Today something interesting happened.
I received a message from one of my old co-workers.
We'll call him Tyler Because I'm not going to be a jerk and put his name in this. But there is a valuable lesson to learn here.
I haven't talked to Tyler in the longest time.
We were coworkers for over four years.
I've always felt weird about him, Not in like a really bad way. It's kind of hard to describe, I could be having the best day in the world... And after talking to him, I could walk away feeling down. I never felt good after talking to him.
He wasn't necessarily a bad person. But his negativity was so draining... He always had something bad to say about everyone and everything.
He seemed to take everything that happened to him on a personal level.
Even though I felt uneasy around him, I wasn't going to be rude. I didn't want to cause drama and awkwardness at my workplace. The place I spend A LOT of time at.
So I just avoided him the best I could.
So after all this time, He messaged me.
I replied once, And he responded again with some snarky comment, Basically stating that "I didn't say goodbye to him, and I didn't give him a hug, That I guess I don't like him blah blah blah Etc... "
He took me quitting personal. And to be honest, When I left my job, I was so sick fo working there. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, Not only that but he was rarely ever around. By the time I had quit, I hadn't seen him forever.
I almost replied again, But then I realized...
I don't owe him an explanation.
I didn't owe him a Goodbye, I don't owe anyone a goodbye. People come and leave in your life.
This is my chance, To remove someone who is a walking ball of negativity from my life...
I'M TAKING IT!
So I ignored his message. I won't even respond. Or fully open his message. I feel sorry for people like that. Because he may not fully understand why. But I know from working with him, that many coworkers tried to "let him know." That way he could make the necessary adjustments.
Life is short!
Who you're surrounded by, can make a HUGE impact in your life! I'm not taking any chances. I wouldn't want my subconscious to be influenced by him. They say that you are the "sum" of the five people you spend the most time around. So I'm trying to be careful on who I choose to be close to.
I Hope He Can Find Happiness within Himself!
I hope one day he can look at his thoughts from a new perspective and become happier in his life. I have no ill will towards him. I just don't want to feel dragged down.
Sometimes It can be hard to analyze that voice in your head and start making adjustments. This is why self-improvement can be so difficult. In away you have to rewire your brain.
To change your behavior, You have to change your belief system. And change your way of thinking.
Sometimes you can't just scrape the surface and change personal habits because you'll go back to how you were.
I'm a little sad that I had to do this. But sometimes it's necessary! Don't be afraid to remove people that aren't helping you become a better person! Life is short!
You have made the right decision, because you respect yourself and you might protect it, you should go far of this kind of human , good luck...😉
Something I always keep in mind-- although I sometimes need to remind myself-- is that "NO" is a complete sentence. We don't "owe" anyone lengthy and convoluted explanations for our actions. And you clearly don't owe "Tyler" anything, either.
WOW! I love that! I never thought of No Being good enough haha.
Heheh :) It's true I don't!
The thing is, a lot of us like to think of ourselves as being "nice" people... and some part of our social conditioning tells us that "nice" people don't just say no without a "good reason." So we have a tendency to fumble around for excuses and rationalizations, as if simply not wanting to is not a legitimate reason to not do something.
So true! I feel like honesty is the "nice" way to be, But many people don't feel the same.
dekh gya amitabh bachhan ki movie... hahaha :P
thank you for sharing, it's a really important message that can have many effects on people, their health and overall life. I tend to call them "energy vampires"....they suck the goodness from the air and are not happy people. I can see a day or two now and then, but it's a way of life that becomes overbearing. Healthier to cut the cord.
I LOVE That! They truly are Energy Vampires!
great article, and you're right, you don't owe the "energy vampire" 💩!
what took you so long to decide?
Such an important message and one that more people should consider in their own lives. It simply comes down to "surround yourself with those people you want to be" Positive energy, positive outlook, strong willed, self motivated etc. Look for those qualities in the friendships you make and you will see your life change and reflect that almost instantly.
Wow. Glad for you. Seems to me that if he took you quitting personal then that must mean he really really really really liked you even though nothing was ever there to begin with
So true! It seems silly. Because I quit to pursue my dreams, It had nothing to do with him.
At least you can look back on those days with a laugh in the future😋😋..But I've always said "if you can't be there for yourself how can you be there for anyone els" that goes for family, kids, a job, anything really
😉Oh yeah and +1 follows from me😉
I think of another theme for this excellent post @kaylinart and i call it Wolves in Sheep clothings......i use to have such friends in my formal place of work......
Good for you. It's good to remove toxic people from your life. I know the sort of person you are talking about here: they just aren't happy, no matter what. And, they have a strange way making you feel like it's either your problem, or your fault, or both. No reason to keep in touch with this past co-worker.
One BIG THING here: let this person own their own choices. They choose what everything means to them, just as you do. The fact that somebody else continues to make bad choices should in no way effect the way you feel about yourself.
Exactly! I love your comment. They clearly aren't happy! And they need to figure out that on their own. It's definetly not my job haha.
Here's what I've learned - people will hurt you, but you don't have to respond: Not every mean comment or cruel act deserves to be noticed.
Exactly! And sometimes no response is the best way to respond.
Great post. Self improvement is all about emotional labour at the beginning. But it is necessary for growth.
