Crypto Trading Fundamentals: Part 1

There has been quite the influx of new users and old returners to the platform recently and I thought this a fine time to go over some Crypto Trading fundamentals to anyone old or new who fancied dipping their toes into the often murky waters of Crypto Trading.

As always the main thing is to be your own person and only gamble, ahem trade with what you can afford to lose. This guide, although almost guaranteed to make you rich should not be followed blindly and the user should be aware of the risks of listening to anybody with a username that has the word boom in it.

So you have an account on Bittrex or Poloniex. You have so far been careful, selling for BTC and funneling away the proceeds into your back bin

This is admirable and if you have any aversion to risk you should scuttle clear of the awesome knowledge imparted below, lest it clouds your judgement and causes you to go all in and end up poking the bear

You use these exchanges but all the while you read accounts by what at first seem like ordinary people making a killing by trading. How can you leverage this information and become like one of these ordinary yet extraordinary superhero's?

Well wonder no more. From under my metaphorical skirts I shall impart the secret wisdoms, tips and tricks of these gods amongst men.

So here goes. I hope you are wearing some stout running wear.

1. Dress like a Trader.

A seemingly innocous one. But to be a successful crypto trader you have to be a successful crypto trader. The very first step you can take is to start with what you are wearing. A hat is a vital part of this. Find a hat and wear it. Not just any old hat either, a hat with a broad brim is essential. Don't just stick it on your head either. It is imperative that you wear this hat at a rakish angle. For the uninitiated that means tilting it forward over your eyes and slightly to the side.

2. Focus.

This is crucial. Do you have a partner? Kids? Lose them. They detract from your focus. From now on you must be a hat wearing loner. Free your mind of distractions such as what will we have for dinner tonight or I think Leopold needs a new pair of shoes.

Enough! Leopold will have to fend for himself on the tough streets of knowledge

3. Define your trading space.

So, you are wearing your hat. You have thrown out the family. Now you need a trading space. Clear a room. Drag your rig into the centre whether that be a laptop or a gargantuan desktop PC and draw the curtains. Leave yourself a chair and a desk or some kind of leaning apparatus.

4. The Cleansing Fire

You have made your space. Now you must ready yourself for the trading floor. Using the pareto principle (look it up) you must now know that 80% of your clothing is useless to you now. Take it somewhere and burn it. Observe the flames sardonically from under the brim of your hat. Breathe the smoke deep.

See your old self in the flames

5. Ready your Trading Space

Kit out your station with a couple of essentials. I would recommend something lucky. A rabbits foot perhaps or a dice with all of the faces scratched out except for the number 6.

Oh yes, and a big box of tissues. These will be your crutch in good times or bad. When you lose big on a trade you might find that in a bizarre moment of weakness you shed a tear at having lost the house in which you live. Mop up these unmanly tears with your tissues. Of course it could go the other way. You could Go Big on a trade and it moons, in that case you will need the tissues to mop up other excitedly issued fluids.

6. Caffeine is the new food

That's right. Easy peasy. Don't eat. At least not intentionally, if you feel the need to eat, then have two coffees. Everytime. Go easy on the cream though.

7. Be good to those on the way up

We have all heard that saying. It goes double in Crypto. Recently I passed a homeless man ravaged with hunger mewling pitifully for some spare coin. With my great heart I found it no problem to lean in close and whisper 'New Economy Movement.' It cost nothing and I am sure it won me another lifelong admirer.

8. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Call one of your enemies, you don't have any? Make some. Then call one up and calmly explain you are going long on Monero. When they ask what the hell you are talking about tell them the first tip is free and hang up.

This generates mystique and can only enhance your reputation as a Master Trader

9. Charts are your friend.

Charts are useful to a trader. Do not however plan out any of your trades based on charts. All of your trades should be based on your gut. If you don't feel it, dont trade it. Regardless of what the experts say.

Instead, print off as many charts as you can and scrawl incomprehensible lines on them and strange words. Any of the following will do - Bearish! / Support line tested / Going full polka / Done my pie in / Long Spoon. Pin these on the walls surrounding your trading station. Scatter some on the floor too.

And now. Now. You are ready. Tune in for part two, where we commence our first trade.