With Mother's Day fast approaching, I thought I would take the time to write about just how much I fucking hate her, mine. My mom is the sorriest excuse of a parental figure the world has ever seen. Yeah, ya know, she got dealt a rough hand birthing a child with borderline personality disorder, but that shit had to have come from somewhere and I'd bet dollars to existential trauma that it came from her putrid genes and not my fathers.
Holy shit, have your parents ever grounded you from literally everything? Like, reading? Have they ever made you sit in a room for months on end after school, staring at a wall, in your home, and in literal fucking psych wards? Made you take off school to stare at walls? Ever had a schizophrenic, chronic masturbating roommate in a loony bin far from home? I'm just looking for a little understanding here. I know you people are out there because I continue to exist.
Childhood trauma really sucks guys. Many of you already know how it persists through your entire life and governs large portions your time existing until you're ready to deal, or you've somehow managed to end up in a scenario where healing is possible without truly dealing, which works a lot less than the aforementioned, truly. And let's face it, the more unfortunate you are the less likely a spontaneous happy ending becomes. Imagine not owning your thoughts and feelings. Maybe you already know and we are kin.
I digress, my mom is a cunt. There's an intangible hole where a life full of memories is supposed to be. The emptiness is very real for those who feel it and becomes more profound as you look for understanding in the eyes of others, but are faced with that same vacancy, and then every moment is psychic terror.
If you suffer from mental illness I support you. If you had parent's that treated your existence with little care, I love you. If you have made poor decisions because of trauma, and suffering, I do not judge you. I hope that you can pull yourself out of this and grow. It is okay to hate them for what they did to you, harness that hate, do not point it towards your head.
I hope that you can learn to live without a mother's love.