Nobody really enjoys being criticised. I sure don’t!

But sometimes in the course of human events we come across things that merit a bit of criticism, and sometimes we are on the receiving end of this criticism.

I have been fortunate to go through Customer Service and Human Relations training in the past, and it has helped me in my dealings with people in every area of life. That is, when I am in the mood to behave nicely! ;)

Consider the reasons you are giving criticism.

Is it just to hurt someone you don’t like? Do you want to see a person or situation improve? Do you think something unethical is happening? Do you just want to be right?

Before opening your mouth, or cracking your knuckles for a long typed essay, think about whether this is the best use of your time. Is your opinion really so important? Keep in mind that we don't always have to voice our opinions.

“Maturing is realizing how many things don’t require your comment.” - Rachel Wolchin

Here are some things that I consider of great importance when dealing with other people, especially online. I’ve found that most people are reasonable once you’re on the same page. Once there is some kind of disconnect between people, it is much easier to be nasty and rude.

Step respectfully into a person’s space, however, and things usually become more civil.

1. Empathise

This is the biggest one.

We all make mistakes, and we all make what others perceive as mistakes, whether or not we consider them as such. Try to empathise with others, consider things from their perspectives. How would you respond if approached in this way? How best do you speak in such a way that your message is heard for what you really mean, and not misinterpreted as something else.

Consider that you could be wrong in your criticism.

The person could be wrong, but you won’t know unless you hear their argument if you are so inclined. We’re not obligated to hear every single piece of criticism thrown our way, particularly if it is done in a negative way. But, they could be right! Try not to get defensive. Respond, don’t react. Just because somebody is giving you a critique doesn’t mean that they are a ‘hater’ and should be ignored simply because they disagree. That is one way to deal with criticism, but in my opinion it is not the most beneficial. Try to see things from their perspective.

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." – Dale Carnegie

2. Respect

Insults will cause a person to shut down completely. This is, obviously, not what you want to happen if you are making a criticism out of genuine concern or for the sake of conversation.

This includes perceived insults, so try to be concise.

A person who is critiquing or criticising in a respectful way deserves respect back. I’m not one for respecting people who are disrespectful to me, but if I am being disrespected I try my hardest to maintain SELF-respect. Again, respond, don’t react.

3. Balance

As one of my favourite characters, Tevye from Fiddler On The Roof says “But on the other hand….”, consider the possible sides of the argument or criticism. Where in your criticism could you not know the full story? Work that into the criticism. Don’t make sweeping generalisations about the situation, unless you’re absolutely sure you know everything there is to know about it.

Don't assume the person is an idiot. They might be, but try not to assume it. Be specific about the problem but treat them like they have perhaps considered them before.

4. Tone

Most of our communication with other people is non-verbal. This means that over the internet especially the things we say are misinterpreted frequently. With this in mind, try to be extremely clear (without being verbose!) in your intention and meaning. Try to convey a relaxed tone of voice by using words that are calming, not inflammatory.

5. Don’t Sweat It

Try to remain calm. Don’t make any irrational decisions or pronouncements if you find yourself worked up over the criticism. Getting into a heated debate can sometimes raise blood pressure and cause some things to get stirred up! If you’re giving or receiving, try to be calm about it. If you find yourself getting heated, step away for a bit and relax.

Passionate discourse has its place, but self-control is important.

6. End On A Positive

It doesn’t all need to be negative. Praise the person for what they’re doing right (in your estimation) or something that you appreciate. By closing this way, you’ll leave on a positive note and allow them to respond from a place of gratitude instead of defensiveness.

“When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.” – Judith Martin

If all of the above things were met, perhaps consider thanking the person for their feedback whether you disagree with them or not! You are not obligated to counter their arguments unless it is in your best interest to do so. Sometimes it is better to politely acknowledge and then leave it alone. Not everything needs to be answered.

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Again, we all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, especially not me! I’ve given and received criticism in unhealthy ways before, I’ve been snappy and insulting and whatever else, but the ideal is to have reasonable discourse with other people.

Reputation goes a long way here on Steemit, and out in the world as well.

We can become better people through adversity, sometimes the negative criticism can be helpful for us in becoming better equipped to handle it and other things in life.

In brief, the main take away from this post should be:

Empathise
Maintain respect often, and self-respect always
Respond - don’t react
You don’t always have to respond to criticism
End on a positive

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Have any critiques for this post?

Start a dialogue in the comments, but let’s be respectful and balanced in our retorts.