I didn’t realize it right away.
It took me a while.
There was a “trauma bond”
A feeling of incompletion.
Everyone close to me would tell me it was toxic, that it was destroying me… killing me.
But I couldn’t see it, until now.
When you fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves, all you’re REALLY falling in love with is that person’s potential.
The saddest part is that a lot of times, that person will fail to realize their own potential, their own ability to DO BETTER.
And THAT, is where you fail.
I fell for someone who couldn’t be honest about who they were, about their situation, their traumas.
I fell in love with someone who felt the need to lie about the smallest things, the irrelevant, the minute, because they felt they HAD TO.
That’s sad….
The good in me wants to think that that person must be so miserable, so unhappy that they feel the need to tear others down just to build themselves up….
But how far can you really go when you’re at rock bottom?
You can blame everyone else for your issues, but at the end of the day, no matter how many scape goats you have, your past, your lies, will still come back to haunt you.
They will tell you they love you, then turn around and make you feel like YOU are unlovable.
Everything they can’t admit as wrong with themselves, they will turn around and project on to you.
It will ALWAYS be your fault, NEVER theirs.
Because being an adult and admitting responsibility for their wrong actions is something a narc can NEVER do.
They will never truly be happy.
They will continue to use and recycle those who might see through their bullshit, but refuse to move on.
The Narc will not hesitate to discard you the moment you start to see through their facade.
They will make you out to be crazy, obsessive, and wrong.
I WAS made out to be the asshole, I still am.
I “made up” and entire “relationship” because I was obsessed and crazy, and a psycho….
Whatever makes you sleep better at night.
The difference between you and I will ALWAYS be that I didn’t settle.
That I refused to relinquish power to someone like you.
That I could never settle for the mediocrity that is your life.
I could never live the lies you do.
Because destroying people like that just isn’t in my nature.
Your own life traumas are what keep you attached and you will ALWAYS be miserable.
I don’t regret what happened between us, because it taught me so much….
But I will NEVER EVER go back. And I will NEVER EVER tolerate that level of belittlement and disrespect again.
You’re not happy now, regardless of whatever game you try to play… and you never will be.
Narcissists are evil and vindictive… and sick.
They can’t own up to their own mistakes and decisions, but will make others feel like it’s their fault. Like THEY caused someone else’s issues.
It’s all a game, and they never stop playing.
I’m just glad I will never again be a victim,
Though I feel sorry for the people who will…
I used to see the best in you… now I just see the truth.
The bridge is crossed and I’m standing and watching as it burns.
But, you did teach me a lot… so thank you!
I won’t ever settle for less than again… maybe one day you’ll figure that out too.