So, since I got back from the hospital I have been rather...lethargic and mildly depressed.
Like I got so close to killing myself that I no longer am even going there in my head as an option which has resulted in this just mild depression and lack of ambition and I am DONE. I need to get my shit together and pack into a backpack. All of it. So it's together. The first step to doing that is cleaning what I call my depression mess. IT has gotten ....very bad. I eat in my bed and then just put the trash on the floor next to it. This is only something I do when I am in a real funk. Then eventually I wake up and I am like "Where am I!?".
In my opinion, keeping my room tidy has a HUGE impact on my mental health. When everything is neat and orderly I am so much more likely to be in a decent mood and so much more capable of getting things done. However, it is so overwhelming and difficult to get things done with my depression stacked on my anxiety stacked on my PTSD stacked on my insanely painful debilitating bladder disease so without making myself take accountability I fear I will be swimming in garbage.
That's where you come in Steemit.
I figured I can share pictures of this mess as embarrassing and awful as it is with the promise of posting after pictures tonight when I finish. This will make me have to get my shit all together and take it to a shit museum. So stay tuned for the after photos.
This is seriously hard for me to post. This isn't how anyone wants to present themselves but not only is this giving an honest portrayal of how my mental and physical illnesses affect my life but it really will help me to take accountability and get it cleaned up. Well, I am off to tackle this disgusting mess. Better hurry so I have time to vacuum!! I plan to have it done tonight so I can update you guys with the after pictures of my new tidy room.
My place isn't much better, I've been good at keeping the kitchen clean but my work area, bedroom and bathroom is hard to keep control of.
If you do it, I'll do it too :)
:D Really!? I am DEFINITELY doing it. Already started. Posting these photos lit a fire under my ass because I want to post the AFTERS to show I am human again. hehe
I'll do it tomorrow haha
Start in one corner and work your way to the middle. Do that with each corner, do your closet last but don't forget it, it represents the closets in your mind. Try and walk every day in the morning. Develop small routines that you can follow easily every day. Avoid sugar and processed foods if you can. Whole Foods are easy to eat and simple too cook. This is how I work with my ptsd and depression. You can work your way out of the depression habit.
I can't really walk much at all right now due to my extreme disability. I have appts set so maybe in the next year or so I will have some relief but right now I am pretty much confined to this room 90% of the time. That's kind of the problem. I do eat mostly whole foods. I am vegan and ahve to cut out processed foods and sugar from my diseases.
Thanks though for the advice. Everything is just a bit different for me being this disabled. I was always able to get out of my depression before. I would walk for many miles a day in nature. Now I can't really leave my home so everything is different. Here's to hoping I get relief soon! :)
Be sure and get your vitiman b12, it's super important, even if you have to eat animal products like eggs. They are inexpensive and easy too cook. If you could go outside and sit in the sunshine a little bit each day that would help refresh your mind and get some vitiman D...I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue so I understand. I lost the reflex in my right leg from a pinched nerve in my back lumbar l5 so I totally understand. I was in so much pain I didn't sleep much for a couple years. Walking meditation brought back my reflex back in 2005 along with very simple yoga moves. Now I sleep with a arch support and have been pain free for almost 2 years. You can do it, just one little step at a time.
I don't eat animal products. I know I need B12 but its tricky for me as supplements cause IC flares. I don't want to be rude but I have a super complex series of diseases you don't know about so advice isn't too helpful. I am seeing doctors and will figure it out. The nature of my disease makes diet stuff REALLY complicated and not something anyone other than people suffering and experts really know about. There are tons of food limitations. I used to do yoga daily and can't do a lot of it now as it worsens my issues.
All the stuff you are telling me is how I got over it in the past but it really isn't the same now with all these issues.
I hope you don't take this response as rudeness it is just exhausting to explain why a lot of the things people tell me to do to help won't work for me currently. Support groups for my particular disease and doctors are my best best to solving this puzzle.
The sunshine though, I can do. ;)
Yeah I just checked your thread, sorry for the hasty advice, my apologies. I've suffered from autoimmune problems and ptsd from sexual abuse since I was a kid...some surgery too, I should be in a wheelchair. I stopped talking about my illnesses except to write posts on my recovery.
no it's okay! I's more a matter of many people offering me such advice and me having to try to explain point by point why it's not a solution for me right now. I just feel it's easier to be honest. XD I wasn't upset. <3
It's okay, I need to stop offering advice, it's a habit I almost have conquered, believe it or not you are helping me!
