or similar.
HAha, if she was a viking there would have been a fight to end all fights. Who knows how many axe wounds might have been on display that day!
Lol, I like some minor rule breaking. :OD
Hahahaahaha, axe wounds. You really are the worst Mr B (read : best).
I read it :0D
Sounds like she was one moment away from throwing bombs on you. Some people just live angry. They see the negative in everything and look for all that is wrong with the world. Happens on the roads all the time. Saw a guy just the other day get angry about another driver going too slow in the passing lane. They were both passing me. Once the angry driver got passed me he quickly swerved, almost cutting me off, and then gunned it to pass the other driver. He the purposely cut him off and once in front of him he slammed on his breaks. Dude was trying to make a point... a very dangerous point at 120KM on the highway...
Stay sane people!!!!
I know, I have seen some oawful anger stuff on the roads myself. The worst thing I think is when they get sos angry they stop focussing on the road and then put everyone in danger.
She was an angry person. I could totally tell. Its funny, because on any other day I would have been quite different in my reaction but today I was awfull chilled and happy! :O)
I enjoyed your story and the way you write it. You write so vividly. Your stories are like a movie. It is like sitting in a cinema and watching a movie.
I am glad you still have your eyes, with such an angry lady you never know.
Congratulations with your daughter, I hope she has (had) a very nice birthday.
Thank you very much. I'm quite glad to have escaped relatively unscathed!
My daughter has had an amazing day :o)
ha..ha ... ha ... you're funny story, which is even funnier happened on the birthday of your daughter, you are so right take your child's birthday cake, it is the woman who ....! Day of happiness is OK yes I'm the prize, the prize do not forget to support me, and Greetings to you from @ riska-amanda.
Greetings to you from @meesterboom!
Thank you for visiting and reading :O)
Hahaha, lovely days! Congratulations with your daughter and i hope you had a great day after dealing with The dead sea scroll faced woman.
Thank you for making my evening more fun.
Cheers for reading dude!
Cheers mate 👍
You are Alan Shore from Boston Legal. Nothing upsets you and you always have the witty comeback. Bravo mate!
Lol, would that I was! I tell the good ones with the witty come backs. The others might get left untold ;0)
In America, you’d be lucky to not have a gun drawn. 😅
I might have been the one drawing! hahaha!
I hope the woman leave you alone after you had taken the only vacant parking spot. It would have been nasty to have constant screaming from that mad woman and how you handled the meesterboom way.
Anyways, Happy Birthday to your daughter. Upvoted!
Cheers, I never saw her after it!
Happy birthday to the little lady.
Hooo, nooo what situation dear friend @meesterboom, this is the worst situation that a man could be, be in the middle of a situation with a lady with the hair of a lion. You have to be very patient not to lose your temper, luckily it was you, that you have the handling of difficult situations.
Thank you very much for another extraordinary demonstration of situation management.
I wish you a beautiful night
Lol, I wish I handled all situations well. I can be terrible. A good night to you @jlufer!
The lion woman is a bitter woman and she wanted to embitter your day; but you behaved to the height ... as a gentleman you resisted all the abuses of a murderous lioness. Anyone can wrong and we must have the ability to make him see the wrong person who must change, but in a kind way, it is definitely achieved more in this way. Thank God you did not throw one of those harmful gases that you can produce, with that you would have left her dead in parking lot. But, do not pay attention to me, your behavior was ideal, like a gentleman.
Had we been indoors perhaps I could have thrown done of that gas! Hehe
Indoors they must be mortal. Be careful with that. jajaja
As you may know, I am not unfamiliar with road rage haha! She must've not known whose birthday it was today or else she would have relented. Man, I hate those one-way parking schemes. Sure, it has that benefit of avoiding collisions. But, very seldom do people adhere to it. It's especially troublesome when you're in a rush. I hope that you got the cake in time and the day went on without another hitch, Boomskie!
The day went splendidly and everything was almost perfect!
Woohoo!! I'm glad that nothing would give the little lady reason to cause complete and other destruction. Praise the powers that be!
don't want your insides falling out your vagina? Nope, wouldn't be good at all, would it!
This isn't quite road rage, it's more like kidnapping a parking spot, but it is very funny all the same.
Personally I've given up driving, too dangerous! :-)
Hehe, yes, more like that for me. For her however. raaaage!! :O)
How the hell she can shout on my uncle boom :/ I'm gonna kill her :/
HEhe, I am sure she regretted it :O)
for sure !
Well a Happy Birthday to the little Boomer anyways!
I felt we in the States had all the roadragers, kinda glad to see its everywhere!
