Defeating Depression: My Highway to HELL and Back

My life was perfect in 2016. I had the easiest job in the world teaching adults English in Bangkok from 5pm to 9pm. I owned my condo free and clear. Since it was only 1km from work I could ride my modified BMX there.

This may have been one of the coolest BMXs in the world. I completely magnetized the entire frame and the handle bar so anything metal would stick to it. Having hundreds of rare earth magnets attached also made it over 20kg. I remember watching as punk ass teenagers trying to still it off it’s hook from my CCTV and just laughing because they lacked the strength to lift it up. It also had a power bank under the seat and a waterproof bluetooth speaker to jam AC/DC.

I added a seat for my son so he could ride with me. With the bike rider, the extra seat, the handle bars and the rear pegs, four people could go on this one bike. A small metal ruler taped to the back of an iPhone added the option of Youtube or a dash/BMX-cam.

My condo was pretty awesome too. Being a single dad and white and having a bunch a kids in the room could’ve be a bad idea because some lying Thai people might’ve made false accusations against me, so I had CCTVs everywhere. This actually made it the safest place in the whole condo complex. Moms could drop their kids off get drunk and check on their kids from my online CCTV system.

I connected it and half of my LED lighting system to UPS power backups, so when the ghetto ass power grid in Thailand would go down, my room would still have CCTV, lights, Nintendo, Playstation, and an open WIFI. When people would ask why I’m the only one with power I’d tell them it’s because I’m CIA.

Back in 2014-2016, I was probably one of the very few people to have a PS4 and GTA 5 in Thailand. I also had a good pull-up bar, punching bag, and BBQ out front so I’d have BBQ and GTA parties almost every day. When I was 23, I bought a sailboat called the Emerald Journey for $10,000. Not a weekend would go by without free beer, hot college girls, and steaks showing up. I always felt that my condo was the spiritual sequel to my sailboat.

One day I had a one on one with one of my PhD students. I know teachers aren’t supposed to say or feel this way, but I only do volunteer teaching for free and never plan on ever working for a “school” ever again so, fuck it...

I just felt, but didn’t say, this “PhD” student is one of the dumbest and closed minded people I’ve ever met and they should have their other degrees burned. Then I had another one, a bank manager who had worked for a bank for 30+ years, but had no idea what the Federal Reserve or fractional reserve banking was. Something inside of me just snapped and I said to myself that I didn’t want my son growing up to become one of these mindless, brainwashed Thai slaves, so I told his mom, my ex-wife living in San Diego, that even though the divorce gave custody of him to me, that I’d let her take care of him in America.

My exwife is most likely a psychopath. I fell in love with her one day in Chiang Mai. Some British guy grabbed her ass in a club called Spicy in 2007 and who knows what she said to him. The next thing I know there was a table of 5 white guys giving us the evil eye. When the club closed they came out to the alley to jump us. She ordered me to put on my helmet and she did the same and grabbed two big rocks and went to smash their heads in. I did the keys between the fingers thing and followed her. I doubt they were scared of me, but I just remembered falling in love with this bad ass Pocahontas looking babe as they ran away.

The problem with psychopaths, even if they are kind and non-violent, is they believe that life is like the Matrix and they are the only real person while the rest of us are NPCs or non playable characters. They are very charming and easy to fall in love with, but you should avoid them at all costs!

So when my son went to live with her, she just fed him Hot Pockets and never signed him up for school lying to me saying everything was fine. Once CPS or Child Protective Services found out, my Jesus freak judgemental family decided to inject themselves into the situation convincing her to sign a “guardianship” paper that was so cleverly written that it even fooled me when I signed it too.

Once my dickhead uncle got his paper he chased me from his house and my fat bitch cunt of an aunt even filed a false police report of domestic violence against me. Luckily for me the cops aren’t that stupid and everything is fine for me legally, but not emotionally. I won’t bother doxing them or getting revenge in this life, but I hate them in my very soul. When I die I will not go to the light, but I will choose to torture them in the afterlife. Time isn’t really linear in the afterlife. It doesn’t matter who dies first, but when they do, I’ll be waiting for them and will show them what hell truly is.

