The good lady wanted to knuckle down with her Doula studying today. I made a face when she told me as I disagree with witchery and that kind of talismanic jiggery-pokery but we have unofficially agreed to pretend that nothing untoward is going on for the sake of our marriage.
To allow her this time I decided I would take the little cherubs to the Transport Museum which is a funky place for an afternoon in Glasgow. The little boom had been the happiest little fellow all morning. So had the little lady. I put her in the car seat first then buckled up the little boom second.
I waved cheerio to the good lady and started the engine. (Don't worry, it didn't explode)
We set off. We had been driving for about a minute when the little boom started crying. Myself and the little lady sang to him to calm him down. He was having none of it, however. Soon his crying progressed to screaming. The kind of screaming where it seemed like he was trying to cough up his intestines and chew on them.
Waaa ah ah ah ah eahahahah. Waaaaaaaaahhhhh wwhhehahahauu!
It sounded like an insane parrot had gotten into the back seat and was fighting an iguana.
By now I was on the motorway and had no means of stopping to calm him, we have a funky mirror so I could see he was relatively ok. Ok, as in he hadn't managed to tear off one of his own arms and use it to lever himself out of his car seat prison, that is.
Just ten minutes of this screaming hell to go then we can get out and I can see what is wrong with the little feller, I thought desperately.
The little lady must have sensed that my stress levels were still within manageable limits, Suddenly she started wailing too.
Eeeaaaaaaaaaaawwwwaaaaaaw, eeeaaaawwaaaaaawaaawaawwww.
What's wrong with you?!
I cried, just to add another loud voice to the mix.
I want out, I can't stand it anymore. Let me out. OUT OUT! EWEweueueuueuuauauauuauhh!
For a moment I had to check that the voice I had heard wasn't my internal monologue and was actually the little lady. Yep, it was her, not me.
I tried reasoning with her.
Darling, it's not long and then we will be there, can you calm down please? You are making the little boom worse?!
I AM NOT MAKING HIM WORSE. WAHAHAHHAHAAH HEEHAHHAHAHAHHEHHAW UEUUEUEUE UU UAUA
It's ok, I told myself. The whole day can't be like this.
We eventually got to the museum. The little lady professed that it was boring and moaned the entire way around. Little boom screamed and waahed no matter how many times his nappy was changed or he was fed.
Normally when I exit the house with the little boom in the hippy wrap and holding the little lady's hand the ladies swoon at such a modern man. No doubt fizzing up inside at the idea of such dad-hood. Today, however, all I got were pitying looks at best.
Eventually, I gave up and returned home. If I thought the outward journey was bad this one was worst, traffic was treacherous and the journey took twice as long as it should have.
I opened the front door of the house, frayed and broken.
The good lady had some music on and was sitting with a cup of tea and some chocolate watching a movie. Hmm, it didn't look very witchy?
She looked up as I came in with the now strangely quiet children.
Hey Daddy bear! I got lots done. How was your afternoon? Did you all enjoy yourself?
I forced a smile of midnight potato burying and full moons.
Oh yes, sweetheart. It was amazing.
Thank you for posting @meesterboom.
So sorry to read of your harrowing day........nothing like children to bring us to reality. They say 'troubles be soon forgot' lets hope you do not forget......at least anytime soon. ^__^
Wishing you and yours all the best. Cheers.
I have forgotten already or at least I have deliberately forced it from my mind. Every day is a new day as they say! :0D
Cheers for good night
And cheers to you mate!
Uh oh! This witchery looks to be getting pretty serious! You didn't eat the stew when you got home, did you?
I learned a valuable lesson in my early teens... Never eat the stew
The good lady's idea of "witchcraft" (the tea-sipping/chocolate dipping/movie-watching...followed by 'oh, I got so much done!') seems to mimic my own sense of witchcraft ;-)
On the crying front...once years ago driving down the highway, with my 3 kids lined up in their carseats in the back seat, the one-year-old started in with the hysterics. I raised my voice and said..."It's just 20 more minutes! just 20 minutes!" But then I glanced in the mirror and then it was I who let out a huge S C R E A M!!! He had rubbed his eyes so hard while crying that he popped his eyelids inside out - he looked like an alien so I started screaming more! We were all screaming! Parenting...SO FUN!
I almost started screaming when I read that. That would have been nightmarish!! HAhahaha, oh so much fun to be had in this parenting lark!
Yes, it seems like a very special kind of witchery ;O)
aw! papa hood sounds hard on some days
but I take my hat off you
am not sure many men would change nappy in public I mean not at home
specially in the patriarch countries!
you're such a great dad and hubby !
lucky Mama Boom for you being supportive
now cheer up!
or is it already cheerio time?
Hola mi chica linda!!
