Most social events after 5pm involve alcohol of some sort. As a fully fledged adult, I feel like I’m offered alcohol at every turn, at every event I attend. Free wine, free beer, free cocktails, drink specials, shot flights at parties, you name it!
I like alcohol, but I don’t love it.
When I was younger I definitely had my fun, and have my stories, but as I’ve grown older it’s become less and less appealing. It might be that when I turned 27 I started getting hangovers even if I didn’t drink much and remembered to have a few glasses of water before bed. It might be that in the last few years I have become someone who likes to get up in the morning and go hiking or adventuring--feeling less than top notch and well rested isn’t fun. It also might be that I don’t like how easy it is to drink just a little bit too much at an event where you would rather be sharp and on your game. Overall, my reasons to drink have steadily declined.
Last December I had a bit too much wine at a friends house while baking Christmas cookies.
The next day I felt awful. It didn’t help that the previous night I had also cried and gotten sad and emotional in the midst of being tipsy. I had a serious reckoning with myself: what exactly was I getting out of drinking and why did I continue to do something I didn’t even enjoy that much?
I decided to quit drinking over the holidays just to see if I could.
I evaded Christmas drinks, New Years drinks, and January humdrums drinks. And then I kept going. Before I knew it, it had been 2 months since I’d had a drink--which I realized while out one night with some friends barhopping. I could have had a drink then, but instead I ordered a ginger ale and discovered that with a beverage in hand, that I could re-order regularly, I completely eliminated the awkwardness of being the only one without something to drink.
Flash foward to today, and it’s been over 4 months since I stopped drinking.
I’m not intentionally making the decision to not drink again ever. It’s just that I haven’t felt the need, or the desire to do so in months. When I do drink I love dry hard cider, there is no better beverage. However, even now with some amazing sample ciders courtesy of a tour at Seattle Cider Co. in my fridge I just don’t feel the urge to drink. I will if I do, but I haven’t.
I made a pact with myself when I first started drinking: never drink in order to feel the confidence to do something that I wouldn’t do sober.
I’ve done some crazy things while under the influence, but I’ve never drank to get up my courage to do something. Similarly, I don’t drink when I’m sad or to get through something. I’ve never used alcohol, except in a recreational sense.
Most of the time when folks stop drinking there is a reason. I don’t have one. It just feels natural.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t have my guilty pleasures. I have always enjoyed smoking weed--as a Type A artist with occasional anxiety, marijuana has helped me out in a lot of ways. In college when I was working 2 jobs, stage managing a show, and taking 27 credits (yes, I know, what was I thinking?), I sometimes think that smoking a bowl was the only thing that allowed my brain to relax enough at night for me to fall asleep and get a good night’s rest. While everyone has a different experience, marijuana actually helps me function, relax, and have fun. Alcohol slows me down.
I also have a family history of alcoholism that I have to constantly monitor.
I grew up knowing that my Mom lost her little sister when she was 21 to alcoholism. For a variety of reasons, my aunt wasn’t able to find peace in this world except through liquor and she lost herself to the substance. My Dad also has struggled with substance abuse and gave up drinking when I was 4 to make a better life for our family (I am so proud of him for that--he’s never had a drop sense, even on a special occasion). I have always known it would break my family’s heart if I were to develop a substance abuse issue, and I’ve also always known that I’m genetically predisposed to do so.
There really is no point to this article, perhaps I should have said that up front. ;)
I don’t plan on “quitting” drinking entirely, but I’m really surprised at how easily I’ve given it up. I don’t notice its absence, and I don’t feel a need or desire to go have a beer. Just tonight I was at an event with some lovely free drink options and I found myself ordering ginger ale because I wanted it more than liquor. I guess I’m saying that it’s been extremely liberating to remove myself from alcohol--I’ve found that not only does life go on without a drink in my hand--it’s actually totally awesome and I still have a lot of fun.
Why do you think so many of our social interactions are fueled by drinking? What is the balance you have found between sobriety and fun? Would love to know your thoughts!
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it's been 2 years for me not intentionally but it just sort of happened. I personally have a high tolerance no matter how long of an abstinence stretch but I was never a person who drank our of peer pressure anyway. I did have a yearly baileys ritual where I would get a big bottle each Yule/x-mas and it was mine mine mine. Bur since I went vegan 10years ago that no longer was an option and I am not much of a beer or wine person ... it just sort of fiddled out ... at least for now ...
Thanks for adding your story into this! I like that you also just haven’t been drinking...not because you are intentionally saying ‘no’, but just because you don’t want to...I’m a person who has a hard time staying away from anything I tell myself I can’t have...so it’s nice to be able to find that balance. Thanks again for reading and responding.
I don't regularly consume alcohol. Once in a way I'd have a beer or a glass of wine. Just like you, I was surprised to see I did not miss it. Then I realized it was more of a social habit. When I got sick, I gave up smoking and drinking within the same day.
