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Cracks me up. Is it shiny, black like marblestone, and tall? You could pound on it with your animal bones like in the movie of long ago when you all sit about the thing.
I did have a short flash while reading your epic, of someone pushing it into the loo, and leaving it there, just to get the boss-man all up in a tither. "This isn't funny, people! Where's the worm-hole NOW?! Come'on!" Maybe that is why it's tacked down to the floor.

Haha, from the reception received your could believe that it was that very same shiny talk black monolith!

Sadly it's plastic'y and rubbish. With only the apes pounding away at its progress as a similarity ;0)