It can be really hard at times I cannot lie. I am run ragged. But Ido love it, even the hard times. lol
You amazeballs chica pie!
sorry I fell asleep on the couch
so now damn awake while you probably snore
sorry for the late reply !!!!
OH! This brought back flashbacks, Boom. Big time! Outwardly if asked in polite company if I miss those days, one is expected to answer in the affirmative. However inwardly, I smile at the knowledge that at least THAT part of fathering is over!!!
Yeah, its sure not going to be one I come back to and think, aww. that was magic!
Well what do you know, after bumping into you on the nutters page earlier, I thought I would check out your posts. Well that was worth the effort, some good humour going on here. Added to following with pleasure.
Hahaha, the nutter. Oh dear. I knew when I saw your name it was familiar. HE isnt doing himself any favours is he, that chap?
I understand his frustration, everyone suffers the same when we land here in the unknown. He is the first extreme case I have seen on here, of delusional though :-)
Oh, absolutely. I remember well the frustration of getting no views, comments or earnings on any posts. The points thing and blackmail madness, it is all a bit whacky!
haha, I am still at that point in time, all good though, you get nothing back with no effort put in.
hehe love this: "we have unofficially agreed to pretend that nothing untoward is going on for the sake of our marriage" xD I am sure so many married people can relate to this! haha
Poor babies, they just wanted to make you aware that they are indeed in charge of the happiness scale and Daddy has no say in it whatsoever lol
I think it is a common occurrence throughout the land! Just pretend everything is normal :0)
I just wandered how the litle boom look like. Does he look like you?lol
I guess it wasn’t anyone’s day.
Most people say he looks very much like me apart from his flaming red hair!
It was fine as soon as I was back and before I left, lol!
Upon entering the house, you didn't happen to see a strangely familiar looking voodoo doll lying on the floor, did you? It's a well kept secret that's one of the first steps of Doula training, transferring any pain from childbirth, or depression after childbirth onto the bastard who caused it.
Well that, would not surprise me in the slightest! Not one bit! I shall be keeping an eye out for said doll!
😂. Always filled with humour
I struggled to find it today!
Ahhhhhhhh yikes!
I don't know how you do it The Boom! I think you're supposed to have one kid when you're 16 years old... so by the time you actually want to have kids you've got a proper babysitter already created. I don't envy you... looks like it might be time for the super hot Au Pair to step in and lend a hand.
HAhah, ironically the good lady has been talking about getting a cleaner or nanny or something. I am like What??! Madness!!
I definitely think parenting is a younger mans game!
Great story but I feel for you. My wife and I watched the granddaughter for a couple days a few weeks back and it is amazing how much work little humans are. Either our own kids were much easier or my memory is foggy enough not to recall these episodes.
HEhe, I suspect its memory. I already had convinced myself that it was easy with my daughter. It was only after my son was born that I started remembering all the awful bits of parenting! HA!
This really makes me want to have kids.
Haaaaahaaahahahaaaaaa!! Yes, I bet :0)
Too funny.
As a grandparent, I feel your pain.
Not only because I once was a mom and remember those days, but now as grandmas. She's the one that gets to give them back to their parents when the crying starts to happen.
I was talking with my son the other day and heard a very similar story only it involved a grocery store and you probably know how that goes.
Please keep these stories coming as you delight us with your writing of life's experiences.
I will certainly do my best, apologies for the late reply, I had a lot of comments that day and this one fell between the cracks.
It must be quite the relief to be able to hand them back lol
Have a good nite rest mate.. Its a nite mare hanging out with those little ones sometimes .. Well fatherhood aint easy.. Cheers mate
It aint easy but ultimately its worth it... I suppose, hehe. Have a good one yourself mate
A couple of years from now, when the little lady asks ... "Daddy, what is a white lie?" Simply point her to this post.
It's a perfect example.
Hahahah, I shall do exactly that!
I don't know what kind of day this was but I feel I had to struggle my way through the day. Thanx yet again for making me laugh just before I went of to carebear land
Heheh, always a pleasure. Maybe there was something in the wind today!
sounds pretty traumatic to experience, but as a reader certainly an entertaining read :D i'm guessing the Transport Museum is to blame!
It's usually such a hit too, the little lady loves it there. It was her idea as a destination! lol
I guess the little boom is your son, father hood is not a days job,especially if the mum decided to let you experience what she goes through every day.lol.
Haha, that's the little boom alright. A smashing boy but like all babies prone to madness!
Where are they!! Where are potatoes, I'm coming to you my darlings!!
Buried, buried they are!!
Nioooooooooo (very loud shriek).
That is the attitude that an experienced man should take, no reproach of bad days, always the paseo was great.
