Look, Daddy, look!!
The Little Lady danced around the sides of my chair waving around two sticks with brown blobs on them.
I raised my bleary hungover head up from the silent grave that was Hive on a Sunday and looked at her.
See Daddy!! See what I have made!!!
She waggled the sticks closer to me.
I recoiled slightly.
Oh fuck, what was this. Had she made shits on a stick? Was I meant to be impressed?
What is it?
I croaked trying to swerve my head away from the circling shits-on-sticks she was spinning like a scat-loving cheerleader.
I made them!! See!!
I sighed.
I hated to be the old grumpy bastard that rained on her parade but we all make shits. It's not that hard. Hell, I make em every single fucking day.
Admittedly, I don't always then plop them on sticks and wave them around family member's faces.
Do you want one?
She pushed one of the shits-on-a-stick perilously close to my face.
My life flashed before my eyes. It had been a good life. One which was remarkably free of shit in my face. Oh, I had been shitfaced plenty of times but not literal shit.
Was my shit in face cherry truly to be pooped popped by my daughter?
Daddy, open your eyes!!!
The Little Lady cried with sheer joy in her voice.
I realised then that this was the kind of family I had. The kind that gleefully kill the old useless members of their brood.
When had I passed the mark that I had become a doddering old fool to be taunted with shit before being led out the back and clubbed to death?
I sighed.
Ok then. I was ready.
I opened my eyes.
See, they are totally yummy!
The Little Lady gushed at me, half of one shit-on-a-stick in her mouth.
I choked down the barf that had so eagerly attempted to leap free of my handsome stomach.
She thrust the other shit-on-a-stick at me commandingly.
Weakly, I held a hand out and gingerly took the offered stick.
I made them, yummy chocolate!!
By now her face was half covered in the brown muck.
I peered at the shit-on-a-stick in my hand.
Wait, did she say chocolate???
Tentatively, I tasted it with the tip of my tongue.
OH MY GOD!?! IT WAS CHOCOLATE!!!
I sank back in my chair with a relieved whoof.
Looks like I get to live another day.
I'm kind of concerned by what kind of chocolate or what was done to the chocolate if it looked that dubious xD we've had situations here in the past where we were like WTF IS THAT to a piece of chocolate that some child had dropped and unknowingly crushed. And that's assuming we get to actually see these things because dogs are disgusting vacuum cleaners.
Hehe, have you ever overcooked it in a microwave? It goes a bit weird. I suspect that is what has happened. They were like turd lollies
I was not so fortunate :(
Aw!!poo'd!!I feel your pain!! Aimee. No showers will clean that!
Better to be choc-faced than shit faced! Hope the hangover subsides, just don't confuse hair of the dog with hair of the dog shit 😁
Haha, aye. That would be a mistake I don't think I could come back from!!
I think three coffees are piercing the mist is the hangover!!
I don't think anyone could come back from that if they ever made such a grave mistake haha!
Yeah those coffees should do it, if not... well... shit!
I need the coffee to give me strength for running about like a mad fool in the park with the kids, yeek!
I hope it works and I don't collapse in a heap on some dogs doodoo.
FFS, I'm shit obsessed today. Lol!!
Hahaha! Really piling it on there 💩
I am now at the no comment stage, lol
You just cannot make this up!! You win the *hitpost of the day! :) You even did it hung over!
There is a prize in hell for that!
Upped and Reposted
!tip
I was proud I got out a post that day, lol
As you should have been. Care for a little bit of chocolate?
Hahaha, I might be having a bit of a break from it!!
Most days I wake up to shit on a stick, maybe tomorrow I’ll get lucky and it will turn into chocolate. I enjoyed the story. Thanks.
Hehe, cheers for reading mate!
I feel that way most Sundays too :0D
What a witty idea dear friend @meesterboom so far is the best way to eat chocolates that I see.
A very creative idea to lift it from the chair where it rested from the hangover of tangerine beer. It must be very hangover, the beer had 8% alcoholic graduation
A very fun post. I wish you a great week
She had a lot of fun making them. Next up it will be focusing on the look of the things I think!!
I wonder if shit would look and taste like chocolate if someone ate a lot of chocolate.
It might be an experiment that no one should ever ever attempt!!!
What if not eating shit is big farmer propaganda used to ensure future profits though? Now I'm wondering if frequent urination caused by beer drinking is just extra beer that wouldn't fit?
What if it is extra beer that just wouldn't fit. What if it is even more potent than when it went in?
Big Farmer is an evil thing. When he spreads his muck, he spreads it far!
Besides chocolate this is my favourite on a stick hahaha
Hehe, I had never seen this before. I like these puppets!!
Jeff Dunham is awesome - very talented and funny
He is indeed!!
Ajahaahah. You can even eat real shit from your child's hand. this is inevitable. chocolate is good.
Hehe, I might manage to stop myself ever going that far but the chocolate I will take :0D
I learned in my many years of imbibing that there's only one cure for a hangover (and it isn't chocolate)... a wee bit of the hair of the dog that bit ye.
Well, it is funny you shouls say that because I am sitting with a massive glass of red wine right now and feeling pretty fine!!
All hail the dog's hair!
The "dogs hair" led me on an odyssey that lasted 20 years!
Hehe, I like the term Odyssey for that journey!
LOL! ..."I choked down the barf that had so eagerly attempted to leap free of my handsome stomach...." Lovely turn of phrase, @meesterboom! Thanks for my Sunday morning coffee chuckle.
Haha, yeah, you know I don't like to disappoint in the lovely turn of phrase department!!
I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed reading your stuff; feels good to be home! My writing will come, when it's ready ... in the meantime, I'm remembering how to giggle, lol.
I'm glad it can still raise a giggle, I look forward to the writing when it comes!!
Hahahahaa this is soo funny 🤣🤣🤣
Glad you liked it! :0)
Story is really funny from begining to end...And i realize my eyes are full of tears because of laughing for a moment...it is predictable the brown blobs on the sticks ara chocolate but locution of the writing makes the story funny and also liquid...
I am glad you get the gist of it! Cheese very much!
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