Q: can not having a dad / father figure affect you as a grown male .
Or is having one overated ?
I find not having a healthy relationship with my father has left me with no example to follow
When i was a child i was made to beleive a man was my blood father .
At the age of five my mother divorced my " dad"
After years of drugs alcahol and physical abuse all of wich i witnessed , recently i was told he had to stay away from me because he strangled me when i was 4 wich led me to live with my grandma most of the days in a week .
At age 6 mum met my stepfather who had two sons from a previous failed attempt at holy matrimony .
So heres where it gets complicated .
At the age of 12 after 6 years of this new situation i was told who i regarded as my dad was is not my blood , he was technically my first stepfather .
And she proceeded to tell me my real father lives in south africa and has a wife and two daughters now .
For some reason this led to me never accepting the new stepfather but i took to one of his sons like my own brother .
Now at age 25 i still feel im missing something yet have had the chance there all along
My apparent real fathers name is SEAUN ROMANI .. He lives in durban s.a and i have tryed to message him just to find out WHO he is
WHAT is his story .
Thankyou for reading
If you had a similar experiance i would love to hear your thaughts and comparisan to give me some help .
I have not had a similar experience, but I have a suggestion. Create your own, unique concept of what it means to be a good person and live it. What are the characteristics you want to have? You don't need anyone to show you how to be a good person; you know what actions you take feel good and which don't--use how you feel about your behavior as an indicator of whether you are on the path to becoming the person you want to be or not.
Also, family is overrated. I've met people that treat me like family after knowing me 5 minutes. I've had many family members not treat me like family. We are all humans at the end of the day; just because you have a blood relation to someone doesn't mean you have to include them in your experience, and it certainly doesn't mean you should unquestioningly model your life after them. You don't need to know your real father to know who you are. You are you, and you can be whatever kind of You that you choose. I think what you feel you are missing is the connection to yourself--you are looking for external factors to shape and define you, and that is not why you are here. You are here to choose for you.
Thankyou , im happy with your advise and will try apply this knowlege .
Allso i followed you.
Thanks