To afraid to go to sleep; dying slowly with mitochondria

Iam sitting on the edge of my bed 22:51pm. Iam so afraid to go to sleep; last 4 nights, being having terrible nightmares, one every night; there all about me stuck in absolutely hopeless situations; wake crying; iam 54 years old, and prior to these nightmares, i havent dreamt in over 8 years, or should I say; have never remembered any dreams; my condition is such that i cant even leave the house, can't even travel to see the doctor to renew my scripts, im totaly dependent on my wife; who lives in the main house with the rest of her family; it is her claim that she can't live with me/my pain? (that's a matter i try no to judge on) +- 17 years ago a went on a personal (by my self) wonderful and very meaningful, and profound personal spiritual journey; for three years; during that time i was given 5 dreams that have never left my memory, inclusive of all the details; these nightmares are the conclusion of the last dream I'd had during that journey; i was walking/waiting to die that day, somehow, i was to be hung, the scaffolding for the hanging was already built; this was in a winery; people, including my wife were all there picking graps, and no body seemed to be concerned with regards to my eminent hanging, come the evening; the feelings i still can remember with absolute clearafiring detail; these last 4 dreams have all been of the very same nature. Problem is that all the dreams i had on my journey, excluding the last had come to fruitation. So you can imagine, or i hope at least understand why im not wanting to go to sleep. I know im dying, im reminded with every move i make, just to get in bed is an automated painful process. (This is quite hard, writing this to the world, but your the only people listening, actually) i beg God to take me home or heal me ever day and night, ask Jesus to please be with me on the trip; I'm not afraid of dying, just afraid i have comply cations prior to dying. The feeling of being alone, is very difficult to discribe, giving what i have to look far ward to; made worse by the fact that all my dreams prior, have come true, to the very essence of each dream. Im waiting in the vinyard for evening, to be hung! It really is like being on death row, and the wardin comes past every day; sorry mate not today, but could be tommorow, just don't know, "hang in there" be happy you got an extra day. Wow arnt i lucky?
Sorry for the wo be gone me, but this is real and its really happening. How do i coup? Alone, and i mean alone. So like every night, wait till i cant keep awake any longer, and deal with the night. A nightmare in itself. I really hope in some crazy way, someone will benefit from my misery, good night and sleep well steemit people, iamstephen