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I'm not sure where I'm going with this. There are a lot of things bubbling in my mind right now and it might be good to get them out. Even if i never post them.
I'm not one for sympathy. Like most everyone else on this planet, I've had my share of downs. I've been to my rock bottom. I know what it feels like to give up hope -- hope for myself, hope for the world, hope for any shred of sunlight in an abyss that just keeps getting darker.
But, also like most people, I've picked myself up.
(The expression is, "picked myself up by the bootstraps," but I only wear flip flops, otherwise known as "thongs." Thus, I could say that I picked myself up by the thong. But that brings another type of "thong" to mind, and in reality I would never want my body weight to be suspended by that latter type of thong. That's just not right. )Anyway,
I know how to heal myself, is what I'm getting at. And lately, I've actually been making some pretty amazing breakthroughs as far as getting my heart in the right place is concerned -- letting go of hatred that I was sure would be with me for the rest of my life. Hatred that I was actually using as an armor, the viciousness of which I took mild pride in. (Enough of that. Different post. Moving on.)So things have been going quite well.
And today I learned that my sixty-five-year-old father has about two options in his life right now:
work himself into another heart attack (he owns a business that is physically labor-intensive and can't afford to hire an employee),
or cut his losses and move back in with my mom, essentially penniless. (They're still married, it's just tough for them to live in close quarters. Long story.)
My mom has a decent job, but not enough to support the two of them. And of course he has no retirement to fall back on.
It hurts me, as a child, to see a parent going through this. I mean, I'm not a child in age. At thirty-six, I have my own house and am able to live decently with all my animals and the typical expenses.
A huge part of me feels tremendously guilty for not having earned more money, enough so that he wouldn't have to go through this. Of course, he wouldn't accept handouts from his daughter out of pride, and I get that. But if I had an excess -- like a silly amount of excess, say a million or more -- then I could spin it as "family money" and it would be shared equally.
So I sit here, generally happy with my life and they way things are going, and feel completely selfish for it.
Is my life the only one that matters?
Just because I don't need a lot of money to enjoy my life, does that mean I shouldn't continue to strive for more so that I might help others?
It is terrifying to think of starting from zero at sixty-five years old. Terrifying.
And here I sit, comfortably in my house while my own father, the man who raised me, is suddenly forced to face that exact nightmare scenario. And I can do nothing to help.
It upsets me that so much of this world revolves around money. And it upsets me to think that my general removal from that environment -- while wonderful for me -- might be detrimental to someone else, especially someone close to me.
I never thought about it like that.
I never considered the potential downside of a simple life: that my choice to own less would leave someone else with less -- someone who didn't choose that and who doesn't want that.
I didn't intend on making this a post.
It's long-winded and boring and not humorous and there are no cute pictures (okay, that baby is kinda cute) . Exactly the opposite of what I tend to do instinctively.
I like being positive and I like to make people smile.
But every now and then things happen that whack the positivity right out of my brain like a slow-motion boxer's punch to the jaw -- like with the spit flying and smooshed face and everything.
There. A cute picture.
(source)
Anyway, I'm going for it. It's on the blockchain now and everyone (or at least the few who read this) will see my slightly more serious side. My gushing feelies-post. Eeek.
Love ya @lenadr - hope all works out.
Thank you! <3
Your father has something more valuable than gold. He has you! I am sure he will tell you the same.
That is really kind of you to say. Thank you so much. :)
Oh girlie. Somehow you still manage to be funny even if you try to be serious. And sometimes life just happens to suck for others and there's not much you can do about it. I understand your dad would be too proud to take any hand-outs from his daughter (although I don't see it like that if it involves loved ones) but maybe the best you can do now is just be there for him? Or am I just rambling like a crazy cat lady. I'd say feeling the love of his daughter and knowing you got his back if he needs it means more than you know. I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I know I can't so I'm not going to try. Just hang in there, even the darkest clouds will eventually pass...
Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I feel the virtual hug through the screen. :)
I'm hoping I can manifest some sort of new beginning for him that will turn this from a crisis into a blessing.
Then I succeeded. My dogs were definitely thinking I'd gone nuts trying to hug the screen 🤣, not that they're not used to crazy around here..And that's a great idea, don't hope you will manifest something, you WILL. Meanwhile I will help sending some positive energy as well, you just never know, it may just help. Where doors close, others will open...And I think his life is way more important than a business that could potentially cost him his. ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️
... you're awesome. <3
And you are :)
So sorry to hear about your father's troubles. I hope something good comes his way soon.
Despite the tone of this post, you still made me smile when you talked about the latter thong :D
Thank you for that. I just got a big smile on my face. :)
You might be surprised at the hidden skills your father has accumulated over a lifetime of hard work. If you're at all interested, I'd be happy to help you help him find a new line of work and give you any connections I might have.
It's a tough spot to be in as a kid...I get it, I've been there (story for another post). Just know that you're not alone and lots of people might be willing to help you! Steemit is a pretty good place to meet some of these people because we have such a huge cross-section of society here.
Wow, thank you so much for your comment. That really means a lot to me! His business is cleaning and repairing Oriental (Persian) rugs. He's done it for almost 40 years now. He's also an amazing artist, but is too shy about his work to put it anywhere.
I'd love to talk with you some more! Are you on Discord? I also have a Steemit.chat account somewhere around here... hahaha.
Thank you again!
Wow, that really sucks. I know I wish I had a lot more money so I could help my family and friends.
But I also learned something, and that is that we all make our choices and live with the consequences, or conquer them. Sometimes it's a mix, but ultimately, it's up to each of us to react any given way. We always have a choice, and we are all infinitely capable. I have no doubt your dad will be able to find a new adventure, maybe even better than the one he's currently struggling with. And by staying positive and reminding him of that, that might just be what it takes to turn the bright idea bulb on. All the best :)
Thank you for saying that. I'm hoping this turns out to be a good turn in his life. Time will tell. <3
followed. Hang in there. Such a tough situation. I hope to be in a place where I can financially assist my family with the money i make investing in crypto.
Cheers, @rebele93
my latest idea too
Thank you so much. That is a wonderful dream, isn't it? I hope I can do that too one day.
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I really feel for you and your father's situation. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope things work out, somehow, for him.
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. :)
We all just need to vent every once in a while. If you're looking for an awesome new community you should come on over to @steemusa and check out the discord. Would love to have a fellow Texan (assumption maybe wrong, but going off the world map tag at the bottom).
Have an awesome weekend.
Thank you so much!
love that really. Food for thought.
I am even older, (muchly) and not only am I not able to support my father (who is correspondingly older), he has had to start sharing his pension with me to keep me above water.
Doesn't feel good.
all because I choose freedom and rejected the status quo, but it has all turned out poorly.
I also have a ton of animals. Probably related.
Cheers, and thanks for the post.
well expressed.
Hi, thanks for the comment! Yes, it can be tough trying to live "freely." How ironic.