My best friend has BPD so I'm pretty familiar with it. It sounds like you already have a lot of insight into the disorder and how it affects your own behavior and that puts you miles ahead of most people that have any kind of issue like that. :) Keep working with your doctor and find a good therapist if you can. It's hard work but you can definitely overcome this.
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Thank you for your encouraging words.
I am on a wait list to see a therapist- hopefully that is soon.
I agree @kristyleann here in my country people are still struggling with admiring to themselves they need psychiatric help because of the stigma that comes with it. besides not much institutions here too. Great comment here @kristyleann. Just don't give up mandyteacup. You just keep helping