If you ever hate someone as much I hate those blue eyed freaks don’t ever threaten violence especially if you’re a man because then the cops and lawyers will have what’s called a “credible threat”. It’s better to use black magic promises and commitments of revenge in the afterlife because it’s scarier and the courts and lawyers can’t count it as a threat, but you can still terrorize your enemies. (I learned a bit about psychological warfare in the army.)

Losing my son was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Two divorces, the loss of a promising military career, foreclosure during the California real estate crash, a hacker stealing all my EOS and Bitcoin, ain’t got nothing on that pain.

I wouldn’t say I went crazy, but I definitely was completely out of control. I picked fights with dudes twice my size and probably drank more in two years than any of you will drink in your entire lives. I rode my motorcycle as fast as it could possibly go all the time without a helmet.

I got fired from 5 great jobs. I had unprotected sex with almost 100 women even though I’m asexual. I guess you could say it was a mid-life crisis. Why is it called a crisis anyways? It was fun as hell, but it definitely wasn’t healthy.

The pain and depression of losing my son made me swirl down this pit of self destruction which just made things worse and the possibility of ever seeing my son even less possible.

I guess my devil ex-wife didn’t think ruining my life twice was enough. The first time was when she ruined our family with her gambling addiction and infidelity. The second was when she promised she’d take care of our son, but costing us custody. As if that weren’t enough, she hired someone to smash up my condo and is selling it now.

I put four years of my heart and soul into renovating this old condo which was originally constructed in 1994. I’ve had crazy Thai women come at me with knives before, so I thought I’d use my height to my advantage and integrate a magnetic strip 7 feet high along every wall. This way the kitchen knives were well out of reach of children and any crazy angry short Thai women. I also had two secret rooms and built in furniture as well as a mezzanine. Let’s just say it was one of the coolest and most unique rooms you would’ve seen if devil woman hadn’t destroyed it.

Well if you’re still reading this, maybe it’s about time to tell the positive side of my story and how I stopped being depressed and got back to a healthy lifestyle and mental state.

It’s not like I snapped my fingers then boom, I was better, but it was pretty fast. It was on a road trip to kill myself when it started. I had my paperwork rejected by the Thai government at my latest job and was feeling completely hopeless with less than $300 so I decided I’d kill myself in my favorite place, Luang Prabang, Laos. I always liked Whitney Houston and thought I’d copy her way, but in the Mekong river. I started drinking as soon as I woke up and started taking a mix of different sleeping pills so the possibility of toxicity would increase. I took a total of 20 different pills and probably 15 dark beers and went for a swim.

I have no idea how I survived or even walked back to my room, but I woke up two days later and smelling all bad because I pissed myself. I have a theory about death and suicide. I’m sure I did die that day, but did a quantum leap into another dimension where I’m still alive. There have been times when I’m sure I was in a car crash or other terrible events and then woke up in my bed safe and sound. Have any of you ever experienced this?

Before I went for my swim of death, I had downloaded all of Alan Watt’s speeches on Zen Buddhism and spirituality. (A beautiful butterfly just flew by as I typed his name, maybe it was him!) Alan would have made a great stand up comic because he is very funny as well as one of the wisest men I’ve ever heard speak.

If you’re interested in listening to him, I’ve created a Youtube playlist of my favorite speeches of his here:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjF00Ien7eLezUe8VolJ_PuBczW8f4_Cc

I can’t promise you that listening to this great man will help you as much as it did me, but I can tell you that I am no longer depressed. I am no longer apathetic towards everything and can find joy in the small things again.

I got a great job managing a beautiful resort named, Zen, of all things. I quit drinking and spend most of my free time creating Steemit posts and Youtube videos. I get a free room and three great meals a day, so my daily expenses are literally zero. Now that I can save money I have hope and know that I’ll be able to see my son again soon.