Ok. First: I was wrong. It IS possible to fall in love online and I just did it. YAY! More nay … What @mayb the problem? Yes, dear reader, please don't take it personally. It is a @mayb-problem, my problem. But I bet there are some souls out there sharing it.
When you catch a rash, a flue or a depression catches you, you can choose from a variety of remedies. From whatever your grandma told you over a shitload of pharma products to magic, praying, intention or whatever you prefer. But where do you go when your brain is producing this insane mix of dopamine, adrenalin, cortisol, and oxytocin while at the same time lacking serotonin? Who can help me out with that? Noone? That's what I thought …
Most people would agree that it is a wonderful feeling. And millions of movies, books, and cheesy dripping ballades can't be wrong. Love, more so falling into it, is a selling point. Everybody wants to experience it and there are huge markets profiting from this human need. Online dating portals, matchmaker, … even totally unrelated products are being advertised with it. Love, Love, Love! If you can't have it, have this phone instead!
"Money can't buy me love!"
No, but an iPhone. And this iPhone will impress everybody and makes them wanna' rub their crotch on its screen.
Don't believe it?
Buy it!
Try it!
Love and Love and Love and Love – Like, … A Million Different Things
Still, the mass of people understanding this concept would disagree. How can you not love love? Oh, I do. I am one of its biggest advertisers. It's just that I love unconditional universal love. I would love love to live in a world that's all about that. Where nobody flags anyone, war doesn't exist and people have mutual respect for each other. Shush! Yes, everybody. Don't ask me about hate speech and such while I am talking about universal love. It doesn't exist there and asking about it is the reason why it neither exists here, yet. And have you ever caught yourself hating hate speech? Well, the irony …
Love is just a loose term for so many different ideas, most of them I understand, but when it comes to romantic love, I kind of forgot what I thought I knew about it. Four months ago, I wrote about some flaws of mine. Number one: Avoiding myself by falling in love. It is something I have been working on for a while now and I more and more become aware of myself and what is happening when I throw myself onto someone (Like I would tend to call it, status quo of my self-studies). I only miss company when I am miserable. And of course, everybody deserves a good friend when they're feeling down. But why the heck does my mind combine those two things?
"I am miserable." + "I need someone who romantically loves me."
It shows me that my subconscious holds the belief that a romantic partner would be someone who's responsible for making me feel better about myself. I would never consciously expect that, obviously, however, it's there. But that is just one of the things I have noticed from avoiding it for a while now. It kind of never stops, there's an endless stream of information about myself I wasn't aware of. I feel as if a romantic partner in most cases is nothing else but the person who witnesses my every meltdown and who can assist me with avoiding to deal with myself. And there is this crazy difference we make between friendships and romantic relationships: Most of us would never yell at their friends. Well, a lot of us. I hope. Who, however, is not guilty of having it done to a partner? Our exes have seen all the faces we're hiding from the rest of us. And often their resonance simply deepens the pain, makes us feel even more vulnerable and can cause a vicious circle.
Nowadays when I am feeling as low as I can feel, I shed some tears, fill my journals, nobody's there who could be made responsible, or to be abused to distract myself from those feelings. I fully feel them, I write and think about them, and try to heal them in doing so. No one accidentally gets in the way, nobody needs to feel responsible (the flipside to this coin, feeling in charge for the wellbeing of someone else).
Braining = Training Your Brain
What a long intro. Isn't it, @mayb? Is it love or anxiety you're describing? When will you finally introduce us to the man you fell in love with? Obviously, what I am talking about is an anxiety attack. Neither to be confused with love nor a panic attack.
My experiences with relationships before have trained my brain. And I am braining neuroplasticity for two years now. I actively rewrite and rewire the programs in my mind. Meeting others who try the same, writing about it, yoga, meditation, repeat.
Have I simply slipped from one comfort zone to the other perhaps? From the comfort of avoiding myself by falling in love to the comfort of never falling in love again to avoid dealing with others? Well, I am avoiding talking about this guy … Ok, let's do this. It's embarrassing, definitely stepping out of my comfort zone right now …
Can't Ply Me Love
I got drunk the other day. Yeah, that's what lots of big love stories begin with, right? ;) I was drinking alone. Already an indicator. Yes, I was feeling lonely this evening, I missed someone's company. I was fully aware of all the above, so I definitely wasn't looking for romantic company, simply someone to talk to. My expectations were pretty low. So, I did what everybody tells you to never do and went to omegle. I figured everyone was right, so I want to tune into this choir and tell you DON'T EVER DO THAT.
It is a video chat roulette site. First, I clicked myself through a bunch of dicks, then I was with a teenager who played some pop songs on his keyboard for me. I grabbed my guitar and accompanied him until his mother came in and he abruptly ended the chat. And that's where the craziness began. A face appeared. One of the few actual faces on this platform. And it was a beautiful one. It turned from startled about seeing me to a huge smile. I guess my eyes did the exact same thing. We talked for hours, both of us amazed about the other one and where they had come from. We share the same birthday, many views and ideas, he mentioned an incredible amount of things that I am right now working on to manifest for myself. It was as if the universe had sent the perfect fit to support my future plans. For 3 months I was manifesting to live in the country where he comes from, he works in a field I left … He felt incredibly good and somewhat healing. So, there are spiritual people in this blood empty scene? Someone like him is responsible for a company like those I left? Wow, universe! You know how to surprise me and give my brain a new gyrus.
