Hankie Pankie

in #life6 years ago

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During the week, in order for me to get some sleep for work, I tend to sleep in the attic room and only pitch in with the baby wakenings if it's particularly bad.

Which is magic from my point of view. Until the weekend of course, when I come back to the hell that is the family bed. (Hell, because of baby wakenings, not because of ravenous vagina'ing)

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The good lady is always taking the piss out of me by referring to the attic as the teenage boy's bedroom now because all my guitars are up there with me and it is a bit messy.

Just like a typical mother of a teenage boy she insists on cleaning it every once in a while.

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Daddy? You really have to get a grip up there, the place is a mess!

Eh? No it's not, it's just a different tidy from what you prefer.

The good lady set her mouth in a grim line and cocked a hand on her hip.

No. It was a proper state. You are a man in your forties, I shouldn't have to be tidying up after you.

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I leaned over onto one bumcheek to help a fart out before continuing my defense.

Listen lass, we just have different standards, that's all. Come on, there are bigger things in life to worry about, surely?

The good lady made a squoinking face as my fart trumpeted out to accompany my honeyed words.

She shook her head.

And another thing, when you have a cold can you actually make sure your snotty hankies land in the bin and not around it?

Now it was my turn to pull a face. I attempted to look as though an owl had swooped down and flown off with my penis.

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What do you mean, a cold?

The good lady gritted her teeth as if taking to a dullard.

I had to pick up a pile of snotty hankies lying around the bin. I mean for fuck sake, make an effort!

I looked at the good lady. She seemed to be properly narked. Probably not the best time to cross her but hey. When in Rome...

Darling, I don't have a cold.

Yes you do, I picked up a pile of snotty hankies all around the bin. Disgusting.

My mouth twitched up in a cheeky smile.

Lass, I really don't have a cold.

I giggled.

But if you didn't have a cold why were there so many...

Her face twisted into a grimace.

Oh no. No. Tell me it wasn't that? Please say it wasn't?

She was looking in horror at her hand which had done the picking up.

I nodded in blunt satisfaction.

Yep baby, a man has to let the horse out of the kitchen occasionally. Or it all blows up... To hell.

Eeewwwwww!!

The good lady ran off.

I chuckled. I did have a bit of a cold but it was less fun to tell her that.

Sort:  

This is a legacy @meesterboom, I mean your writing skill.

Yep baby, a man has to let the horse out of the kitchen occasionally. Or it all blows up... To hell.

Yea I love that 👆

Lol, cheers!

What are you like haha that was cruel you mean man haha

I love being cruel, if I can pass it off as being funny :0D

You do the Cruel bit so well lol

Nothing like a bit of horse snot to get the good missus to quit messing about in the attic manroom. "Yes, I know what a vacuum is, now how does this damn thing turn on again?" Some things be universal, on all sides of the big wide blue.

Haha, yeah, the universal thing is damned true! I wonder if she will stop, lol

Yes, and pigs shall grow gossamer wings...

Now she can think of all the fun she has missed out on lol.

I am surely convinced that is what is going on through her mind!!

So it was a premeditated hint?

Might have been ;0)


I am without words hahaha

:0D

LOL @meesterboom what do you mean "to let the horse out of the kitchen occasionally"? >o<

Hehe, the darkest of deeds!!

Ah, the "one-cheek sneak"! Clearly there's a lack of communication... the hankies were "around" the bin so obviously you DID make an effort. If not they would be randomly dispersed around the room- simple logic!

You have a point I have a fair old effort being put into the throw!

Wisdom comes with age!

Wish it was the only thing, lol!

Just wait until you hit your 70's!

Lol, yeah, that might be a blow!

Amen! I could use one about now!

Ewww! How cruel and gross! But well worth her reaction! 🤣🤣🤣

It was worth it. She was horrified, lol!!

My wife and I like watching your beer review vids together. I'm so thankful that this post isn't accompanied by a YouTube link.

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Haha, yes, that might be a tad too far!!

Am sure there'll be no more picking anything of yours around the house for sure...the Good Lady is officially retired

She might have quit that's for sure!!

Mental Note... Let the hubster pick his own snot rags up...

Yeah, if they're crispy they ain't snot rags!! :0D

BB Vomits into the nearest bin...

Bahahaaaha!!

Now the hands of the good lady are contaminated with the "liquid". I think she looked at her hands as though there were blood in it. The terror of it all!!!!! Upvoted!

Such terror she will relive over and over! Lol!!

This is bloody hilarious again. The problem is it is no fun as they are too easy to wind up.

They are spectacularly easy to wind up. I love it!

The horse out of the kitchen.... ? What else, goats in the bathroom?

Oh, don't get me started about the goats!

Hahaha, I knew from the start there would something with a reference to things like: strangling the snake, making the monkey puke, milking the bull or something like that. Letting the horse out..., added to the list. 😁

Cheers mate, have a great sunday evening!

And get well soon.

Hehe! Yeah, as soon as I mentioned separate room for part of the week the game was a bogey!!

😂😂😂

When in Rome...

Umm... Where exactly were you that torturing her was part of the culture?

A man never speaks of such things

Haha that's one way to get her out of your hair!

It is indeed!! :0)

The good lady is always taking the piss out of me by referring to the attic as the teenage boy's bedroom now because there were tons of empty lotion bottles everywhere.

Fixed it for ya, BRO-diggity ;) Ahihi! A man has to moisturize, after all! We don't have time for no dry skin. No, sir. No, sir!

'Tis must be the season for these types of discussions, because I just had the same exact one a few days ago! Either that, or it' flu season.

Also, DON'T USE THE P WORD! What, you want to get flagged? Now, is that what you want? Even Skeletor knows not to use... that second word.

Haha, you did fix it. Your fixed it real good!!

I shall remember each time I open my mouth not to use the verboten wordings!!

They don't call me a Fixer for nothing!

Yeh. You really should definitely be cleaning those up. Because eww.

Now please excuse me while I try to regain my breath, it's ridiculously hard to breathe when laughing so much.

Oh God, I don't want to touch them, yeek!!!

@ meesterboom, You really are a genius, you know that you know how to have fun and have a good time and all thanks to a cooing.
Thank you very much for the fun
I wish you a wonderful week

Cheers mate. A great week to you too!!

sir meesterboom! you are brutal to live with! lol. toying with her like that, you should be ashamed of yourself! Plus now she'll stop cleaning up after you..well, was this in the attic? If it was then mission accomplished! lol.

The attic aka the man cave! lol

I think that lady cares for you alot 😉☺

Haha, she does!! :0)

Loool the Good lady got a lot more than she bargained for. There goes her 'helping you out' career

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