I have gone through so many counselling sessions to deal with my childhood problems, my last counselling at the adults classes spoke to me, They advised me to write letters to my abusers, I could send them If I wanted to or to still write everything down then either keep it or burn it. I did write letter to each of my parents. I put how I felt, I didn't hold back with them both I then drove down to post them, luckily after I had posted them I saw my father walking down the street so I sat and hid watching what he would do. He went in to the house, I could see my letters on the floor, he bent down to pick them up. At that moment I really wasn't bothered if he read it or not, I knew he had them so I drove away. A few years later I got talking a family member who had said he denied every getting those letters but did let it slip him and my so called mother had read them. That's all I needed, they both knew how I felt about them, They both new I was totally disgusted in them and they also knew I was nothing like them as I love the bones of my daughter and would take a bullet for them, something they would never do.
One letter I didn't think about writing was to my Junior School teacher Mr Henderson, he was such a loving and caring man or so we all thought until he started touching me in places he shouldn't be touching. He has since died, he got what he deserved, his wife another of my teachers never found out what a dirty old man he was. So I thought why not go better and write it on the Blockchain then even though he is dead his actions are out there and he can't do a thing about them.
So here I go (I am sorry if this upsets people)
Mr Henderson.
There are a few questions I would like to ask you, I know I can't receive those answers anymore but still want to write them, you after all deserve to be told about, you do deserve some punishment so blackening your name will have to do.
You knew what you were doing, There was most definitely children before me and I know for definite you carried on with children younger than me. Do you know how much I hate myself for not speaking up to another teacher then maybe then you would have been caught and dealt with. See I told my parents who didn't believe me, they told me you were just being friendly and to stay out of your way. A child back then was scared of any adult especially one in authority, I was young how did I know it's what you all did. I was young and didn't have a good home life, yeah you knew that as you watched, I never got dropped off at school, I never got picked up, I had to walk up that horrible long main road by myself. You knew that. You knew all the vulnerable children you knew exactly what you were doing.
Do you know or care how scared I was when you used to tell me to come stand in the front of the class to read to the rest of the class, people I was friends with, you made me stand behind that horrible big wooden desk and whilst I read from the book you would put your hand under my skirt and touch me where you shouldn't have. You used to make me miss playtime so you could sit me on your knee and tell me I was your favourite. You scared me, I tried to hide, I tried my best to leave the class room as quick as I could but you always managed to catch me.
Walking home I remember you car going the same way as me, quite often you would stop asking me to get in for a lift home, I got used to you so used to hide in the trees until you would go past. The first few times it happened I was shocked and scared, I don't eve think I spoke to you I would just run off home and not look back,I dread to think what would have happened if I got in your car.
Did you ever think about how I was at home, crying that I didn't want to go to school, how scared I was especially when I knew I had your class that day, The thoughts of running away just to escape you was my dream. I often thought about shouting out about you but who would they believe me or a disabled teacher, you had a short leg and disabled right side, no one would believe the things you did and everyone thought you were lovely.
Do you realise how much you have ruined my life, you and my parents are all a waste of space, But one thing I have over all of you is I am nothing like you, I taught my children how to deal with teachers who went to far. I told them to tell there friends to talk to other teachers, thankfully my children where never touched because they were never neglected, Everyday they went to school I dropped them Off and I picked them up, if my child cam to me and told me what I told my parents believe me people like you would be dealt with, I wouldn't let it drop until I got justice. I'm better than you.
Writing this has made me feel a lot better, I feel more powerful knowing at 9 I got away from you, I am just sorry I couldn't have helped the others you touched but that's on my parents heads as they knew about it, they saw how scared I was, they could have had words with you but they decided to ignore it leaving you to do what you want.
I am not going to say R.I.P as I really hope your not, actually I don't care anymore your just a dirty old man and now a lot more people know about you.
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I have very similiar things happen,but i don't think I will put them on the net for people to see. I just got on with my life.
We are all different how we deal with these things, this works for me.
I'm very glad you were able 'just to get on with your life'.
Obviously, that's not the case here. I'm hoping your comment was meant to be supportive, not dismissive. That was an unfortunate choice of phasing, imo.
