Snap, Crackle, Pop...I'm Getting Old

No, I'm not referring to this cereal. A cereal I never liked. I prefer Frosted Flakes instead.

This year I turned 49 years old. Truth be told, I never thought I would live this long. That thought really intensified after I got married. My wife's cooking sucks that bad.

I would like to share with you the changes that have taken place within my body ever since I became 49. When I wake up in the morning it takes a few minutes for my eyes to focus. This use to happen a lot quicker when I was younger. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I'm practically blind now. I really have to give in and upgrade my glasses. The other day I pulled into the wrong driveway. I was off by two houses.

Getting out of bed has become at least a 3-minute struggle. Once my eyes finally focus I start touching myself all over. Yes, I know that sounds bad. I just like checking to see if everything is working before attempting to get out of bed. What's the sense of getting out of bed if something is not working.

If all body parts are working I then begin the process of getting out of bed. That's when the moaning and groaning begins. It seems like every part of my body is always sore when I wake up. That's when the snap, crackle, and pop begin to start. That's the sound my body makes when I try to get up from bed.

When I was younger I was so light on my feet I could make a ballerina jealous.

At 49 I can't sneak up on my wife to grab her ass anymore.

Not to mention the fact that she's constantly yelling at me for waking her up in the middle of the night when I need to urinate.

But that's another blog.