Why You Should Say NO More Often and Give Fewer Fucks

For many years, I thought that it was my responsibility, my duty, to deep-dive into the most terrible and baffling situations (and people), with the mad hope of understanding them in order to transmute them--to bring about healing.

I thought I had to suffer in order to heal suffering. Then I realized that was hopelessly arrogant of me.

The universe doesn't bring in happiness to those who are vibing with misery--JOY and BLISS is the natural state and birthright of every human on the planet.

Yes, even the ones who make our insides writhe with confusion and ache with sadness.

I learned how to hold at bay the ones who brought me down--with tenderness, and time, and maybe even too much empathy...but I learned to protect mySelf.

I learned that I don't owe people my time, or a place in my reality, if they are actively stuck in misery and suffering while CHOOSING to continue on that path.

Yes, suffering is a choice.

You are responsible for the energy you create, no matter the circumstances you find yourself in.

Those who are dedicated to healing and happiness will heal and find joy.

Those who just want to complain while continuing to bump around in the dark won't benefit from me (or you) holding space for their complaints, while they repeatedly insist it has nothing to do with X, where X is a clear and obvious cause of their troubles...

Some might say it's not kind of me to disconnect from those who might benefit from my help.

I say you're dead wrong. I say I don't owe anything to the people whose actions cause me to burn myself out, working harder to hold up my own vibe.

I do not owe my energetic commitment, or even an explanation of WHY NOT, to those who don't align with where I want to go. It's not a matter of me being callous or indifferent, but a matter of me walking my talk, and treating myself the way I deserve to be treated.

No hard feelings, Love, but I care too much about where I'm going to derail my commitment to mySELF even a little bit for you.

And the wild irony of it all is that this kind of radical commmitment to self-love actually SPILLS OVER into other people.

It holds a torch that lets others see a way OUT....others who might be stuck in the darkness of subservience, of victimization, of guilt and "shoulds" and "have-tos". Others who are no longer clear (or maybe never knew) what healthy love and commitment to self looks like.

No is a sacred word. It's protection and self-preservation, boundaries and strength.

It's a word that says, I honor mySelf enough to not waste my energy and wound my heart with human connections that are dead-ended, draining and miserable--no matter who they are or how they got that way.

Yes, everybody matters....BUT

I'm not willing (even though I may in fact be capable) to be the raw material upon which "everybody" gets to dump their burdens.

Just because I know how to hold that space for others doesn't mean I owe it to every hapless person who wanders my way.

Saying NO often, without explanations or preamble, without producing a document with footnotes to justify WHY NOT...means that you (and I) can maintain our energy to be a more effective channel of change.

By maintaining solid boundaries of who and what I let in, even those whom I've excluded may watch and learn how to do the same.

It means we get to BE the EXAMPLE of how to live an authentic life.