Today it was my turn to take the little lady to Nursery. I don't often do this because I am normally at work or some such tosh. We had packed up all the gear. A surprising amount. Although I really shouldn't be surprised anymore at how much stuff you have to lug everywhere when you are a parent. It looked like we were setting out on an expedition.
We walked up the small hill on the way there, the little lady singing and skipping in the early morning Sun. It was a lovely morning, a sure sign that Spring was coming and I felt a stir in my cockles at the thought of Summer being just around the corner.
As we walked along, a Mummy of another child that the little lady knew at Nursery fell into step beside us. I knew her face vaguely. It was quite long and snouty, a bit like a womble.
Ooohh Madame! IS this your Daddy!! Oh my, we haven't seen him before, have we?
She sounded a bit like a horse would if it spoke.
Perhaps I was being a little sensitive as it was so damn early but was she dissing me for not doing the nursery run? I curled my top lip up in a slightly sneering hello. I fancied I looked like a more handsome Elvis when he did that thing with his top lip.
Yes, that's me. I am normally working so don't get to do this too often but hey, we're having fun little Miss aren't we?
Yes daddy, yes!
Squealed the little lady in the affirmative.
I narrowed my eyes at Mrs Horse-Womble. There, that should show her that this Daddy is actually, in fact, Daddy Cool.
Oh, of course. I knew you worked. I bet you work hard. Why if I still had a husband, I would be delighted if he worked as hard as you!
She beamed at me as if she fancied eating chips out ma knickers. A quaint Glasgow phrase implying unrequited love.
Ahem, yes. Splendid.
I urrfed as I l cleared my throat. I tried to hurry the Little Lady up but she was by now playing chases with the other girl, who fortunately had skipped the horse-womble gene by the looks of it.
I tried to make polite conversation around such safe subjects as the weather or the reliability of the trains. Regardless of what I said, on any subject. Mrs, or should I say Miss Horse-Womble managed to reply in such a way as to bring the subject round to her not having a man.
It was all quite bloody awkward and I was relieved by the time we got to Nursery. I helped get the little lady ready. Then it was goodbye kisses and hugs. I turned to leave.
Miss Horse-Womble was leaving at exactly the same moment too. I held the door open for her, the way I would for anyone. Even my Father in law or a Welshman.
Oh goodness, how gallawnt!
She cried.
She said gallant in the same way posh people say Garage. People in Glasgow say Garage like GAH-RIDGE. Which makes us sound like guttural ape-men.
No problem milady.
Said I for some inexplicable reason.
She shook her mane and flared her nostrils baring all her teeth at me.
I was just going to grab a coffee round the corner if you werent rushing off?
She said, quite casually.
Two things popped into my head in unison.
The first was a vision of me cinching her saddle tight before leaping across her back and galloping around the paddock letting out a joyous whoop.
The other was an image of the good lady holding those big iron forcep things that they use to castrate bulls, veins popping out on her neck as she squeezed them shut on my precious happy sacks with a cackle.
I snapped back to the present.
Oh sorry, I have to run some errands this morning.
I lied with a smile and a regretful roll of the eyes.
Then I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me.
I love the part where you say, "Then I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me." Lol. A disguise for yourself might still be in order.
Hehe, can you imagine with a big fake beard and hat!
"It was quite long and snouty, a bit like a womble", this description is simply fantastic! ^_^
You have to know that when my daughter was a little one and I worked in the office, usually I took her to the nursery before to go to work (my ffice was close to the nursery) and my mother (housewife) get her back at home in the afternoon. Sometimes, when I was free to work, I I get her back from nursery and a mother said me "Are you the mom? I've always thought thet your mom was the mom of the little one because I've always see her at this hour!". My reply was " You have to say that I have a job, I don't spend all my time to clean my house watching telenovelas!" . I was 23 years old. Sometimes I was not able to have patience :P
I can totally understand the lack of patience. I am the same and was when she acted like I never dropped her off. it felt like a criticism!! Hehe although it looked more like an icebreaker at the end.
It was very long and snouty! :OD
Just in case the physical description of her horsey-ness didn't sink in..."she shook her mane and flared her nostrils"!!...hahaha, yes indeed-y, quite the equine!
And what of her talk-y chitchat...sort of blaming you (or all men?) for her not having one?
As you ran off in the end, I imagined seeing a wee gallop in your gate! lol
She did seem quite blame'y, as if she should have one and we were at fault because she didnt. She also seemd quite almost territorial. It was weird. I think she had little sense of perspective. Or was just really full of herself. Actually, yeah, just full of herself!