It is possible to catch this hormone cocktail of soppiness from meeting someone online. The comments below my other post that asserted it were right. It took the guy a week to tell me that he is married. No judgment on my side. More the feeling of relief and another confirmation (for me, personally) that what we call romantic love needs a long overdue update. If you ask me, it is incredibly often confused with projection and codependency.
I found out a way to produce a body experience quite close to feeling a crush. Some songs played as loud as possible do the job. The below one is my favorite at the moment. I didn't know the lyrics to the original until today. And I felt like they belong here, too.
Never got love from a government man
Heading downstream till the levee give in
What can I do to get the money?
We ain’t got the money, we ain’t getting out
Heading downstream till the levee gives in
And my dreams are wearing thin
All I need’s relief
I need, I need some sympathy, yeah
[Chorus]
Look at me
I just can’t believe what they’ve done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be (I just wanna be)
Look at me
I just can’t believe what they’ve done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be
I just wanna dream (Dream, dream, dream)
All of my life been wading in
Water so deep, now we got to swim
Wonder will it ever end
How long, how long 'til we have a friend?
Coming down, feeling like a battery hen
Waves won’t break 'til the tide comes in
What will I do in the sunrise?
What will I do without my dreams? (Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh, hey)
[Chorus]
Look at me
I just can’t believe what they’ve done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be (I just wanna be)
Look at me
I just can’t believe what they’ve done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be
I just wanna dream (Dream, dream, dream)
[Bridge] INDEED A BRIDGE! ROCK THE BOAT, EVERYONE!
We’re all together in the same boat
I know you, you know me
Baby, you know me
We’re all together in the same boat
I know you, you know me
Baby, you know me
We’re all together in the same boat
(Look at me
I just can’t believe what they’ve done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be)
I know you, you know me
Baby
[Outro]
I just wanna dream
I just wanna dream
I just wanna dream
Baby, you know me
Congrats! Always a wonderful thing when 2 people find each other regardless of how it is done, souls and minds know no bounds!
I think people can fall In love online if they are both truly honest and committed to achieving the same goals and being a team and willing to put in the effort to do what it takes.
I think there’s some sort of stigma or taboo and we have these fear based decisions and we try to rationalize things based on societies norms and what we’ve been told!
Plenty of so called “traditional relationships” are failures so it’s not like it’s a full proof alternative!
Wishing you all the best and I hope it all works out
Posted using Partiko iOS
Congrats? lol. I am him!
No, wait. I am this guy!
Actually, that is me:
Congratulations @mayb!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:
… which seems like a fair reward for pouring my heart out! <3
hi @mayb
you have chosen a topic full of thorns! I think it's not easy to say what is right or wrong. I would be near to your opinion and I think that if I don't attend a person in the flesh it is difficult to understand who he really is, but I have had many denials from my friends who have found love instead, telling me that knowing someone online is no different than know him in the disco or the supermarket. At the beginning there is the same mistrust and fear, but then if there is feeling why not risk it?
congratulations and thanks for sharing with us
… combined with all sort of individual traumas and programming. I wonder that some couple actually make it! :D From your picture, it seems you're one of them. Congratulations! May you guys be blessed with the magic of trust and understanding!
This is a nice post!
I can really relate to this article. It is just a human aspect that you get hooked with this thing called love. It is human nature. We can avoid it if you want and put a lot of effort into doing it but eventually with a snap of the finger, and there it is. You are already trapped. We can choose to have the relationship of our choice but we can't be too careful and a little later, you are already into some serious shit.
I have also experienced such things and at my age right now, I will never ever regret to experience all the pain I had because of love. With love, you can learn some important lessons in life and it helped you grow into the person you are right now. It is also not important what others may say about your relationship and how it came to life, may it started online, or texting or even just a meeting at a pub, it matters no less, as long as the two people have mutual feelings to each other and develop a wonderful connection that no other external factors can influence. Cheers!
Thanks for your comment. And you are absolutely right. I don't regret a single minute of my life. No decision, no love of mine. I actually do love all of them, still. Point is: None of them feels the same for me. :) That's exactly what I am so afraid of today. I am capable of loving unconditionally, I guess. Which puts you into a very lonely position. Because most people bind their love to some conditions. And you never know what those conditions are … That is scary.
Hi mayb,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Hi @mayb!
Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 3.610 which ranks you at #5556 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has improved 279 places in the last three days (old rank 5835).
In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 194 contributions, your post is ranked at #26.
Evaluation of your UA score:
Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server
Congratulations @mayb! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPDo not miss the last post from @steemitboard:
Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!
Haha...yes i really needed that laugh. But before i move on let me say, such lovely reads you have in there. You are so so wonder and i dont think you will fail like you see yourself. Its all about availing yourself to embrace the love in returns.
In the world around us today, there are many people who meet their love over the internet and social media stuffs and i can say i have met twice or thrice of the situation. But in the end its all a matter of choice. I always tell people to follow their their heart, since the heart knows you more than any one in the world.
I really enjoyed each second, i spent on your blog and each word was worth sharing. Keep up your great heart of sharing always
I would call you Smitten, not stupid. Sit one morning and make your decision about how want to look at it, might help :)