Bye, Lesh. Write how you will be at home.
She kissed me on the lips, not on the cheek. It may have been a short, wet moment, but still, I felt that our relationship had advanced.
And this farewell phrase. I doubt she read my pathetic text message about coming home. But the very fact that she, suddenly, decided to show care, of course, was encouraging.
I have never believed before that acquaintance via the Internet can turn into something serious.
I rode the subway and thought about any love stumble. As we go together to the sea, and when the sun goes down, I will kneel on one knee ... then the Around the World. And happy to gray hair.
The next morning I was fired. Dreams woke up through a sieve of lack of money.
Sudden dismissal. It was unpleasant, but it happened to me before.
So-so, good. And why did you leave the last place of work? - again this expectant look with a half smile. Always sick of them.
I decided to try myself in a different field, while young.
Well, not so young. At 25, it’s time to decide ... You know, we now have a candidate with experience in our field and ... let's do it ... - she fell silent and began to claw at the table.
God, how annoying all these business women with loopholes instead of eyes were: "Fire from all guns!" I darkly joking aside:
- Yet you called me for some reason. So you're not too sure about that guy?
- Hmm ... Perhaps you are right. He said he was waiting for another offer. And for my part it will be fair to offer you ...
Again knock predatory claws.
“Get out while this guy is thinking?”
“Since you want it this way ... In the end, you need to give a chance to those like you,” she defiantly crushed my resume.
Why? Why, even then, I did not ask her the question: "What is wrong with me? What kind of people like me ?!"
Instead, I slapped my knees and blurted out merrily:
- Well! When to start?
Because I'm a coward.
- Lesh, are you all right?
We walked through the rainy park, holding hands.
- All the way ...
The new job didn’t work, but I didn’t say Polina.
- What did you do today?
- Yes, so ... work-work.
- And today I saved the life of man. Somehow it happened ...
Polina said she works as a nurse. We always met in a park near the hospital. Either before her shift, or after. I did not understand. She always appointed time as a true health worker.
I asked:
- How is it, by chance?
- Well, that did the morning round the wards. Look, the man is choking ...
- And the neighbors?
- Who quit smoking, who slept. They are sick, understand? They all need rest, and not other people's problems.
- With healthy the same trouble ... And what did you do?
- I called the doctor and ...
- It turns out that he saved it? - idiotic habit to get to the bottom of the truth. Why did I interrupt her then?
Polina frowned. She had a nice frown. At the same time her ash bangs shuddered:
- It turns out that he is. And who do you work by the way?
- Yes, so in the office. Life is not saving people ...
So it said so badly that it shuddered most. What a bastard I am, after all. For some reason, Polina laughed:
- Yes-ah, the rescuers do not leave us, Leshka! - and suddenly kissed me on the lips. I embraced her, fragile and defenseless. And we stood for a long time in the light rain.
Never loved people kissing in public places.
- So-so, something you arrived early, Alexey. Well, tell me...
She sat down in her graceful leather chair and began tapping her claws on the table.
I felt my palms sweat and I rubbed my knees with them: - They refused ...
Elvira even jumped in surprise. She all the time somehow hypertrophied perceive what is happening around her: - Are you stupid? How did you do it at all? I gave you a ready-made client, Alekseyushka!
Then for the first time I wanted to kill her.
In principle, the usual human desire is to kill the boss.
- Lesh, well, you're again some gloomy. What is there with you doing at work? - speaking, she habitually pulled ashen bang.
I really liked how she did it then. Immediately the mood rose:
- I do not know, Paul. Work, she is on the job and to exhaust.
- Well, yes, I guess. When I was in college, I also thought that, no matter how hard it was, I had to endure, plow. And now somehow got involved. I love my hospital. Patients give candy even. Help yourself!
The weather was getting better. We were sitting on the bench, and between us was a stupid box of chocolates, a gift from the very one who was saved, who almost choked.
I was about to be fired again, and I did not know where to get money for an apartment, and not something for flowers for a date.
Nevertheless, I found some money for one purchase ...
Every day I grew a feeling of hatred for the world, which for some reason decided to rebel against me and did not let me live in a peaceful rhythm: in the morning to work, in the evening for a walk, at night under a blanket.