And such a horseyness!! lol! I did gallop off!
It felt like I just watched an episode of animal sex on the Discovery Channel lol.
"And here's the horse-womble, in her natural habitat, circling around the alpha male. Her teeth-flaring and nostril blaring indicating that she is ready to mate.... "
LOL!
Hahaha, yeah, now that you mention it!!
I call that "Social evasive behavior towards mothers who have it on their hips" Danger avoided, well done! Run Forest, Run!!!
Hahaha, I will never stop!!!
Whew! Dodged a bullet there.
I appreciate your optimism that summer is right around the corner. Sure doesn't feel like it but I'll take your word for it.
It doesnt feel like it in the slightest but yeah, I am eternally optimistic! :O)
Feck Mrs. Ed and her horsey ways! LOL
HAhahah, now next time I see her I will hear that voice!!
Thank god, because that sounded like a trap if ever I heard one. I mean - what could possibly go wrong?
Some mares need to be put out to pasture.
Thats an everything wrong scenario! lol
They do, they really do. Its weird but in my forties I have noticed a lot more of the flirty flirty than in any other decade of my life and I swear its not my deranged imaginings!
Flirty flirty forties for a married man is a temptation trap straight from the devil himself. Either that or those pheromones are on overdrive again.
What an interesting lady and her long nose. I'm sad, I hope she will find her love some day. And they will be scratching each other noses.
But what if she had found him and he slipped slipped away...
It is a relief that you did not accompany her to drink coffee. I think that she is in love with you. Upvoted!
Lol, live might be taking it a bit far :0)
"Mrs. Horse-Womble" ... and "precious happy sacks" .... lmao!
So precious! ;0)
"Then I ran away as fast as my legs could carry me."
Good move!
I am dashed good at it! I think it might even be a superpower! :O)
Well, you score points for seeing right through her "plans"! An enjoyable read, thank you @meesterboom
Lol, the good lady thinks its al in my head. She might have a slight point hehe!
A possible entrant for the whiches series? I am quite sure with an Uncle Boom type approach she could definitely be just wanting to attract you for her coven.
Get some garlic, wear a XXXXL. Cross, carry a bible, you have been spotted and selected for their next meeting
Hahaha, yeah that would work! It might get me ostracised from everywhere else right enough!!
I think the witches series will have to stay doula centred!
That is a shame.
Oh, my Gawd! I thought that only happens to widows! Love the pickup lines...outa practice was she? You now have a target on your back, Run for the hills!
Ha, I told the good lady I was done with the Nursery run! She thought I was kidding!
Hahaha. "Miss Horse-Womble" is really looking for a partner even if it's just for a day. My little girl is always galloping to school along with her Daddy. I am so free. hahaha.
You are free, I am usually the one that is free. I was quite envious of the good lady today!
It happens sometimes. I do have my share of picking up but I am so so free even from that.
I really enjoy it as well. I will just have to time me journey better I think!
A great story as always. I love the way you add such subtle humor in telling the story. I guess the horse lady might be a problem for some time now. Good luck with that :)
@tincanjucntion
Lol, I shall utilise my most favourite of tactic in dealing with things. I shall avoid the nursery run! :O)
It's impossible to play "you laugh - you lose" with you. I lose every freaking time!! Damn, next time you won't get me so easily! :(
Hehe, I am sure you will win! I have an animation incoming and they tend not to rase so many laughs. Well, I dont think they do!
Crikey! While the good lady surely would have a fit at the thought of any such indecent proposals, would she not change her mind if 1.) you managed to secure a new vehicle for the household, horses have a thousand uses, and 2.) that vehicle can also babysit in a pinch?
All for the cost of a couple of happy sacks slaps...?
I'm kidding of course, no family should be broken up by a womble.
You might have something there though. Perhaps if I could convince another horsey type to joi in then we could have two horses to pull the trap along or deal with Daddys night demon!!
:OD
Marvelous story! I learned words today. Cockles and Wombles. Excellent. Also, that Daddy Cool video … oh my god. Wow.
Great words! That day cool video is something else hehe
Gigiddy!
Once ladies catch a whiff of that Boom scent, the panties would inevitably start dropping. I'm not surprised horsey lady wants to get up in your business.
"Well," the little lady replies. "You haven't but I surely have since, y'know he's my father, you insufferable womble!"
She was a right one for the "we". Perhaps she thought she was the queen!
