You didn't tell what have been so bad in your life. That's ok, you dont have to.

You wrote that you have a family, roof over the head and such... that's more then many people in the world.

I have had VERY VERY bad "black spells" in my life, not that we should compare misery, I have learned from every time that I lost something big in my life. Writing this, just to let you know, that your life is maybe not so bad after all.