(I do hope and plan to be back to a place where I can be walking and yoga'ing again but it'll be a long road filled with invasive painful tests and trying different things as no one thing works for everyone with IC. It may end up requiring surgery)
I am getting virtual reality soon so I can kinda feel like I am walking in nature until I get myself to the point where I can. :)
You will get back your mobility I know it!
Thank you and again, sorry if I came off rude. I really know you are genuinely trying to help and all your advice is really solid. I am just a big puzzle at the moment. haha but I do feel confident I will get my mobility back even if it's not quite the same as before I plan to be able to take long walks again. :)
I understand, I really do!❤️
PS - I really do need to tackle my closet but it may be another day because I need to donate many clothes and things and I need my roommate to help get me around.
Take a couple of days to work though your room, take it easy❤️
Well it may be next week for the closet due to my roommates work schedule but I will tackle the main room today. Once I get started on a cleaning kick I generally finish the job. :D
Wait no itll be Thu. that I can tackle the closet.
Standing by for after pics. You got this! 😊
Thanks @uglysweater. I still smile every time I see your username btw so thanks for that. :)
So glad for that! 😄
This post received a 2.0% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @lauralemons! For more information, click here!
Nice post :)
Turn on good music. and slowly start to clean up. Don't think about anything bad! only about the positive! Just start to put the things in place. Then retracted gradually! Good luck to you my friend! success!
It happens all depression - it passes quickly. when you have close friends!
I always put on music when I clean and end up feeling really happy. Dancing and singing. It is just getting to it that is hard and I already started and have gotten a lot done!! :D I am a cleaning machine!
Also, my depression does not pass quickly. It probably isn't clinical depression if it does. It is just being sad. ;)
Can't wait for the after pictures
It's getting there. I have been speedy cleany machine since posting this. XD I found....I found a moldy apple core. :'(
a small sadness can become a serious problem... I fight with...the sadness for like 6 years... The only 2 things that work for me are not beating myself up and doing whatever I like for huge amounts of time (like producing music or taking notes for my next book)...
So avoid blaming yourself and occupy your time. I heard walking outside also helps, but I've never tried doing that like a habit because I am too busy with my projects , haha xD!
I am so glad you shared this. HUGS.
Depression sucks. It hurts everywhere. I wrote about being in the shades of gray and Steemit has helped me stay out of the dark place. Clean up. Move. Breathe. Stretch. Say "thank you" just because you can (it's a trick I use to help me out of the funk). Then come back and keep sharing.
Thanks. :) I already have this room SO much cleaner but I am getting it really nice before I take pics. :D I already feel better.
Yep, that looks like depression.
I posted the after pics in my next blog! :D I am in nice room again. hehe
You know what? I know exactly what you mean. The more messed up and messy my living space is, the less I can focus on what I set out to do. Despite my divorce sucking as hard as it is, my ex-wife moving out is giving me an opportunity and motivation to clear out all the clutter I've collected and start fresh again. On to part II to see how it turned out!
Oh dear, sorry to hear about a sucky divorce. :( But starting new can be nice. I mean after the grieving, or sucky period.
Bad things happen all the time. It's how you get past them that defines you after. Thankfully, everyone's still friends :)
I want to commend you on being so open and honest about the side effects of your depression. Literally millions of people are suffering from the same symptoms on different levels, and because of the stigma it's kept them very silent. I love that your so honest and it will help you on your journey for sure!! Your so right keeping a tidy and organized environment has a big impact on mental health, and is a red flag for depression as well as other issues for some. I'm so glad your being pro-active about your choice to seek help and to brighten up your space...Watch how good you feel Girl!! I'm going to do a blog on this issue of cleaning and mental health because your right people don't take it serious enough!! PROPS TO YOU!!! Keep up the good work!!!!!!
This is why I love you! You show us the parts of ourselves that we pretend don't exist. My husband showed me a photo I took in hospital when I was afraid I would die. It was the most honest and confronting and I said no.
The most real depiction of my illness and I couldn't post it.
Love you. Ride the hideous empty and make it through, because we need you here to hold a mirror up to everyones sadness. I wish I could reach through this screen an hug you woman. X