I have heard women tend to lose track of who they are when they get flustered. I guess that works 100x when their pheromones go into hyper mode when you're in the vicinity.
eating chips out ma knickers explains a LOT....an apt background to your tales!!!
It's a great expression eh!! :0)
The horse imagery was great, haha. But now I really want to see a picture, ah well. btw, I'm with you that I cannot wait for summer to come back around, I am not a winter person!
Yeah, me neither. Winter is for shit people :0D
Hehe, a photo, I wonder how I would get away with that!
Hahahaha If you're bad, you had to invite Miss Horse-Womble to dinner in the candlelight, and then get hold of the hand jumping through the streets like 2 teenagers in love. ;)
I couldn't! My heart has been stolen by another!! ;0)
O woman .... you just have to beat them off with a stick hahaha
HEhehe, well ... sometimes :OD
I know this was not the point of the story, but I can't move past GAH-RIDGE. Hahaha.
Haha, you will totally get that one!
I often forget the Scottish language subtleties so it's good I have you to remind me.
I’m quite the fan of all things equine... and your description of this lady just cracked me up!!
A fellow #dolphinschool peer, @sarahewaring, posted about how funny your blogs were and I decided to come take a peek... glad I did: I needed a laugh! Cheers!
@jeejee
She was a fine lady, for a paddock!
Thank you very much for visiting! I shall have to thank Missy Sarah!
Haha!!
Mental note to self: only read Boom posts when able to laugh unrestrainedly as doing otherwise leads to much rib pain.
I'm sure the good lady wouldn't mind you having a social coffee and possibly getting to know some of her friends from nursery better. Though given how much horse lady was strongly hinting about her lack of man, perhaps fleeing for the hills was the wiser course of action XD
I particularly loved the "chips/horror" divider XP
The chips horror divider was smashing hehe!
Yes, running is always best ;0)
DO NOT IGNORE THIS COMMENT !! EYE
Hello nice to meet you! I wanted to ask for your support to donate: Diapers, MILK, medicines to families, especially newborn children, who do not have the money to buy your contribution, just vote or with a retest, it's enough thanks.
here the link more plicado
https://steemit.com/help/@jesusj1/collecting-funds-for-pregnant-women-and-their-children-read-to-know-why-your-support-is-valuable-please-help
We all have that Daddy dance...I had mine the other day when my kids first went potty in the toilet, which I thought was awesome and gave them a sticker, just to have them piss and crap all over the place later in the day. Maybe I should not have danced for joy, before the day was over.
You have to judge that time for when it is safe to dance for joy :O)
True, we thought it clicked, but nope...turds all over the house this morning while i am at work. Ugh
Ouch!!
I'm yet to be a daddy but I'm really preparing for it.. Guess we all have that moment that we tell that lie.... I enjoyed your post... Keep posting great stuffs... Regards
When you become a Daddy, teach your children about voting and how important it is. Oh and also to be genuine.
Hahahaha, it took me a couple of seconds to get that... I thought you were suddenly talking politics.
Lol! Definitely not!
Thanks a lot for the advice... I'll do that.. Regards
Splendid! :O)
Day at the daycare for Dad. Isn't it dandy?! The memories will be small treasures later. Joy
Oh they will!
excellent reading as always dear friend @meesterboom
I really like the way you attach situations, I will definitely have to make notes to this behavior.
many grace spor share another cat experience
I wish you a great week dear friend
I hope that you have a great weekend too @jlufer and thank you!
interesting post as always uncleboom :p These ladies always got you :p
Once, in a kind of alike situation, a very well curved young woman told me she wondered how I would look like wearing a moustache. Smiling a big grin and blinking her eye at me. "Eurm, guess I'll have to grow one fast, then.", I nervously replied, while looking for a safe exit to head for fast.
"Who talked about growing one, ha ha ha...", she replied laughing.
The next moment I found a loophole to get passed her quickly. Even felt a bit guilty afterwards that I got the imagery that I think she suggested. Triggering a tripple X adult movie in my brain to play vividly for a while.
It collides with how I was taught that men are pigs and I was born being one. And woman are angels. Yet I've seen so many fallen ones that I doubt if what I have been taught is even remotely true.
Anyway, you handled the situation very well mister Boom.
So that's why some call it a "school run".
Oh, now I want to see you in the white pants, with no shirt, doing those moves.
Or are you more of a white Daddy Cool?
Wao so nice
Nice post
Nice thumbnail. Really loved the post!
Thanks very much!