Oh no, we have some massive ones here! :O)
You should come to Panama. No one has a fucking clue how to drive here.
Lol, I might fit in. People here as you may have noticed can be quite british about car parks and stuff!
Carpark rage is a real thing.
I worked in one for over four years. I have seen it up close and personal! It makes me quite blaise about it
blaise? Like Blaise Pascal?
Or, maybe, just maybe, you meant blasé.
One can never be too Blaise Pascal...
Alright then you got me, blasé!
Hahahaa...no need to toss a uterus, now!! Glad you maintaine
DAmn, I should have said that!! :O)
HAHAHA! Pwned!
I am glad you didn't succumb and give her the spot! I hope your daughter had a great birthday! People get so damn angry over a parking spot it is kind of funny!!
She did indeed. We are all a bit sugar mad now. lol! Yeah, she had no chance. It was a car park, a one way system makes it a bit silly!
I often times go the wrong way on those one ways for parking! Whoops!! :D
I know, its not a real road!
Oh you can be so glad that I was not driving that little white sports car.... your car would have been squashed and your cake would have been flattened.....
Why, from the hearty pat on the back you would have given me?
;O)
Oh my I would've lost it totally! You probably would have helped to scrape my insides up and back through my vagina....I would not have thought twice about squashing your car with a very satisfying grin on my face....LOL
Oh jings, the scraping sounds like a clatty affair!! Her little car couldn't possibly have squashed mine. You gotta notice the details first hehe :0p
Women!
I couldnt say such a thing! :O)
PC is a small computer.
Thats changed the world!! ;0)
What a lovely lady, she's got a lot of fire in her ass, my favourite type (Or not)!
Ass fire! Yeek!!
Good thing you kept your cool. :) enjoy the day with the little miss and let the Jed Man do the dirty work for you :)
Haha, it's always a pleasure when someone else does the sorry work for you
Lipstick smeared over lower jaw after munching on the poor bison.
I'd rather not say bad things to her. Agree to anything and... ruuuuuun! :d
She was a bit fierce I must say!
It's good sometimes to ignore a fight when you can, sometimes to show strength you have to avoid the fight, that's a lot of strength man....
That's my best part
Exactly. Life is for living, not fighting and rage!
Ha, meesterboom 2 woman 0 on the two previous episodes! well played, well played. I wonder though if you came out to a well keyed paint job from the evileen? I think you might be lucky you don't live in the USA where she might have been packing heat and put a few bullet holes in you or your vehicle.
Very descriptive story in any case. Bravo!!
I did check my tyres when I came out. I really half expected one or more to be flat!
Guns might have changed my reaction slightly!
never know, with the cut of you jib, you might get that. how old is your daughter? My granddaughter turned 1 on th 14th and they had a bday party for her yesterday but they live 200 miles away and we are having a pretty hardy winter so we declined on making the drive with snow storms.
Yeah that would be a bit much to bracve snow storms. She is a fresh five. All full of wonder and optimism!
I thought this story was going to end with you going all Fried Green Tomatoes, ramming her car, and yelling "TOWANDA!"
Either way, I was not disappointed haha
Hahahah, that would have been quite the ending! Sadly I cannot afford to pay the damages or Iwould have considered it :OD
The story give me memory in indonesian very difficult to parking space. Hmmm.. Thank you for sharing..
Amazing post mr.I like the imformation your
Good
I loved how you handled it, @meesterboom! Parking lots the world over are becoming battlegrounds. Everyone wants the coveted spots. What I like are the idiots who are not handicapped parking their fancy sports cars in the disabled spots. I guess that makes the mentally handicappped?
Bravo good jop
Would you like to go to a party?
.
Thank you. I also think life is too short to waste on comment spammers!
I am very sorry
That's alright, you should know that people are watching for that kind of non-voting thing and you will not do very well here by being so dishonest
Alright.... Thanks for the advice and caution
You are welcome. I just checked out your blog. I am surprised given all the stuff you wrote there that you were engaging in comment spamming - That is, writing complimentary comments on a post without voting for it. It's disappointing to see.
I hope that doesnt mean that everything you wrote was just rubbish. If so, you will get found out
Honestly I do vote on post after commenting and I stated it on my introductory post.
I guess today was not really me.
To err is human but to forgive is divine, I was happy when you forgave, what I did deserves flagging, but you were lenient enough. When I wrong people I also try my best to apologize Thanks so much really feel bad for what happened today.
Won't happen again. Thanks for at least taking time to read my introductory post.
the story of a unique friend. thank you
Schpam