My comment was just my statement regarding myself. No one else.
If you looked at some of my what I call my writings 'Hard Poetry', this is the way I interpret what happened to me. It is the way I choose to get rid of all the badness throughout the years.
There are way too many people I would have to mention,and it has destroyed my life and with my family for not believing.But as time goes on,you don't forget or forgive. It will always be a part of you. That's what these people leave us with. It also went on with the priests at our catholic church among other places. With those experiences,we are able to raise our own kids,watch for signs,talk to them, and keep on top of it all,so they don't ever have to go through what we did. My kids are grown now, and they are fantastic. They can pass on my knowledge to their kids now.
Thanks for the clarification. The phrasing just hit me a little sideways as it could be seen as flippant. I'm glad it wasn't. Am also glad you found a healthy outlet for your emotions, too. Best wishes.
And also to you!
I wish I would have that urge to write a letter but over time living life and my own ways to cope I decided to let it be. I am so proud I turned out to be a very strong woman and refuse to be a victim. "Coldblooded Forgiveness" is another form of trusting in karma and the universe who fixes more than I ever could.
I feel and hear you Karen and you can be proud of yourself to let go .
It's sickening to think how many children this has happened to, and worse. You've done amazingly well to break the cycle, and be the better parent to your family, and I hope writing this helps you heal, x
It definitely helps as when I read it back i can see what I have become. I was lucky it could have been much worse. Thank you for your kind words, they help a lot too :)
My closed group of survivors all wrote letters to our abusers. I sent mine stained with tears to my stepfather and his 3rd wife. I never heard back from him and his wife. I got closure from that practice. No more free rent in my head to him or his kin! I hope this frees your mind like it did mine. I listed details and dates in my letter too!
Thank you, I am glad this worked for you too, writing it down then reading it back has finalised things for me. I now see this wasn't my fault he was the adult I have nothing to be ashamed of :)
I think the school board should know as well, it's their job to keep preditors away from our children. We have nothing to be ashamed of! We should be proud we survived and didn't follow down the victim and abuser path. You have such a lovely family🙏
I wish the school board had known about him, but thankfully he got what he deserved. He was killed crossing a train line. I don't feel anything for him just glad he's gone and not hurting anyone else.
Hi @karenb54, I just stopped back to let you know your post was one of my favourite reads today and I included it in my Steemit Ramble. You can read what I wrote about your post here.
I have just read and upvoted. Thank you :)
I am very glad that you have vented this. There may have been others that never had the courage to face what had happened to them, maybe even at the same hands and your courage might help others move forward.
Thank you. If i knew what I knew now I would have shouted it from the roof tops, we should all make our children aware but in a way as not to scare them. It has to be done delicately :)
I hope writing this will enable you embrace that empowered feeling from now going forward. That took courage to write. Hugs, hon!
Thank you. I wish I could give it to him but this is the next best thing and now I can move on as there's really nothing else to say about him :)
You're welcome. Your healing is the priority. Congrats on taking a difficult step with grace and dignity. Well done!
Thank you I appreciate your kind words :)
There are so many things that I've written down and burned. Ashes to ashes. The universe is aware. Karma is a bitch. And taking back your life and finding a place to shelve the shit is wonderful for the soul. Love you.
Thank you hun, I think the universe listened as he was killed crossing a train line. Scary but no sympathy at all for him. :)
Writing a letter. Saying I forgive you. Both are powerful emotional events needed for us to let go. Letting go is a key part to allowing our bodies to live with less stress. And it is that stress that shortens our lives.
Choosing to deliver the letter or posting it or burning it all does the same thing - the act of catharsis happens right then. I burned mine.
Well done - and well done for showing your children a soulful path.
Thank you. We can't let these people destroy us anymore, its them who have a problem not us. :)
Respect!
Thank you :)
Reading this makes me indignant, and the worst thing is that more and more people are talking about a similar story, I'm sorry for what you had to go through.
I congratulate the courage to tell it and more if it makes you feel good.
Thank you dear friend @ karenb54 for the confidence to tell us this so deep.
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words :)