What a dear friend @meesterboom, but luckily I control it very well.
excellent work dear friend
I wish you a great week
I like your attitude @jlufer, donk them in the eye, that's what I say!
Too bad they don't install volume knobs on children when they are born. I remember one such occasion, on the freeway with four of the little monsters and finally, I could take no more and pulled over and turned the car off. And we sat. No moving. I don't know if it was the shock of not moving or Mom not speaking, but the car became eerily silent. After about 10 minutes, I restarted the car and we continued on our merry way. To the strains of sounds of silence!
You know that is a great idea. I think I will be trying it. Car hornets now that we have two are becoming quite the fraught affairs.
A screaming baby in the backseat and nothing you can do--I think they've devised methods of torture based on this, lolz!
Now that would not surprise me!! :0)
All my admiration and respect for you @meesterboom, then you want a wife. Sacrifice so that your good lady has peace of mind. That's love ... Now, what about the little boom and the little lady? Could it be that they felt it was a forced and improvised trip? You should plan better the next trip, but please be with your good lady ... Greetings.
Perhaps you have the right of it. It was a bit of a forced thing. Top notch deductivity!!
I'd say there was some witchcraft involved...
... perhaps a little precognition of upcoming storms and maybe some wifely psychic persuasion?
Ah, precog'ery!! Now there was definitely some of that I am sure!
You are looking sexy ;)
It always good to see you always fulfilling the all desires of little angel :)
You are really a great man mate.
Haha, haaaaahaaahahahaaaaaa, oh you are making me laugh ;0)
let me tell you a story from my childhood.
When I was a kid, I used to eat potatoes a lot, That is why my Mother cook potatoes 3 times in a week, we are in Pakistan called "potatoes " as " Aaluuu". One day my sis shouted " Aaluu aaluu phir aaluu " , Better i write it in English " Potatoes Potatoes again potatoes " . She was just fed of eating potatoes :p
The tmes a week would drive anyone demented!! ;0)
Hahaha yeah
I am shocked. Nay, I am beyond shocked. I would've thought that a wailing baby, a disgruntled tot and a father trying to keep everything at bay would crank up the pheromonal levels to 11, and made every mother and would-be mother there swoon to the point of almost fainting. I guess there is a ceiling to everything. I'm sure the red tenters would roll their eyes and dismiss that the same thing wouldn't happen on their watch. But, then again, I think we've established that trying to quantify female behavior is a lost cause.
Sometimes when a cause seems most lost is when it should be found. Wait, that makes no sense. Yes, I agree. The lack of lady winks was most depressing :0p
OR, it makes the most sense, and, in fact, answers almost every question in the world. Almost.
Doula woman's spell, must have been. Maybe your Thursday version should intervene.
I try to keep that one firmly in the box the test of the week ;0)
It sounded like an insane parrot had gotten into the back seat and was fighting an iguana!!!!
;0) I liked that one too
lulz. I love reading your posts everyday. Your view on the world is way too funny. My daily dose of hilarity
My favourite line from this post is
Heheh, cheers lass. I was rather fond of that one myself :OD
)) yes with young children it's difficult to go somewhere, you need to have a lot of patience))
Indeed, you need bucketloads of it!
haha)) you are really well done, I almost lose my self-possession in such situations)
So do I! :O)
Oh man how I feel your pain, although I must admit I enjoyed reading about your parenting struggles :P
I enjoy writing them down, it takes the sting out!
aha! she jinxed you for your coquettish behaviour around the horse-womble.
You are right, perhaps she knows and my chickens are coming home to roost!
Some say that an Hermes Birkin bag is excellent at reversing the effects of curses. :p
Wow... The photo of with horse is really nice photography.
It's a fake horse. Like you are a fake with your no voting but commenting nonsense
Lol....what a day.
Reminds of when i worked as a teacher, children are something else. Naturally foolish and prone to causing lots of trouble. It takes a lot of patience and will power to handle them.
It does indeed. Normally its all fine but when they act together it can be mayhem!
It looks like you had just returned from fighting in a war. What a trip to the museum! Upvoted!
Than you, but quite war bad lol :0)
seduction that works .. a good story hope you two are always happy
I am not entirely sure there was any seduction!
Thnx for posting this post @meesterboom
U always filled with humors
Great story...
The title is very beautiful
OH! This brought back flashbacks, Boom. Big time! Outwardly if asked in polite company if I miss those days, one is expected to answer in the affirmative. However inwardly, I smile at the knowledge that at least THAT part of fathering is over!!!
Ah. I remember those days. I miss them, but at the same time, never again!
Yeah, I can completely believe that. I am thinking never again right now , lol!
very nice post. @meesterboom
Aye, covered in rose petals is it? Smell like lillies does it?
I am glad it raised a smile!