Stepping out of toxic waste

I am finding my way back to center.

This road has been long and I am weary, but my sense of purpose is renewed. I looked at the mess I've been standing in today and defined what I am most afraid of. It is this: that this toxic waste will touch my family. I need to step out of it, wash it off, and stop wandering back into the mess each time I see a new spill. Here's the truth: I can't clean it up from the inside.

I have been standing center in the wrong place, leaving me off-balance and prone to slipping back into the sludge.

Today I took a few minutes to set down my spiritual anchor. I did this with fire. I can always find myself in a flame. Yesterday it was the woods. Perhaps tomorrow it will be water and I will begin to wonder if I am a witch after all.

My body hurts from head to toe. My eyelids are persistently trying to find their way shut. I still want to turn off and disappear, but it is less frightening now. I am not running away or hiding. My body is crying out for rest and the chance to recover from the extreme physical toll this emotional terrorism has taken on me.

I ate today. And drank water. I lit a candle and stared into the flame. I checked in with myself. I stayed in my head through a wave of fear and pain. I came out the other side knowing I've gained wisdom. With that insight comes clarity and confidence.

Sometimes that is all we need: confidence to see that we aren't the picture the con-artist has painted.

I don't know that I am making sense, but I do know that I am feeling far better than I have in months. This time it's not so much that I see an end in sight. I don't. I am finding balance, and not based on my footing. I know I will step into the slick again. If I am centered in myself, I am less likely to fall. Balance is my power.

What are ways you relocate center?

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