Emptyness, loneliness, abandoned, to blame
Unworthy, broken, rejected, ashamed
Why.... why am i here, why not take me now
I surrender in tears, my life to you i vow
This place has no grace, no love like your own
To this earth i was born but it is not my home
The people here turn away from me often judging my pain
I cant imagine them loving me like you do through my shame
Why this being, of all the creations i could have been
You created me with feelings and i feel like i was designed to sin
I hate it, i despise it, this cannot be my design disgusted and sickened by the sin that is mine
I choose you lord, this day and all days ahead
I reject sin, i accept and long for Jesus instead
I know im impatient and wish i could just be with you now
But if that not be your will lord, then i beg your holy spirit come down
I need you if im to remain in this unholy land
I need you for i am lost, my life is in your hand
Hear this prayer, i beg your kindness to my plea
I know im nothing, be not angry with me
I beg for your spirit, let it dwell in my core
Enlighten and enrich me for your servant is poor.
I really enjoyed that, humbled. Thanks for sharing!
To me, it resonates as a good reflection of how a lot of people with a belief in the afterlife feels many times. There is a great joy in true faith; a happiness and appreciation for life, but when times get harder (as they always do) a bit of selfishness rises up within the soul.
It would be so much easier to just reach the end goal. The individual has put in their time on earth praising and teaching, so why do they need to be subject to the earthly heartbreak, pain, and ultimate helplessness. Once death comes, they will be free.
And that thought process is pretty well understood and handled by the caveat of suicide is a sin that won't get you into Heaven (as far as I understand it). Being such final act, there is no redemption to be had.
Thank you so very much for the comment. Writing has definetly veen a therapy for me and God has given me many gifts since ive opened myself to him.
I agree with you in regard to suicide being a sin. I have had many weak days but in my weakness i find strength in prayer with God. I only hope my written therapy is something others like yourself will find value in. Thank you again and God Bless You
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