There have been open houses at my place this weekend for the sale, so I've been spending the afternoons at the homes of friends I don't really see often enough. Silly we need these excuses to make time for each other.
Anyway, this afternoon I had a powerful conversation with another giver. By 'giver' I mean someone who has moved through the decades of life always looking for what she can give, but not being quite as instinctive with the ability to receive.
We talked about our ideal lives and discovered we both really wanted to simply enjoy the passage of days surrounded by beauty, in the company of good people and plentiful nature, and enjoying good food. That's it. Not accomplish this or that. Simply live as Spirit enjoying the various facets of itself.
Yet we each had our ways in which we rejected that ease when we felt it wasn't earned.
I once had a boyfriend who insisted his life was so much better with me living with him, cooking, planning entertainment, even buying his clothes, than without me, despite the fact that he paid for everything and I had no job. But I couldn't accept it. I felt guilty. I was ostensibly happy, but I wasn't earning my keep.
My friend today is supported by her sister. She is building and maintaining the garden, cooks the meals, maintains the home in all ways, and her sister insists it's a great deal for her, since she's doing work she loves that she would do no matter what, and simply has the company of her sister and a much nicer home than she has time to create. But my friend also has trouble relaxing in to that receiving. She isn't earning her keep.
So here is my simple observation: If you want to live a happy life, learn to accept happiness when it is offered to you. Stop feeling guilty about your simple presence and providing the nurturing you love to provide, being enough. And stop feeling like you have to even nurture this particular person to receive sustenance from this particular person.
Sometimes you feel moved to help this person who has nothing to give you. And sometimes someone feels moved to help you when you have nothing to give them. Such is the cycle of life, and it is good. It is enough. You are enough, just as you are when you are simply enjoying your life and living the natural generosity of your spirit.
Let life bless you, and it will.
And now back to your regularly scheduled programming. 😄
(photo source: Pixabay)
beautiful <3 <3 <3 as a giver myself, i've been thinking a lot about this lately. somehow i feel guilty when receiving, but definitely want to change that. thanks for these wise words. and yes living as Spirit in good company and the beauty of nature in a simple life sounds Divine :)
You would really love this woman too. I was telling her a bit about you and what the two of you are doing at mountainjewel. She has done quite a bit of off grid living herself over the years. She is trying to get herself into another situation like that soon. I'm trying to get her blogging here on Steemit. She is so ecotrain!
ahhh love it!! i hope she does join!! <3 <3 yeah i've been in positions of trade like her and it is hard as a giver to accept other people's generosity in that way, especially if it happens for a while, but as you said, we really need to learn to accept that flow (as we know we give so much and without holding back when we give! why not let others give too?). hope she finds her situation that feels great as it unfolds and aligns :)
yeah I feel the same! Guilty when receiving. Great post @indigooecan
Thank you for this positive message of acceptance :) I do fall into this trap of guilt. Not usually from feeling I am not earning my keep with others, but with myself. Your message reminds me to enjoy the time I have with myself right now and that I am already what I need to be and to do and that is already enough. That feeling can be so pervasive that I feel it regarding huge themes in my life or down to a micro thought about a small action. Untraining myself to feel that way is a challenge and you remind me to face that challenge with love and acceptance of being :)
@indigoocean what would your advice be to someone who is looking to be a giver, but one that doesn't lose himself/herself in the process? ((:
There are a lot of ways that people engage in service to others, but many are not exactly healthy. In order to do it in a healthy way one first has to feel like they are full and taken care of themselves. Then coming from that fullness and security they naturally focus on the needs of others, and simply let themselves flow like water going to where it is needed most. The self is full to the point of overflowing, not a dry desert trying to be the water of life for others.
Great post!
You can't be a true giver, if you're not ready to recieve.
Just as you simply want to give to someone as an act of kindness, that's how somebody else wants to give you too, and recievement is the respect of that act!
You got it!!
Yes, that's an important point. You give someone else the opportunity to be the giver when you receive graciously, and that is a generous gift itself. It is actually selfish to only be the giver in a relationship and never let the generosity of the other person blossom.
:)
I feel like some people get caught in thinking the other person or group might be tricking them in some way by being so giving too. Trust is sometimes hard to come by. I know there have been many times where I haven't felt worthy of the good things in my life, which is a sure way to eventually lose them.
I think part of being a good giver is knowing how to receive as well. Nice post as usual, we should all work on receiving, just being passive enough to receive without feeling obligated to give back is something I feel most of us struggle with. We need to realize we are all together, that accepting help is appropriate sometimes
Yeah, people have so many issues around receiving. Sometimes people really are dishonest, at least in their motives, but learning to discern that is part of our development. We can't cut ourselves off to the natural goodness in other people just because some people are manipulative. But it's a skill that takes time to develop. We have to not be too afraid to be wrong sometimes while we're learning. I would agree that to truly give long-term you do have to learn to receive, or you'll be pouring from an empty bucket. No one wants to be a compulsive giver because that's their identity now, but really they are resentful because they haven't learned to receive.
I've found that simply being more aware lets me catch when this is happening, then to not allow it in my perspective. Like if someone is trying to manipulate me I can see it and let them know through words and body language that that isn't how I work and if they don't like it I don't need them in my life. It's like demanding unconditional love. Like if you have conditions I am supposed to be filling you're going to find out that while I might fill them sometimes, it's not because you demand it of me.
So I think there are some subtleties to receiving, like not feeling roped into returning the favor, obviously sometimes we will, but I like to make sure it's in my own way and not because I feel obligated for some reason (conditioning)
Hopefully that was on topic, I know I kind of veered off with this comment
I love this post, the part about not looking to accomplish anything but enjoy the passage of days surrounded by beauty in the company of good people...This was an epiphany moment for me. Reading this allowed me to exhale and take a step back a take new inventory of my journey and how I would have it to be as I continue to move through life. I too want most what you described, being surrounded by beauty and people. i want to celebrate life at this stage of my journey and beyond. Thank you beautiful spirit. @indigoocean.
It's funny how we can get so caught up in accomplishing that we utterly lose sight of the importance of savoring the fruits of that endeavor! Indeed, it is the simple things that make the life.
Great post!
Thanks for tasting the eden!