Not! Everything flew head over heels. It’s as if Satan himself was pushing me to accomplish what would break this hopeless run in the wheel.
I did not hear Pauline at all. And he was far from her reasoning about her vocation or the work of life. Only thoughts of how to get rich were spinning in my head ?! Where to get a million for a business?
I also remember how much I was annoyed by this fucking box of candy between us.
- Alexey, well, you upset me. Where is the fuse I hired you with ?! Your eyes were burning! And now what? Huddled into a corner like a mouse. Not visible and not audible.
It is strange that the palm is not sweated. I was sullenly silent.
Elvira spoke. And in the bag under my feet lay a gun.
I do not know if an air pistol can kill a forty-year-old woman. But I got to this stage. When the bizarre dream of reprisal with the employer turns into an informed purchase of a murder weapon.
And it was ridiculous for me to hear about some kind of fuse that Elvira felt two months ago. I silently bent to the bag to get something like a pen or business card, and got:
- How do you like this, bitch ?!
Having uttered this rudeness calmly and measuredly, I felt ... I do not know ... power. Though I didn’t know what to do next with this cold piece of iron in my hands:
- And what will you do with it, Alex? - Elvira voiced my thoughts.
Her clawed hand unconsciously pulled a cigarette out of a pack lying on a table. She lit a cigarette and looked at me questioningly.
After a second thought, I uttered it in the same calm tone:
“Just tell me what's wrong with me.” You tell me all the way about this ...
For some reason, Elvira started, as if expecting everything, even a shot, but not this question:
- You ... you, Lesha, a dreamer. Such as you, rot in the office. You either fade out quickly and then mechanically perform what is required of you. Or just go away just as quickly ...
- Yes, where should I go? - I exploded, - Besides these endless conversations with customers, I don’t know how to do anything else ...
A trembling gun looked into the face of the boss. After a while, she replied:
- Somewhere ... I'm not like that. You, not such, bring here it is not known why. Someone then cries for years from the meaninglessness of work, and someone spreads his wings and flies on. So fly ... Let go.
She got up to get a workbook out of a glass cabinet, signed it and gave me a grin:
- What do you do with me now, bitch?
A minute of deafening silence. We stood, stretching out our arms to each other, as lovers do.
Ridiculous.
Then I put the gun on the table, took the book and left.
Elvira let me go. Thanks her.
“This is how I like you more, Lesh!” At work, finally, everything is fine?
- You know, I almost killed a man today. And then ... I quit because I want like you. Save, not kill.
- Well done!
So simple. Polina didn’t get to the truth, but simply pulled bangs and laughed. Something insane slipped into this laugh, but it was so infectious that I could not resist and laughed myself.
At that moment I felt real freedom. Laugh on the bench with your loved one and not think about anything. I told her so:
- Fields, I love you!
She said nothing. We sat in silence for a few minutes until a man with the smell of a hospital came up to us:
Polina, well, I asked you not to walk in the park for so long. Come on injection.
Give a couple of minutes. I will come soon.
The hospital man sighed and left.
Polina turned her pale face to me:
- I'm dying, Lesh! Sorry for not telling you right away. There is a hospice nearby, and I'm not a nurse in it at all. Thank you for these two months of walking.
She spoke detachedly, as if reading a text for some speech. I did not believe:
- But ... how so, Fields ?! Is there no way out?
- Of course have. You found it yourself. Managed to love. Let the object of your love die soon. The main thing is that you have love in you, and you are not such a callous fool as you want to appear. - She again pulled bang and laughed, - Believe in love and do what you love. You have a whole life for this. Live it for the two of us.
I wanted to say something encouraging to her. But I did not even know what happened to her. There were so many questions in my head and not a single suitable word. She got up:
- Bye, Lesh. Write how you find your business. I believe in you.
Sitting still, like an idiot, I thought only: “Why does the patient encourage the healthy? There’s really something wrong with me. ”
Polina leaned toward me, kissed me on the lips, and then left. Forever and ever.
Ten years have passed since then. I learned to be a surgeon. I managed to get a job by profession. Found a beautiful wife.
But, still falling asleep, I write to Polina my mental text message: "I managed to become what you believed in."