When we can grow steaks in labs, all the vegans will need to go adopt cows and start cow sanctuaries because why the hell would cows have survived the evolutionary culling if they weren't so damn delicious?

BTW I really like your idea here:

I figured if any one of my millions of readers converted to veganism, it would be just as morally good as me doing so myself.

So basically like when someone rich enough to fly around in a private jet giving speeches on how desperately people like I need to stop driving a car big enough to fit groceries in, pays some third-world native to plant trees? You should call them "Vegan Credits" and start an exchange immediately.