Today was full of complex conversations. Layered jokes and memories being endlessly woven together by three pre-teen voices. No attempt was made to hold back their hysterical laughter, shouts of glee, purposefully awkward dancing, and every silly facial expression you could possibly imagine (with photo evidence of course!)
I was given the privilege of being fully immersed in the idyllic land of 13
I wore the roles of chauffeur, paparazzi, caterer, pack mule, cheerleader and on rare occasion, counselor. It was a glorious day. 100 degrees outside, but glorious none the less. We window shopped, stuffed our faces, photographed anything that could possibly be beautiful or hilarious, for any obvious or ironic reasons. It was hot, I was tired, the sounds of joy were loud, but today was a gift.
I grew up in a home where all I ever wanted to do was get away. My mother struggled with bipolar and refused therapy or medication, so my home life was an unpredictable rollercoaster, and I tried my best to decline admission to the ride as often as possible. One of my main coping mechanisms was being extremely social. I figured, if I could make enough friends, they would invite me over to their house and I could have a few hours of safety and peace. Thankfully this tactic worked rather well for me, and I got to spend a large majority of my childhood and teen years enjoying and observing the families of my friends.
As a parent, I remember those experiences so vividly. Mostly the other parents just left us to ourselves to play and have fun. But a precious few took the time to get to know me a bit. They asked me questions about my life, congratulated me if I did something well, and even gave me hugs sometimes. They never knew how impactful those gestures were. They never knew, that their kind words, were sometimes the only positive adult interactions I was going to have that week.
Today, I mostly listened. I laughed along with the jokes I could understand, watched the girls tease and cheer each other from one breath to the next, and created a safe space for them to just be themselves.
It only happened twice over the entire 7 hour play day, but a tiny window opened up in the waterfall of thoughts being shared, and I had the opportunity to speak to their hearts, just for a moment. I got to acknowledge and champion the strength I saw in them. I got to call out their greatness and encourage them in what makes them so special. It was only a few sentences. A tiny sliver of the day. But in those moments, the cacophony was silenced, and their eyes sparkled. They drank in something indescribable, but so needed.
We have an incredible opportunity when another child enters our home.
We might be the only friendly adult they see that day, that week, that month. But even if that child comes from a wonderful, life giving home, we still might see something in them, that others have overlooked. We might be able to en-courage (to give courage to) them in a place they really need it.
I'm so thankful for those parents of friends who loved me well. It is my hope to always be a safe place, and a safe parent, for any child I get the honor to meet.
This was a wonderful post, it is true we dont always know what other kids go through. I was an only child and all I did was ballet. My parents were both full time workers, so time for love was very little. That is why I spent 90% of my time playing with my kids while they grew up. Today they are bouth well adjusted and wonderful kids. My daughter is @giantbear and my son @jacor they helped me get onto steemit and what a wonderful experience it is for me. So glad you enjoyed your time.
Thank you so much! I love meeting parents who have crossed the finish line of raising kids and seeing the fruit of their labors in their grown adults. That's so encouraging to hear that your kids are thriving in their adult lives and you remain in close relationship. That is always the goal I keep before me. I love hearing about your success
What lovely thoughts and ideas and so beautifully penned! I love the idea of knowing your kids' friends that well. It serves another purpose too, as something I worry about with older kids is that their peers might not be the best influences in their lives. I think it's so important for parents to know the friends of their children...and the friends' parents as well. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of what the future could look like! It sounds like a lovely day.
Thank you so much! I absolutely agree about getting to know the friends and families of my kids for safety. I've had a handful of situations with my older daughter's friends in the past that were rather challenging.
It is something I think about a lot: how to raise kids who are resistant to peer pressure and make good friend choices.
It is such a big subject in this generation. I feel like being a parent in 2017 is an Olympic level sport. There are so many variables now that didn't exist before.
For sure!!! I feel that way about working in a high school. Way different ballgame than when I went to high school!
My grandparents were my safe zone people! My mom was always a nervous wreck and still is - very uptight. My mother in law is well meaning, but there are no boundaries, so I make it a point to draw a few. But we chose to have me stay home - best decision EVER! I will not regret it and we have so much fun, even though there is stress in different ways. My kids have kind hearts and are unselfish. I'd much rather them be able to have all their friends in my home all the time and know they are safe and loved (all the kids) than wonder. The world today is SO different than20 years ago! Raising children is hard work. And the biggest reward.
I love that you are able to create the home that you really want for your kids! And that you had a safe place with safe grandparents growing up. That's wonderful : )
It has a far reaching effect methinks. If kiddies have a good life, lots of love, they are highly likely to share it and pay it forward. I see so much more good in my babes than in us as parents. I wasn't given them to raise as much as they were sent to teach me how to live.
This post received a 2.8% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @lucy.lemon! For more information, click here!
wow great . keep posting. really you write the truth.
Thank you so much!
I still can remember vividly my classmates' parents faces as they welcomed and entertained us in their homes. How they served us with breshly baked cakes and soda. Now my classmates have been successful in their own fields, and after 50 years we still get together and we can't help but remember how our parents treated us during those days.
I love hearing your happy memories of time with your friends parents. I feel like I'm always learning new ways that people were impacted positively and it inspires me.
Very true. Also if you are kind to your kids friends, you are being a good role model for your kids. They will learn how to treat others with love and respect.