Had news of a friends passing today...

One of my childhood best friends is being laid to rest on wednesday. She was a huge part of my life as a kid, sadly, over the years we lost touch a bit.
About 10 years ago, I found out through our local news paper that she was hit by a bus... she was put into a medically induced coma and required brain surgery and months of rehabilitation to learn how to speak again... once she was well again and I relocated back to my hometown, her and I got together to catch up.

In the conversations of catching up, I discovered that she had a drug problem and that was what caused her to step off the curb without looking, resulting in her being hit by the bus. She explained to me that the medically induced coma was necessary for her to detox and allow her brain to heal. It broke my heart to hear her explain it all. She had lifelong effects from the accident.. she had seizures and her speech would never be 100%. Her short term memory was gone and some of her long term memory. This made it necessary for her and her daughter to live with her parents.

We had a few more meetings after that but then fell out of touch again.

Today, while I was pulling into the parking lot at school, I was notified of her death.

Come to find, she had taken a bunch of slow release psych meds (im not sure if they were hers or not or if it was intentional or accidental). The hospital put her on dialysis and she was beginning to make a recovery but the meds rebounded and she passed away.

My heart is completely broken. And my brain is full of "what ifs?"

What if we had stayed in touch?
What if I had been there fore her?
What if?

And I cant help but wonder if I even have any right to feel so heartbroken, being that we lost touch so long ago and were no longer close.

I will always remember my times with her... from sleepovers and playing, to eating "cold plates" in forts and closets and cubbies, to throwing things down her laundry chute because it was so cool! She was a pillar of my childhood.

Lost, but never forgotten. Forever in my heart. Rest In Paradise Gorgeous.