So true hehe :)
Keep in mind you are choosing the people that have influance on you yourself. You are the one that decides who to share your spare time with. Taking such a decision takes courrage but on the long term it will help you!
You certainly pick up attributes from those you surround yourself with. I have been avoiding much direct contact with anyone in particular lately because it forces a lot of self reflection and personal development. I try to approach the concept of removing people from life as "going on different paths." It's possible he figures it all out and one day you two are best friends again. Who knows what the future holds? You are 100% correct on the not owing anyone anything aspect. We are responsible for our own well-being first and foremost. We can't spend all of our time and energy holding someone else together as that isn't healthy or beneficial to either party. Wholeness of self is priority to balance with others. Thanks for the reminder!
Good for you Kaylin. Unfortunately, we have to do this sometimes in life.
I know this will sound horrible, but one of the reasons I moved to Fl from NY was to get away from my immediate family. Now don't get me wrong I have a good relationship with them.
However, many of them are so negative (luckily my mom rocks though!) and I was such a negative person growing up and even in my early twenties. I knew I needed to not be exposed to that on a daily basis if I wanted to changed.
So when my best friend said he was moving to FL I decided that was my chance to get away. It was the best decision I ever made. I am such a better person now, my relationship with my family is actually better even though I see the a fraction of the time I did. Could not be happier.
This post received a 5% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @kaylinart! For more information, click here!
That's a great move. We have no time for toxic friends
Exactly that, totally agree with you @kaylinart!
Relax.... is that tyler name came from HERO series? (^_^)
I can imagine this type of person, who always have something bad to say... Seems like they're unhappy about everythingm beginning with the weather (Whatever it is) and ending up with everyone around him. I also avoid such interractions. Seems like such kind of persons are just fueled by giving negative emotions to the others
Good for you.
You deserve a:
Upvoted!
Did u block him on your phone?
No but I don't think he still has my number. If he does, I'll block him on that too.
Ditch the serenity vampires!
It's good to do some occassional pruning to the old friend-tree. Some branches die and fall off. Others are struck by lightning. ;-)
Great post @kaylinart.
I hope you had a nice day.If you like me visit me on my post .. would be glad..greets
Good for you, do not waste your energy!
Get away from toxic people!, is the best for both of you!
They are called Debbie Downers.. donno what the male equivalent is.. Darren downer?! lol
Some people are miserable and literally symphony off your energy. They expresss negative emotion outside because it's how they feel inside. I discussed this at length with my wife and basically "misery loves company"
Good for you Girl!
sometimes I am next to people and they give off a freaky vibe and there is nothing you can do about it.
Thanks for the reality check not to be the cray cray dude that thinks so much about himself and his own circle that he consumes himself with himself.
Freedom comes when can live for the benefit of others that are self we are no longer trapped by satisfying are personal daily wants and needs.
Well, your story reminds me of an opposite I experienced. Someone walked out of my life 10 years ago, and it was a complete blessing! Funny how things work out huh?
Good for you for sticking up for yourself! That is what you did essentially. 😊
Passive-aggressive or what? If it was a good friend or family member, the response that you received would be maybe a bit justified. Since he was a co-worker that you saw rarely, you owe him nothing!
That is an important message. Sometimes we need to pull weeds of negativity out of our life even if it is hard to protect the inner circle.
You chose not to be a victim. A courageous choice.
You choose not to feel guilt. A healthy choice.
Best thing I ever did. Good job.
Toxic Relationships are destructive to the soul. Never doubt you did the right thing.
Free advice and worth every single penny; Cut off all communication, text, e-mail, Facebook, etc.
People like that have a tendency to never go away. They crave a response, any response, even if it is negative. The secret is not to respond no matter what; never, ever, never. Eventually they find another victim for their poison.
Stay Safe and Good Luck
Good for you. We all have choices. Sounds like you made the right choice.
I think you made a good decision here. It is so important to realize that the people you surround yourself with will ultimately change your life, in one way or another. So choose carefully.
never stay around the negative energy... it will always drag you down.
I understand what you mean, those are what I called energy vampires....at least it's just a co-worker not a family member. Upvoted!
It's not easy to do what you did and it takes courage, @kaylinart
But I admire your resolve because we all need to come to terms with toxic friendships/relationships because if we don't, they will rob us of our joy and even our health, in some cases.
Thank you for this bold, but very effective resource in the form of your blog.
Have a great day!
Some people enrich your life by coming into it, others by leaving. Tough, but that's life.
You can't be a positive influence on everyone and some people just take too much out of you. I think Avoiding people who are full of negativity is a way to be good to yourself so you can be good to others.
Ohh like amazing reaaly
I am toxic too ... but a very genuine person ... u made a right decision ... and all of the steemers are your true friends,..... enjoy
Well... It depends what is this negativity you refer to. I don't know the guy, maybe he is really an asshole. However, it's very trendy these days to "remove toxic people from your life". It's an idea that started as an advice for people who were being abused one way or another. But it ended in... avoid all people you disagree with, and all people that don't follow the positive thinking movement and view life realistically, as well as all the people that go through illnesses or other hardships and, you know, ruin your happy mood.
I know people like that. A good childhood friend went down that road. She ended up avoiding everyone she knows because they weren't fake enough to pretend that everything was great, always.