After getting a heart attack, alcohol is definitely a no-no! Luckily there is nonalcoholic beer. ;0)
Oh wow, so interesting to hear your perspective and story @lymepoet! I definitely share the experience of being surprised at realizing I don’t miss it the way I thought I would...and ginger beer really does the trick for me, it’s delicious, haha.
and I never touch alcohol or beer.. 🤣🤣👍🏽
Nice! Thanks @orcheva!
thats not good for you..trust me.. :)
the most delicious taste of red wine.
It can be oh so good!
yeah...lily
I guess drinking is more of a personal preference. There's no right or wrong, it's just based on someone's decision. A great alternative to beer is to have a non-alcoholic beer which of course is not as great but it should do the job. I agree that there are millions of drinks choices out there to choose from, besides alcohol, there are many non-alcoholic beverages that we should try it out. In my opinion, there's absolutely no harm of trying new things :)
Thanks for the support! That’s kind of been the experience--just trying something new and kind of liking it--and being surprised that I don’t miss drinking the way I thought I would haha. Plus...ya...it totally opens up so many new options for non-boozey beverages! Appreciate you stopping by. :)
I think that your perspective here on drinking is an important one yet rarely written about. We all know the more extreme stories of abstinence and indulgence but hearing about a lack of interest based on the simple desire to feel good, to feel whole and to have access to your best self is so refreshing and I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone else talk about this except myself! Maybe this is why I like this piece - I agree ;-). I do drink but could take it or leave it and always favor the clarity of self over this particular recreation.
Thank you so much for reading and responding to this! Glad to know I’m not alone. Feeling whole, and healthy, and awesome every morning is pretty invaluable in my book...and the “clarity of self” as you put it is also wonderful. Thanks for the support!
amen to that!
Because many of us are socially awkward when sober? :) Do you think that's our natural state of being?
I personally enjoy the taste of good beer and red wine, and although I stopped getting seriously drunk long time ago, I like being merry and a bit tipsy from time to time :)
That said, kudos to you for staying away from booze!
Haha, ya, that’s probably true. It definitely relaxes folks (as someone who does fundraising, I’ve learned to never throw an event without some delicious beverages, haha).
I don’t think I’ll never drink again--as you say it’s fun to be “merry and a bit tipsy” from time to time. Also, I live in the PNW where there is way too much amazing beer and cider flowing to be entirely permanently sober. This is more of an experiment that has me thinking about when/why I’m drinking! Appreciate you reading and responding and supporting. See you around. :) Cheers!
P.S. I love your photos -- your blog is super stunning. I’ve started a new group for multidisciplinary artists, @TheNewAlchemists, and I’d love to have you pop over into our Discord, there’s a really supportive community of great artists forming: https://discord.gg/SGfXau
I think this is super. You do not need alcohol. I think I have a very similar story to you. In the most recent beer I drink I know I felt so shitty. After a bit of fun inside the middle of a nice chat with my friends I'm sleepy. After that, the conversation started to squeeze me. I wanted to go to sleep. The next days I felt the same again. The beer was just bringing sleep. it is obvious that there is no benefit afterwards. I was just asleep. That means wasting the day for me. I think it's been 3 months since then. I do not ever want to. maybe I fit in some environments courtesy. but not like before. my body reacts negatively to alcohol.
Yesss...I know that exact feeling...especially the part where you start to feel physically not great...but everyone else is still having fun and you’re just ready to lay down for the night and be done. Kudos to you for sticking to it, and happy to know I’m not alone. <3
ah yes! exactly :) I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone: D
do what you love. And love what you doBtw, i just follow u on IG.. 😃
Thank you!! :) Happy to have more IG followers--and that’s my motto and I’m stickin’ to it. :)
Do u dont follow me back. 😭
I've definitely had similar relationship with marijuana but still enjoy a few beers a week as well :)
I would expect no less from another Pacific Northwester. I don’t think I could ever say never to the perfectly done craft brew.
This is very familiar to me. I have spent much of my 20s drunk. Now, in my mid 40s, I have become the dude who gets a coke or tea or coffee. In science fiction conventions, much of the socializing tends to take place at the bar. Last year, at worldcon, I did my own counter programming to that by setting up meets with people at the cafe. The evening may be a little less fun, but the next morning is so much nicer.
Oh how I feel you on so much socializing taking place around the bar. I like your cafe method, ha, and yes to feeling great the next day and ready to conquer the world(con). :) Thanks for the support here!
There is always a point where any recreation becomes overindulgent. And I do empathize; my family has a history of alcoholism and compulsive behavior.
Thank you for sharing--finding a balance while also knowing where you come from is real important. :)
i read your post with attention i had too a similar problem some years ago, i was drinking to much not as an alchool addicted but enough to ruin a bit my life, i mean get up early it's hard if you have an hangover, last xmas i get a bad one, i broke up with my boyfriend and i was sad but alchool did not hepl me i get more and more sad i cried, vomit and day before it i was so upset, i promis to drink less when i am sad, many social moments require alchool but i think the important is not abuse of it, ok a glass of wine or two but if you start to feel drunk you must stop, it's unhealthy and dangerous.
I hate that feeling of being outside of yourself that you can get when you’re drunk. It’s never fun to feel regret...and I’ve noticed that even when I don’t get sad or whatnot...I still usually regret at least one thing about drinking (even if it’s just that I wasted my morning by sleeping in because I had to sleep off the booze). Appreciate your thoughtful and personal response to this.
I've had a similar experience! Actually, it's interesting enough a story to make a post out of it, so I think I'll do just that =) ... But now I'll not write what I was going to write here so that I don't spoil the story for you, lol.
Awesome, looking forward to reading. :)
Yes, I've been 'experimenting' not drinking from time to time too. It's very easy for me to not drink, but social pressure (Ohhh but this wine is VERY special! One of a kind!) is real, haha! Gosh, I just love (red) wine and appreciate a glass or two from time to time. But not weekly, really only when I feel like it or it truly enhances the meal I'm eating.
So enjoy with moderation it is for me. But I can totally see myself not drinking for months as well.
A recent post in The Guardian suggested drinking might become as socially unpopular as smoking in the future...
Yesss, the “this wine is every special” argument is SPOT ON. It can be really hard to say no, not that I won’t, but I’ve definitely noticed in the last few months how often alcohol is offered (and sometimes repeatedly). I think I’m with you in the camp of enjoying a little when it makes sense or feels like a special occasion of some sort. :) Will have to look into that Guardian article, would be interesting if it came to be!
I don't drink, mostly cos I'm breastfeeding but even before that I never was a very big drinker, I have had moments where I have drunk too much and then felt so shitty the next day that I decided I never would again. I feel lucky that I can easily go without drinking, for others it is hard. I do like a cold ginger beer in the summer.
Ginger beer is the way, the truth, and the light! Haha. Here in Seattle we have Rachel’s Ginger Beer, and it so delicious, SO gingery....it really is amazing with our without anything added!
Great for you @lilyraabe. So glad that you can go on and have even funner times without drinking :)
Well...maybe not funner...but at least as fun, haha. :) Appreciate the support. :)
I have not had a dring in 3 years. It started because of my stomach problems and not mixing alcohol with the medication I had to take and it continued even when I stop using medication. I still have fun and I still smile, so, you do not need alcohol for that. But, to be perfectly honest, I never used it for that anyway. I was never drinking for the purpose to get drunk and I never understood that. When something tastes good I drink and/or eat it. So, on that note, I miss wine sometimes lol because I did enjoy the taste.
Thanks for sharing your perspective here! @natureofbeing wrote earlier that we often only hear about people abstaining because of really extreme circumstances, but there are a lot of other, less dramatic reasons folks decide to drink less (or not at all) than the norm. Appreciate your thoughts and your story (and ya, a good glass of wine can be pretty great...I’m a fan of cold rosé in summer...)
Hello I love your post I also draw, I invite you to my block
Thank you so much for the support!
Well that’s one more interesting subject that you are broaching here @lilyraabe.
I used to be a very heavy drinker, actually it was my everyday ritual and in large quantities too. At some point four years ago I decided to quit everything addictive as a self cleaning process and for proving to myself that I can. Three months later I realized not only that I don’t need all thοse things but I don’t even like it any more.
Ever since I have been drinking a little bit from time to time and mostly due to social pressure or some times a kind of nostalgia about the taste and the fun that goes along but the last year those times become even less frequent.
I don’t know why alcohol has become such a powerful socialization tool but I do know that when your milieu realises that you really don’t fancy drinking anymore then the whatever pressure is going away and they just ignore the fact that the liquid in your glass is different from the one in theirs.
In conclusion I could copy paste the last paragraph of your post, I couldn't have written it better myself :)
Hey there! Sorry for the delay, I’ve been out and about for the last few days. Really appreciate you stopping by to check this out. I can totally relate to your story--writing this post has been amazing because so many folks have shared a similar journey or path...where they stop drinking and then realize that they just don’t really want to anymore. It’s really interesting to get this perspective from so many folks!
I haven't had a drink in years. I lost my dad to alcohol and it seemed to me the hardest part for him was not finding acceptance in society as a non-drinker. Our culture treats people that do not drink as someone to be pitied, and you should have a reason like being pregnant or an alcoholic, or some other medical condition. I didn't like that.I wanted non-drinkers to be treated like anyone else. I want drinking to be a choice, not a right of passage, I want a world where people don't drink, just because they don't not because there is something "wrong" with them. I am not against the act of drinking, I am not against drinkers...I just want attitudes to change. People are not less-than (OR better-than ) if they do not drink. And I realized the only way I could possibly inspire that is to live it.
Thank you for sharing your personal story. <3 And also, this stood out to me:
This is such an interesting, and relevant thing to point out! Having your first drink is seen as a really big deal here--I wonder what the percentage of 21-year-olds who don’t drink alcohol on their birthday is? It is so normalized and encouraged. Really appreciate your perspective on this, and ya, I totally agree, I wish the choice to not drink wasn’t associated with so many negative connotations!